Stalker!!!!
hat is love?
Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more..."
- Haddaway. I think.
There are 2 types of love for me ( and for most mere mortals who do not work in porn ):
- Camaraderie. ' I love you guys '; you then hug your friends after a great night; and then scoot off to the nightbus stop to head back to bedsit land ( your only home ).
- The deeper, more full-on, love between couples.
So there are 2-tiers to it.
The Cabaret crowd understand this. As did Old Slimes. The porno-bunnies assume a person 'loving' you means that said person is actually a stalker. Well, in my experience anyway.
Even though they work in the 'entertainments business' so are bound to pick up a few fans along the way. They're idiots and then some are those porno-bunnies.
Obviously this has nowt to do with the last post and me falling a-foul of TG rules. This is just an obbo of the past 17-odd years of alt-clubbing.
As I said on the last post in the friendly rivalry between Olde Slimes & TG TG actually won. How many people watch porn these days? How many dress Industrial? Porn has clearly won the race. But...
The above 2-tiers of love often confuse the modern clubber in my experience. They always seem to jump to 'stalker' instead of a big hug. Often after hearing some hot gossip, so naturally they can't trust their own eyes... ( yes, this is a Mental Health symptom when it gets to the point where it's blatantly not true and they still believe it. Delusion is a psychosis, & mass/group-psychosis CAN happen ).
If you know Govt data you'll know that as of about 2002 the drug-de-jour in nightclubs became less rave & more Cocaine. Less hugs, & more aggression & paranoia ( yes, both ). I did a presentation about it for work ( here. .pdf ). It's a major factor as to why certain parts of the capital are now more violent these days.
Stimulant Psychosis. Google it.
If you lose 'happy' & 'hugs'; and replace it with 'aggressive' & 'paranoia'; you'll get a bunch of young club-kids making crap up about innocent people as they are, well, too hammered on the bad stuff. Cocaine has never been a 'social' drug in the true sense. It actually kills the atmosphere of the night, because of how it is so negative in the emotions it produces.
In club-land no-one signs up for fights either. Outfits & dancing sure; fights are avoided. Drama, as people call it these days.
Models burning out. The pressure to 'be cool' to get paid, and how some people fry.
I haven't seen a pro-model burn put for a while now ( I'm pleased to say ), so all that healthy eating they do must be working; but... I've seen many a clubber lass ( and the odd bloke ) go off the deep end as they have fried themselves. Delusion, aggression, all sorts. Proper messy stuff too.
Being popular is hard work and stressful. Seriously. It's why my generation hid from the cameras. We were ' tuning in, turning on, & dropping out ' when oot & aboot; not trying to earn a living. When clubs became work-places for so many they, well, it just changed.
A different world.
Much as I don't advocate drug use any more ( I'm post drugs these days obviously ) at the same time I do get why kids do it. I do want a couple of substances legalised & taxed as well ( for entirely medical reasons ). I just know that I'm too olde for that crap myself ( Real Ale for Real Men! ).
And I've scraped enough injured people off of the pavement to know that prohibition simply does not work.
Entertainers get fans. Said entertainers are pretty good at managing them ( the Cabaret crowd, & a decent couple of models I'm a fan of too ). Fan love ( of the artist ) is like the Camaraderie mentioned above.
Clubber-lasses? They're the ones that go crazy & scream stalker as you said hi to them via their VERY public blog ( even though they are on a Social Network ). They say it in public, people respond on a similar emotional level innocently, and *splat* ( because the lass who runs the blog is actually NotRightInTheHead.com ).
As a clubber-boy ( ageing sure, but technically I still count ) how do I meet a clubber-lass when said clubber-lasses are often so neurotic ( and are often backed up by violent &/or drug-addled men )?
This is why I got it into my head that me dating is simply 'over'. I've 'hit that age'.
I'm in a Golconda-de-nookie, so it's not about getting laid ( like some rutting 17 yr old lad ); but... Sex is fun, and so is a decent snuggle.
So as I wait for my semi-Admiral's Pie to cook ( I'm using trout instead of Salmon as it is cheaper ) I, well, I dunno.
I'm at peace, sure; but it does still feel sad that 15 yours of Croydon-life simply added up to me building a fear of women ( because of how sodding violent Croydon is ) as well as, well, no love-life at all. 15 years destroyed by liars and thugs, only interested in getting hammered & laid, is quite the loss. And the local women just fell for it every time. Oh dear...
I can still love. I've actually healed pretty well, which is cool. It's just shite that 15 years went down the loo like that. Academically I did well during this period, but I was always alone.
Hence why I am now the Outlander. Those years changed me from the Social Butterfly I used to be to, well, someone fully adapted to being alone for weeks on end.
Adapt & survive, sure; but what kinda animal does that to an injured man in the first place? Chicks eh?
Maybe with time I'll heal some more. For now I'm just enjoying the friendships around me. Keep it simple etc etc. Maybe with time someone will gel with my way enough for dating to happen; but, seeing as I don't just jump into bed with people, I don't see how that can happen without some kind of friendship & camaraderie first. The love has to grow from somewhere. I know people well enough now to not blindly trust them like I did in my youth.
And at my age there is no such thing as a 'single woman'. The sea is pretty barren of fish I'm afraid.
Hence my belief that it is over when it comes to dating ( it actually died a decade ago when I hit 30 ).
So I enjoy the friendship.
Which, last night, was pretty damn rockin' :)