With knowledge comes great responsibility...
It's early in the morning, but it is too warm to sleep, so I feel I should just write. I went for a walk yesterday evening (closer to yesterday morning), and I pondered what impact imbalance has on our ability to make reasonable decisions, especially those that are long-lasting and life-impacting. Over the course of about an hour, I realized that trying to make such important choices without first taking care of the most basic necessities is a great deal like asking a horse to push (not pull) a cart. It is possible, but not without a great deal of hardship and confusion.
The complexities of my life (self-inspired, I admit) are too distracting to even begin to consider such important things like vocation and what to do with my life. Additionally, when I do consider these things, the complications I have imparted on my own way of life weigh heavily on the situation by creating new false complications. I used to pride myself on being able to find the easy path through a tangled web of complexity and complication, but I am beginning to understand how others find this to be such a difficult task. It is for this reason that I am laying out a plan with no boundaries regarding time or place to confine my own self-healing.
Phase 1: Retreat
For me, the term retreat has come to mean a chance to rebuild (faith, love, etc...) from the beginning. Alternatively, retreats (be them self-facilitated or otherwise) that are ineffective are those that attempt to achieve their objectives from an inconvenient beginning, that assume some level of mental clarity. I do not wish to do this. I want to start from the beginning. I call this retreat "Breaking The Ego."
For this activity, I hope to set aside time to simplify my life. I am on vacation, so this is a good time to start. The primary objective is to set up some understand of what I am versus what I am not. In other words, I hope to separate me from the mask. I do not expect this to be a simple task, and for this reason, I will not be setting deadlines or progress requirements. I will simply be journaling all those things that come to mind that I have been associated with in the past (both positive and negative) and allowing time to reflect on whether those things are truly a part of me or if they are a part of my pretense. As I do this, my hope is that by cutting away those things that I establish are truly not a part of who I am, I will find the freedom I desire to truly seek God and pursue peace.
Phase 2: Assessment of Needs
Once I have a better model of who I am, I will then begin putting mindfulness into practice. I will carefully be assessing what parts of my day-to-day life do not cater (and perhaps even tarnish) my ability to avoid pretense. Admittedly, this phase frightens me a bit because I know it may force me to give up things I have become attached to. Change is hard, but whatever lies in the best interest of my true self will be worth my time in the end.
Phase 3: Commitment to Change
Once I have assessed what serves as distractions in my life, I will begin to remove them. I expect some of this to happen in phase 2, however, I do feel some of the greater difficulties must be dealt with in their own time with their own direct focus. Again, I expect this will be difficult, but I am up for a challenge. As a wise man once told me, "When you remove everything from your life, all that is left is you and God."
Phase 4: Seek to Move Forward
Naturally, after removing distractions, I imagine some things will need to be added to my life. Phases 3 and 4 are potentially interchangeable (or perhaps even run the risk of simultaneity), but I do imagine they will happen more in this order.
Phase 5: Seek Peace and Pursue It
This is the final phase in which a rejuvenated me will hopefully emerge capable of making life choices with the help of Divine Providence. It is this phase that I look forward to the most, but four phases stand in my way. Wish me luck!
The complexities of my life (self-inspired, I admit) are too distracting to even begin to consider such important things like vocation and what to do with my life. Additionally, when I do consider these things, the complications I have imparted on my own way of life weigh heavily on the situation by creating new false complications. I used to pride myself on being able to find the easy path through a tangled web of complexity and complication, but I am beginning to understand how others find this to be such a difficult task. It is for this reason that I am laying out a plan with no boundaries regarding time or place to confine my own self-healing.
Phase 1: Retreat
For me, the term retreat has come to mean a chance to rebuild (faith, love, etc...) from the beginning. Alternatively, retreats (be them self-facilitated or otherwise) that are ineffective are those that attempt to achieve their objectives from an inconvenient beginning, that assume some level of mental clarity. I do not wish to do this. I want to start from the beginning. I call this retreat "Breaking The Ego."
For this activity, I hope to set aside time to simplify my life. I am on vacation, so this is a good time to start. The primary objective is to set up some understand of what I am versus what I am not. In other words, I hope to separate me from the mask. I do not expect this to be a simple task, and for this reason, I will not be setting deadlines or progress requirements. I will simply be journaling all those things that come to mind that I have been associated with in the past (both positive and negative) and allowing time to reflect on whether those things are truly a part of me or if they are a part of my pretense. As I do this, my hope is that by cutting away those things that I establish are truly not a part of who I am, I will find the freedom I desire to truly seek God and pursue peace.
Phase 2: Assessment of Needs
Once I have a better model of who I am, I will then begin putting mindfulness into practice. I will carefully be assessing what parts of my day-to-day life do not cater (and perhaps even tarnish) my ability to avoid pretense. Admittedly, this phase frightens me a bit because I know it may force me to give up things I have become attached to. Change is hard, but whatever lies in the best interest of my true self will be worth my time in the end.
Phase 3: Commitment to Change
Once I have assessed what serves as distractions in my life, I will begin to remove them. I expect some of this to happen in phase 2, however, I do feel some of the greater difficulties must be dealt with in their own time with their own direct focus. Again, I expect this will be difficult, but I am up for a challenge. As a wise man once told me, "When you remove everything from your life, all that is left is you and God."
Phase 4: Seek to Move Forward
Naturally, after removing distractions, I imagine some things will need to be added to my life. Phases 3 and 4 are potentially interchangeable (or perhaps even run the risk of simultaneity), but I do imagine they will happen more in this order.
Phase 5: Seek Peace and Pursue It
This is the final phase in which a rejuvenated me will hopefully emerge capable of making life choices with the help of Divine Providence. It is this phase that I look forward to the most, but four phases stand in my way. Wish me luck!