98. I can do kids.
Right, kiddos. [He appears, in the kitchen, with a friendly grin.] I'm Patrick, you can call me Paddy. I'm like... sorta the responsible one here, I guess. The other adults are plenty responsible and they'll be alright, I promise. But! I'm like... more responsible. I'm the guy in charge of things and all that.
I also do the food around here. [He waves at the kitchen behind him,] So everyone come to dinner, I promise it'll be awesome. Who wants pizza?
There's a coupla important things, and I want the older ones of you to listen hard and good, yeah?
[He holds up one finger.] One: If any of the other adults are mean, or nasty, or try to hurt you? Let me know. I'll make sure that it doesn't happen again. If they scare you, come to me. I can look after you instead. No worries.
[Two fingers] Two: I can't get you home, I'm sorry. I can't quite explain it, but you haven't been kidnapped, you've got nothing to worry about. Me and the other adults here'll look after you, and you'll get to go home in a few days. It'll be like a dream. You'll wake up at home, and nobody'll miss you. Promise. You won't be in trouble, or miss school, or any of that.
[Three fingers] Three: There's some parts of the ship that only me and a coupla others can get into. If you want to go play outside for a bit or something, just send me a message.
[Four fingers] Four: I'll be in the kitchen, which is on the first floor, or in room 10 on the eighth floor.
[Warden filter]
Adults. Sound off.
[Inmate filter]
Right. Let me make this fucking clear. I know some of you are a bit fucking messed up and that.
[He pulls his shot gun out from behind the counter.] But if any of you so much as touch a hair on any of these kids heads, you will get a gun in your fucking face, and I will toss you in zero like I'm throwing away a piece of shit.
Be fucking responsible, or else. And I don't fucking kid around. Not when it comes to little kids.
Those of you who actually have kids in the real world, and know what you're doing, or are generally sane, want to help me actually organise this shit? Any ideas, stuff to keep 'em busy, that kinda thing. Hit me with 'em.
I also do the food around here. [He waves at the kitchen behind him,] So everyone come to dinner, I promise it'll be awesome. Who wants pizza?
There's a coupla important things, and I want the older ones of you to listen hard and good, yeah?
[He holds up one finger.] One: If any of the other adults are mean, or nasty, or try to hurt you? Let me know. I'll make sure that it doesn't happen again. If they scare you, come to me. I can look after you instead. No worries.
[Two fingers] Two: I can't get you home, I'm sorry. I can't quite explain it, but you haven't been kidnapped, you've got nothing to worry about. Me and the other adults here'll look after you, and you'll get to go home in a few days. It'll be like a dream. You'll wake up at home, and nobody'll miss you. Promise. You won't be in trouble, or miss school, or any of that.
[Three fingers] Three: There's some parts of the ship that only me and a coupla others can get into. If you want to go play outside for a bit or something, just send me a message.
[Four fingers] Four: I'll be in the kitchen, which is on the first floor, or in room 10 on the eighth floor.
[Warden filter]
Adults. Sound off.
[Inmate filter]
Right. Let me make this fucking clear. I know some of you are a bit fucking messed up and that.
[He pulls his shot gun out from behind the counter.] But if any of you so much as touch a hair on any of these kids heads, you will get a gun in your fucking face, and I will toss you in zero like I'm throwing away a piece of shit.
Be fucking responsible, or else. And I don't fucking kid around. Not when it comes to little kids.
Those of you who actually have kids in the real world, and know what you're doing, or are generally sane, want to help me actually organise this shit? Any ideas, stuff to keep 'em busy, that kinda thing. Hit me with 'em.