(no subject)
these nights i sit here, and i get to thinking.
my brother (half brother) contacted me, and asked to see if i wanted to go see our father up in Chico. Ive never really told anyone about how i felt about my father. And if you think this another emo entry or whatever, fuck you cause this is what i truly feel. So please stop reading if you must.
but anyway, my brother IMs me and suggests we go see our dad. And i ask him why (him knowing i hold some stuff against our dad). And he basiclly says that were the only family he has, and that hes not going to be around forever. Which is true. I got to thinking, you know i was my dad alot, and he had plenty of chances. But why should i give him a second chance when he would have rather of gotten high all those times before. And i was thinking. Fuck that why should i? He had all the time in the world.
Becuase of my father being around, but still not being there, it made me feel like shit. And i still hold alot of against him. "fucking cry me ariver chris, daddy didnt hug you enough" yeah it seems that way doesnt it?
I feel conflicted between going, i couldnt imagine never seeing my dad again, but not seeing him for years on end has not had that much of an effect on me. I guess its the whole idea of him actually being gone, and me not WANTING to talk to him rather than not being able to. Not sure really what to do on this one. Im probably going to go up, swallow my pride, and hang out with him while i still. But i still wanna let him know how much he did.
Another thing has bothered me, i met a really cool girl. And its my dumb self for giving her mixed signals. I do actually feel something for her. But im still....i dont know how to put it, but "down" from my last relationship. Its real hard for me to trust females now. Im not saying all of them will screw me over, but its been real hard. I dont understand why im feeling this way nor do i think its fair to her, because all ive been doing is sending her mixed singals. I need to figure out what to do. I really wanna be happy, and i want her to be happy aswell. So i dont know. We will see what happens.
Oh yeah FF is done we played our last show like 2 weeks ago, it was amazing. thanks to anyone that was apart of some of the best times in my life.
For now...
Goodnight
my brother (half brother) contacted me, and asked to see if i wanted to go see our father up in Chico. Ive never really told anyone about how i felt about my father. And if you think this another emo entry or whatever, fuck you cause this is what i truly feel. So please stop reading if you must.
but anyway, my brother IMs me and suggests we go see our dad. And i ask him why (him knowing i hold some stuff against our dad). And he basiclly says that were the only family he has, and that hes not going to be around forever. Which is true. I got to thinking, you know i was my dad alot, and he had plenty of chances. But why should i give him a second chance when he would have rather of gotten high all those times before. And i was thinking. Fuck that why should i? He had all the time in the world.
Becuase of my father being around, but still not being there, it made me feel like shit. And i still hold alot of against him. "fucking cry me ariver chris, daddy didnt hug you enough" yeah it seems that way doesnt it?
I feel conflicted between going, i couldnt imagine never seeing my dad again, but not seeing him for years on end has not had that much of an effect on me. I guess its the whole idea of him actually being gone, and me not WANTING to talk to him rather than not being able to. Not sure really what to do on this one. Im probably going to go up, swallow my pride, and hang out with him while i still. But i still wanna let him know how much he did.
Another thing has bothered me, i met a really cool girl. And its my dumb self for giving her mixed signals. I do actually feel something for her. But im still....i dont know how to put it, but "down" from my last relationship. Its real hard for me to trust females now. Im not saying all of them will screw me over, but its been real hard. I dont understand why im feeling this way nor do i think its fair to her, because all ive been doing is sending her mixed singals. I need to figure out what to do. I really wanna be happy, and i want her to be happy aswell. So i dont know. We will see what happens.
Oh yeah FF is done we played our last show like 2 weeks ago, it was amazing. thanks to anyone that was apart of some of the best times in my life.
For now...
Goodnight