Another verse to keep for life
I have never teared up over a verse before.
But this...is exactly what I have needed the past few weeks.
Psalm 34:18 (Amplified Bible)
"The Lord is close to those who are of a broken heart and saves such as are crushed with sorrow for sin and are humbly and thoroughly penitent."
The one thing...that has been holding me back for so long...is forgiveness of self. The reason why I am not healing...not feeling empowered or filled by Christ...is holding on to sin's memory.
An ongoing character flaw of mine...thinking I have to hold onto the pain so I 'won't forget' and using the pain for 'motivation' to not mess up again.
God cannot work with that. By my actions I am claiming to know more about forgiveness than God. That I need the PAIN more than GOD to keep myself on the straight and narrow.
If my method worked, I should be finding some form of happiness or peace. I have not. I need to turn ALL my sin over to God, and stop thinking I have to spend the near future seeking 'atonement' or 'justice' through constant self-punishment, anger, and resentment. God cannot treat me as sinless if I do not WANT to become sinless!
God, I give it all to you. No more holding on. No more thinking I have to find my own forgiveness. No more thinking the setbacks and harshness of the past two months are a punishment. I am sorry for insulting you, thinking I am beyond Your ability to repair. Jesus suffered horribly for me, because I am WORTH it. It means You can finally start to work in me. Growing will be scary, and hard, but needed for the man You want me to be. I believe you CAN restore me to holiness, and You WANT to. I WANT You to live within me. Help me to stop looking at myself, only at my reflection in Your loving eyes.
Arjayen
But this...is exactly what I have needed the past few weeks.
Psalm 34:18 (Amplified Bible)
"The Lord is close to those who are of a broken heart and saves such as are crushed with sorrow for sin and are humbly and thoroughly penitent."
The one thing...that has been holding me back for so long...is forgiveness of self. The reason why I am not healing...not feeling empowered or filled by Christ...is holding on to sin's memory.
An ongoing character flaw of mine...thinking I have to hold onto the pain so I 'won't forget' and using the pain for 'motivation' to not mess up again.
God cannot work with that. By my actions I am claiming to know more about forgiveness than God. That I need the PAIN more than GOD to keep myself on the straight and narrow.
If my method worked, I should be finding some form of happiness or peace. I have not. I need to turn ALL my sin over to God, and stop thinking I have to spend the near future seeking 'atonement' or 'justice' through constant self-punishment, anger, and resentment. God cannot treat me as sinless if I do not WANT to become sinless!
God, I give it all to you. No more holding on. No more thinking I have to find my own forgiveness. No more thinking the setbacks and harshness of the past two months are a punishment. I am sorry for insulting you, thinking I am beyond Your ability to repair. Jesus suffered horribly for me, because I am WORTH it. It means You can finally start to work in me. Growing will be scary, and hard, but needed for the man You want me to be. I believe you CAN restore me to holiness, and You WANT to. I WANT You to live within me. Help me to stop looking at myself, only at my reflection in Your loving eyes.
Arjayen