The World Needs Chorus Girls
I have always wanted to be in the spotlight. Well, not always, that's not quite true. I spent a good portion of my childhood trying to be invisible (a topic for another day), but in my teens discovered that I had a knack for the dramatic. A flair, if you will, and more importantly, a desire. Being highly visible became a shield, protection that invisibility could not provide. So I was in the drama club. I did three of my high school musicals, loved every last minute of it - even the all-night tech rehearsals where the director screamed at us while he chained smoked, and the all-night final dress rehearsals where we danced until we fell down and the director screamed at us while he chain smoked.
But in every show I was ever in, which added up to dozens by the time theater and I parted ways (and I MISS IT SO), I was always a chorus girl. Never a lead. Once I was an understudy, and that was because I was the only other person besides the girl who got the part who could hit the notes the character was required to sing. I was a first soprano, once upon a time, and really, really good.
As much as I adored theater, it was frustrating to only ever be in the chorus, not when I wanted that spotlight so badly. At some point I realized that the chorus is important too, because without it, the stage is empty and quiet. They provide the backdrop that makes the show come alive. Big numbers just aren't the same without the chorus.
Things have not changed a whole heckuvalot. My life is, for all intents and purposes, ordinary. I'm no one important in the grand scheme of things. I don't have a lot of money, or fame. I'm not in the spotlight. I work my rear end off for every last little thing I get. I'm pursuing my dreams, but they seem to keep slipping just out of reach. Yesterday I got a rejection letter from the one and only agent who requested the full of my last finished manuscript. It was the longest rejection letter I've ever read, extremely detailed in all the ways she thought the story was weak.
It was the best rejection letter I've ever gotten.
Now, there may be another agent or editor that thinks the manuscript is fine as it is, so I might wait a bit to see how the rest of it falls out before I do any revisions. I can't pretend I'm not disappointed in the rejection, because I would have loved to have worked with this agent.
The whole episode leaves me feeling that, once again, I've been relegated to the chorus, still not quite good enough for the main stage. I have worked SO HARD at this, and I really thought this manuscript was going to be the one. And it still might, but I'm pondering the possibility that I might never ever leave the arena of small presses.Which I don't mind! All of my publishers have been really good to me!!! They work really hard, but part of being a small press is being small - meaning not terribly pervasive distribution or marketing. And I'm not wealthy enough to pour money into marketing. I DO promote quite a lot, but I do it as cheaply as possible, which means it has to be creative. I really want LOTS of people to know about and read my books. I WANT people to ask for my autograph. It's not the reason I write, but it's a perk that I will admit I want.
I might never, ever, make it into the spotlight. Am I okay with that? I might have to be.
Besides, the world needs chorus girls.
But in every show I was ever in, which added up to dozens by the time theater and I parted ways (and I MISS IT SO), I was always a chorus girl. Never a lead. Once I was an understudy, and that was because I was the only other person besides the girl who got the part who could hit the notes the character was required to sing. I was a first soprano, once upon a time, and really, really good.
As much as I adored theater, it was frustrating to only ever be in the chorus, not when I wanted that spotlight so badly. At some point I realized that the chorus is important too, because without it, the stage is empty and quiet. They provide the backdrop that makes the show come alive. Big numbers just aren't the same without the chorus.
Things have not changed a whole heckuvalot. My life is, for all intents and purposes, ordinary. I'm no one important in the grand scheme of things. I don't have a lot of money, or fame. I'm not in the spotlight. I work my rear end off for every last little thing I get. I'm pursuing my dreams, but they seem to keep slipping just out of reach. Yesterday I got a rejection letter from the one and only agent who requested the full of my last finished manuscript. It was the longest rejection letter I've ever read, extremely detailed in all the ways she thought the story was weak.
It was the best rejection letter I've ever gotten.
Now, there may be another agent or editor that thinks the manuscript is fine as it is, so I might wait a bit to see how the rest of it falls out before I do any revisions. I can't pretend I'm not disappointed in the rejection, because I would have loved to have worked with this agent.
The whole episode leaves me feeling that, once again, I've been relegated to the chorus, still not quite good enough for the main stage. I have worked SO HARD at this, and I really thought this manuscript was going to be the one. And it still might, but I'm pondering the possibility that I might never ever leave the arena of small presses.Which I don't mind! All of my publishers have been really good to me!!! They work really hard, but part of being a small press is being small - meaning not terribly pervasive distribution or marketing. And I'm not wealthy enough to pour money into marketing. I DO promote quite a lot, but I do it as cheaply as possible, which means it has to be creative. I really want LOTS of people to know about and read my books. I WANT people to ask for my autograph. It's not the reason I write, but it's a perk that I will admit I want.
I might never, ever, make it into the spotlight. Am I okay with that? I might have to be.
Besides, the world needs chorus girls.