[It's just audio] See, there's a reason I hate 'reports'. They're fucking impersonal, and distant and don't get half the fucking actual story across
( Read more... )
Re: Private, video ---> SPAMchrist_onabikeApril 30 2011, 02:23:35 UTC
[He's a little curious about the bag, but won't ask just yet, instead sitting down next to her on the car seat, pulling out his cigarettes and a lighter, offering both to her first,]
Re: Private, video ---> SPAMintofireforeverApril 30 2011, 02:34:00 UTC
I know that, but there are some things I need to get out...starting with this.
[She flicks through the pages and settles on one fairly close to the beginning.]
I wrote this entry when I was twelve.
[Slowly, she begins to read it aloud.]
Never before in my life have I been so confused. It is five-thirty exactly in the morning, and I can barely hold this pen I am shaking so much. I have been in the woods again. Lost. But have been led. I think I am a very bad person. Tomorrow I will start a new way of living. I will not think any more bad thoughts. I will not think any more about sex. Maybe he will stop coming if I try harder to be good. Maybe I could be like Donna. She is a good person. I am bad.
Re: Private, video ---> SPAMchrist_onabikeApril 30 2011, 02:39:27 UTC
[Paddy just nods, and leans forward a little, listening so intently that he's entirely forgotten that he was smoking, and letting it burn down a little between his fingers.]
You were... [He realises that doesn't help, so instead asks,]
Why did you want me to hear that? [HE can make a lot of guesses, but she'd chosen to do this, he hadn't asked her to.]
Re: Private, video ---> SPAMintofireforeverApril 30 2011, 02:49:45 UTC
There's one more I want you to hear first.
[She plans on explaining after she's finished with it, and starts to flick through the pages again. This time she settles on a page close to the end.]
...Somehow, I don't remember it, but, somehow everyday I asked to be treated this way. It always happens, so it must be something I don't realize I say, or something I think. I told him how I went to my safety deposit box and how I saw the drug money there and I had a fantasy about taking it and running away forever. But I didn't deserve that. I deserved to stay here. I had done something wrong. My heart hurt so badly, but I knew I had to stay.
...I was dead about two weeks later, I think. I stopped dating the entries around the time I decided I wanted to die.
Re: Private, video ---> SPAMchrist_onabikeApril 30 2011, 10:06:05 UTC
[Paddy took a deep breath inwards. It was more difficult hearing it from her than reading it. It always had been. He finally took a drag off his mostly burnt out cigarette and looked over at her,]
What do you think about that now?
[He thought it was a bit of a weak question to ask, but it was the best one he'd got, and there was clearly a point to her telling him this, so he had to ask, he couldn't just try and make her feel better.]
Re: Private, video ---> SPAMintofireforeverApril 30 2011, 23:40:35 UTC
[She shakes her head.]
I don't know. I just remember...what it was like to not feel that way, now. He took that feeling away, but it just made me feel worse once I realized he'd messed with my head. He took something that was mine, and getting 'fixed' like that...it made it seem like what happened to me for so long didn't matter. That it could be fixed as easily as a snap of the fingers, no big deal.
He took something from me without my consent, and it doesn't matter whether what he took was good or bad. I don't see how that's much better than the shit BOB pulled.
Re: Private, video ---> SPAMchrist_onabikeApril 30 2011, 23:42:35 UTC
[Paddy nodded, as it was what he'd wanted to tell her, but far more eloquently put,] It wasn't his to fix, or his to mess with, or his to even fucking touch.
It's not the slightest bit better than that shit, if you ask me. But you stopped it. You got him to end it, and all by your self. That's... fucking huge.
It's okay, I don't mind.
[Yeah, it's embarrassing, but...well, she'd be lying if she said she didn't want him to be proud of her.]
Thank you, Paddy.
Reply
Most welcome. Nothin' you don't deserve.
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I'll be over in a couple of minutes. I just needed to get something.
Reply
Reply
[A couple minutes later, she knocks on his door.]
Reply
Reply
[She slips by him, a tote bag in her hand, and sits down on his limo seat. She knows the drill by now.]
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What's in the bag?
[He couldn't quite resist asking.]
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My diary. I got it for my twelfth birthday, and kept up with it until I died.
[She takes the key from the bag next, and unlocks the diary, cracking it open.]
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Laura, you don't have to show me anythin' in there. I mean, if you want to, alright, but... you don't.
Reply
[She flicks through the pages and settles on one fairly close to the beginning.]
I wrote this entry when I was twelve.
[Slowly, she begins to read it aloud.]
Never before in my life have I been so confused. It is five-thirty exactly in the morning, and I can barely hold this pen I am shaking so much. I have been in the woods again. Lost. But have been led. I think I am a very bad person. Tomorrow I will start a new way of living. I will not think any more bad thoughts. I will not think any more about sex. Maybe he will stop coming if I try harder to be good. Maybe I could be like Donna. She is a good person. I am bad.
Reply
You were... [He realises that doesn't help, so instead asks,]
Why did you want me to hear that? [HE can make a lot of guesses, but she'd chosen to do this, he hadn't asked her to.]
Reply
[She plans on explaining after she's finished with it, and starts to flick through the pages again. This time she settles on a page close to the end.]
...Somehow, I don't remember it, but, somehow everyday I asked to be treated this way. It always happens, so it must be something I don't realize I say, or something I think. I told him how I went to my safety deposit box and how I saw the drug money there and I had a fantasy about taking it and running away forever. But I didn't deserve that. I deserved to stay here. I had done something wrong. My heart hurt so badly, but I knew I had to stay.
...I was dead about two weeks later, I think. I stopped dating the entries around the time I decided I wanted to die.
Reply
What do you think about that now?
[He thought it was a bit of a weak question to ask, but it was the best one he'd got, and there was clearly a point to her telling him this, so he had to ask, he couldn't just try and make her feel better.]
Reply
I don't know. I just remember...what it was like to not feel that way, now. He took that feeling away, but it just made me feel worse once I realized he'd messed with my head. He took something that was mine, and getting 'fixed' like that...it made it seem like what happened to me for so long didn't matter. That it could be fixed as easily as a snap of the fingers, no big deal.
He took something from me without my consent, and it doesn't matter whether what he took was good or bad. I don't see how that's much better than the shit BOB pulled.
Reply
It's not the slightest bit better than that shit, if you ask me. But you stopped it. You got him to end it, and all by your self. That's... fucking huge.
Reply
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