2 and a half days of silence: an update
Gosh...2 and a half days of silence. I'm feeling all sorts of things. Under the doctor's orders, I've been advised to not send, return, or receive any calls or texts. And I've stayed true to that perscription.
But...it's been easier because I've received nothing. I wonder if his mind is so clear like he said it was when we stopped talking for 2 months last October-December. But why do I care if his mind is clear? I still care how this goes down. And if it ends in silence, then I guess that's it.
I'm also thinking that the song "Never Again" by Kelly Clarkson provides some therapy - because it describes some of my darker feelings if I tried really hard to hate him, but it's not THAT great of a song. And I don't hate...moreso just disappointed.
A list of things associated with Jonny that will totally bother me the next few weeks unless they become associated repeatedly with other things or people:
- Malibu, CA
- anything Hawaii
- "Lost Without You" by Robin Thicke
- James Morrison songs
I'm sure there's other things. Those however, will bother me.
I am in Hollywood...I have friends here, I have people that care about me here, I have a job, I have a new place, I should focus on that. I want to let this die...silently and with the least amount of pain. Something deep is just telling me that I'm cutting off a lot of dead weight (which is always good), but it's so deep-rooted in my soul...a year and change of talking to someone every night...every detail of you and them...it can become a drug of its own. it's like a cancer that grew over my heart. But it's gotta go, right?
I won't let this break my heart beyond repair.
<><><>Later dayz...
But...it's been easier because I've received nothing. I wonder if his mind is so clear like he said it was when we stopped talking for 2 months last October-December. But why do I care if his mind is clear? I still care how this goes down. And if it ends in silence, then I guess that's it.
I'm also thinking that the song "Never Again" by Kelly Clarkson provides some therapy - because it describes some of my darker feelings if I tried really hard to hate him, but it's not THAT great of a song. And I don't hate...moreso just disappointed.
A list of things associated with Jonny that will totally bother me the next few weeks unless they become associated repeatedly with other things or people:
- Malibu, CA
- anything Hawaii
- "Lost Without You" by Robin Thicke
- James Morrison songs
I'm sure there's other things. Those however, will bother me.
I am in Hollywood...I have friends here, I have people that care about me here, I have a job, I have a new place, I should focus on that. I want to let this die...silently and with the least amount of pain. Something deep is just telling me that I'm cutting off a lot of dead weight (which is always good), but it's so deep-rooted in my soul...a year and change of talking to someone every night...every detail of you and them...it can become a drug of its own. it's like a cancer that grew over my heart. But it's gotta go, right?
I won't let this break my heart beyond repair.
<><><>Later dayz...