I hope
I had a reunion with depression today. I did not enjoy it.
Dove into some furniture projects hard. It felt good to get my hands on some wood. Shape it. Bring out it's beauty. Almost finished with a country farm table I had started more than 3 months ago. I find time now so it's complete. I want to sell it quickly. It reminds me of things left to sit while I carried on down another path - a path that brought me what? Pain? No that's not fair. A greater understanding? Maybe. Anytime I can help someone is not time waisted - I know this. The Universe rewards us each in it's own way and I have learned much on that road helping a friend who might not have done as well without me. I can be happy about that.
I've allowed myself to be vulnerable and I'm not sure how to reconcile that with how I'm feeling at the moment. The stoic strong silent type is my thing. How did I allow this to happen? I've got to re-build my walls. I can't allow myself to hope for things that clearly aren't meant for me.
If someone is going to reach there again they'll have to break the walls down themselves. I can't do this. This is why I don't let people in. The rejection. The pain. I wouldn't date me either so what do I expect.
And nobody can rescue me from this.
Tomorrow will be a better day. I hope.
Dove into some furniture projects hard. It felt good to get my hands on some wood. Shape it. Bring out it's beauty. Almost finished with a country farm table I had started more than 3 months ago. I find time now so it's complete. I want to sell it quickly. It reminds me of things left to sit while I carried on down another path - a path that brought me what? Pain? No that's not fair. A greater understanding? Maybe. Anytime I can help someone is not time waisted - I know this. The Universe rewards us each in it's own way and I have learned much on that road helping a friend who might not have done as well without me. I can be happy about that.
I've allowed myself to be vulnerable and I'm not sure how to reconcile that with how I'm feeling at the moment. The stoic strong silent type is my thing. How did I allow this to happen? I've got to re-build my walls. I can't allow myself to hope for things that clearly aren't meant for me.
If someone is going to reach there again they'll have to break the walls down themselves. I can't do this. This is why I don't let people in. The rejection. The pain. I wouldn't date me either so what do I expect.
And nobody can rescue me from this.
Tomorrow will be a better day. I hope.