(no subject)

[christinas_life]

I hide behind
The lights
The camera
The action
The pose I pick
With quick perfection

And behind the rugged colors
The shaggy carpets
The Limousines onion rings
Pretty things
My smile lay
A little darker

See
Growing up I had this thing
Where I would look
In and out of pictures
While the camera still flashed before my
Soon to be red eyes
Fat thighs
Overly emphasized
Everything

I looked for and I looked for
A person I wanted to be
Places I wanted to go
Things I wanted to see

Looking in and out of the pictures I collect now
I see someone who has collected
Everything

I have gadgets and gizmos of twenty
I have choosits and whatsits and S’mores
I have friends who love me
An education above me
And I’ve worked hard
For this start
This new start I have in store
I’ve worked so hard that
I don’t think I’ve sat down to look at myself before

As I look at the pictures
Tagged and untagged
I look at the subtle ugly
The really ugly
And it doesn’t seem as bad as before

Seems like I’ve grown up
Grown past my insecurities

And pictures no longer capture me
But capture ME
I can take them
I can take them in
I can take seeing a picture
Or two or three
Where I look like a science fiction
Film’s blurry spattered cover
I am ready for any album

Because I saw in your eyes today
All of this
Like you were a camera
And we were both looking
And though you were just taking me out
You seemed to take me out
Of an eighteen year misery

As you took me in your
Excellent memory
I watched
In your rear view earrings
And smiled