Week 2 Comment - The Bay by Shayne
chrisoneill on March 8th, 2009 05:30 am (UTC)
Hi Shayne.
Your subject matter is one that can only be fully appreciated by those that have experienced it first hand. It is therefore difficult, I believe, to critique your work as it is a particularly personal piece of writing. However, I found the poem at the end of the passage to be excellent. Its minimalist style resonated with the current situation you were in and your lack of freedom. I also felt that the last thought seemed to linger in the air after the poem had finished. It was decidedly clear that this was the main thought that would be constantly on your mind as you served out the sentence. I know that in other comments you mentioned that you are not that into poetry. I would wager that if you ever decided to sit down and write from the heart again like this obviously was, it would be a winner every time.
Chris.