- abusive parents (I have no choice but to see them now and again because my brother still lives with them... my sister is away at school now, so that's a step forward at least - I can see her there), so I have to see them - I can't NOT talk to my brother anymore :( Why can't God just get him a place for himself? He could come live with us, but we have no room :(
- Beat cervical cancer (parents didn't help - they didn't want to), now I have pre-skin cancer which I'm trying to suppress, but it doesn't seem to be helping :(
- I was diagnosed earlier this year with myoclonic epilepsy (which isn't as bad as other types of epilepsy, I'm grateful for that, but it's hard to live not knowing if I'm going to be vertigo-ey or not - I'm too scared to even drive most of the time, because I can get myself and my daughter seriously hurt), amongst other things (falling asleep without being able to control it - which is scary since I'm home with my daughter - what if she gets hurt and I'm out and can't get up?)
- I have Asperger's Syndrome (which isn't too bad, but it's still a bummer)
- I've been raped twice
- My body constantly hurts, and no one seems to know what's wrong... I do have bad arthritic knees (sometimes it's hard to even stand up), but the rest of my body hurts too - all the time... no one (so far, I think after 20+ doctors I don't know if I can do it again) seems to know what's wrong with me...
and more...
how many more blessings could you find for yourself if you stopped looking at what other people have and wanting that?
All I want is to be pain free... I want all this pain GONE. I want to be healthy for once :( Why am I always sick? It's always something else - always, always, always.
Some people have it waaaay harder than I do, of course. I'm not even saying I have it the absolute hardest - but that doesn't mean I'm not angry at Him :(
Didn't even Jesus complain to God?
I know I'm irrational, oh I do know that, but how can I not get angry now?
I know we don't talk much, but I find you to be a blessing to me whenever I read your comments. You are someone who helps me see the glory of God. Strange words coming from someone whom you barely know, I understand, but it's the honest truth.
There is a great deal of evil in the world, strangling it, wanting to shut off every crack through which light can enter. It makes sense that you would face great suffering and terrible pain. But I believe God wants to help you, that He's fighting for you even now. It's okay to be angry with Him. He wouldn't have taken all the anger and pain of the world onto Himself if it wasn't.
You're going to survive and you're going to be free. I just really fee convicted to say that for some reason. I don't know why, I just do.
oh that's horrible. of course you are angry - especially about the rapes. i hate men who do that - they deserve to be castrated with dull knives. practical help: have you seen a doctor about that? just to be sure for pregnancy and/or STDs? did you press charges or have you talked to a victim's advocate?
as far as constant pain: would it help to keep a pain diary so that doctors can see a pattern possibly? where is it localized?
if you are interest in help, i very gently suggest celebrate recovery. its a christian recovery group for anyone.
have you seen a doctor about that? just to be sure for pregnancy and/or STDs? did you press charges or have you talked to a victim's advocate?
Hell yes! It was someone I was going out with, it was all fine and dandy till he did a 360 on me :( But! I pressed charges, he had jail time, and he got deportation!
I'm keeping a medical diary sort of. One is for epilepsy, one is for this, one for that - and it helps them a bit but so far no luck :(
good! i am glad you had that closure, as painful as it must have been.
:( i will keep praying. Mystery Diseases are no fun at all. heck, even diseases that have a name but no cure or anything aren't all that fun! (i have a few)
*hands tylenol and/or chocolate* not sure if you drink at all, but i have found that a small glass of wine tends to have a calming effect occasionally. i am very careful with it since my dad was an alcoholic and i REALLY don't want to end up like that.
sounds like we might have similar stories. heh yea thats true wine has some.
not to minimize pain or anything, but you mentioned arthritic knees and a friend of mine has that but can practice yoga. i do it too, and its really relaxing.
I do a bit of it :) Plus swimming helps :) My knees, of out physical annoyances, are the least of my worries (still a pain in the ... knees ho ho ho), but it's not the biggest problem, you know? (It's a *&^% to walk upstairs though - THANK YOU GOD FOR PUTTING THE IDEA OF ELEVATORS IN THAT ONE GUY'S BRAIN!)
I know this isn't really the time or place for solutions but I have two suggestions.
1. As you said, just let yourself vent and be angry. Scream, throw things, beat up pillows, whatever it is that you do. If you hold it in, it's only going to get worse. God can handle you being mad at him for a bit.
2. Have you ever thought to see an acupuncturist for the pain. I had chronic pain that the doctors didn't understand and acupuncture has completely removed it.
- abusive parents (I have no choice but to see them now and again because my brother still lives with them... my sister is away at school now, so that's a step forward at least - I can see her there), so I have to see them - I can't NOT talk to my brother anymore :( Why can't God just get him a place for himself? He could come live with us, but we have no room :(
- Beat cervical cancer (parents didn't help - they didn't want to), now I have pre-skin cancer which I'm trying to suppress, but it doesn't seem to be helping :(
- I was diagnosed earlier this year with myoclonic epilepsy (which isn't as bad as other types of epilepsy, I'm grateful for that, but it's hard to live not knowing if I'm going to be vertigo-ey or not - I'm too scared to even drive most of the time, because I can get myself and my daughter seriously hurt), amongst other things (falling asleep without being able to control it - which is scary since I'm home with my daughter - what if she gets hurt and I'm out and can't get up?)
- I have Asperger's Syndrome (which isn't too bad, but it's still a bummer)
- I've been raped twice
- My body constantly hurts, and no one seems to know what's wrong... I do have bad arthritic knees (sometimes it's hard to even stand up), but the rest of my body hurts too - all the time... no one (so far, I think after 20+ doctors I don't know if I can do it again) seems to know what's wrong with me...
and more...
how many more blessings could you find for yourself if you stopped looking at what other people have and wanting that?
All I want is to be pain free... I want all this pain GONE. I want to be healthy for once :( Why am I always sick? It's always something else - always, always, always.
Some people have it waaaay harder than I do, of course. I'm not even saying I have it the absolute hardest - but that doesn't mean I'm not angry at Him :(
Didn't even Jesus complain to God?
I know I'm irrational, oh I do know that, but how can I not get angry now?
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There is a great deal of evil in the world, strangling it, wanting to shut off every crack through which light can enter. It makes sense that you would face great suffering and terrible pain. But I believe God wants to help you, that He's fighting for you even now. It's okay to be angry with Him. He wouldn't have taken all the anger and pain of the world onto Himself if it wasn't.
You're going to survive and you're going to be free. I just really fee convicted to say that for some reason. I don't know why, I just do.
If I can help you in any way, just let me know.
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Maybe I'm a yeller? Maybe I'm supposed to go outside and yell about things? ( I wouldn't mind that, honestly)
I feel better, thank you :)
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"lISTEN UP! Yeah, God, I'm talking to you! I'm MADDDDDD! I've had it, so cut it out, K? Thxbai."
God: "NO"
"Same time tomorrow?"
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as far as constant pain: would it help to keep a pain diary so that doctors can see a pattern possibly? where is it localized?
if you are interest in help, i very gently suggest celebrate recovery. its a christian recovery group for anyone.
Reply
Hell yes! It was someone I was going out with, it was all fine and dandy till he did a 360 on me :( But! I pressed charges, he had jail time, and he got deportation!
I'm keeping a medical diary sort of. One is for epilepsy, one is for this, one for that - and it helps them a bit but so far no luck :(
Celebrate recovery *writes down* thanks :)
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:( i will keep praying. Mystery Diseases are no fun at all. heck, even diseases that have a name but no cure or anything aren't all that fun! (i have a few)
*hands tylenol and/or chocolate* not sure if you drink at all, but i have found that a small glass of wine tends to have a calming effect occasionally. i am very careful with it since my dad was an alcoholic and i REALLY don't want to end up like that.
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My mom!
I do drink, but not often (only because it has so many calories and carbs and things and I'm trying to lose weight, haha)
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sounds like we might have similar stories. heh yea thats true wine has some.
not to minimize pain or anything, but you mentioned arthritic knees and a friend of mine has that but can practice yoga. i do it too, and its really relaxing.
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My knees, of out physical annoyances, are the least of my worries (still a pain in the ... knees ho ho ho), but it's not the biggest problem, you know?
(It's a *&^% to walk upstairs though - THANK YOU GOD FOR PUTTING THE IDEA OF ELEVATORS IN THAT ONE GUY'S BRAIN!)
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1. As you said, just let yourself vent and be angry. Scream, throw things, beat up pillows, whatever it is that you do. If you hold it in, it's only going to get worse. God can handle you being mad at him for a bit.
2. Have you ever thought to see an acupuncturist for the pain. I had chronic pain that the doctors didn't understand and acupuncture has completely removed it.
Reply
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