(no subject)

[chorusqt654]

I don't think I'll ever get it. Sometimes I really think people's expectations are just too great for anyone on the planet to even THINK of aspiring to. The last couple of weeks I've really been thinking about my life and how it's changed so drastically in just the last few months. Completely different enviroment. My enviroment in Atlanta seems so much more grown up. I remember Biloxi as a free place filled with good times and drinking and limited responsibility. In Atlanta, I still have plenty of good times, but things are different. I feel very settled. Very.. at peace. A few big things have occured in just the last two months.. things that I thought if they ever happened would destroy me, and you know what? Eerily...I'm fine. I'm not just "fine".. I'm really good. I've learned that sometimes in life it's better to leave things completely unsaid. No matter how intense your feelings are on the situation. I feel like in situations I wish I had super powers. I wish I had a power to say exactly what I feel, exactly when I feel it, and not lose my train of thought when my stomach sinks to the floor. I was in a situation recently where I was judged for past actions by an individual who, to say the least, had no right to preach to me about lying, deception, or cheating. In that moment, when they were inflicting me with rude words and scandalous glances I just brushed them off... just wished them a good night and walked away. About ten minutes later I felt like such a doofus, cause there were atleast 100 different things I could have used to shut them up... but I didn't. The moment of truth presented itself and Robyn drew a complete blank. Moments like that frustrate me. But then I ask myself.. if I would have said anything would it honestly have made any difference? I don't think it would have. So thank god for my lack of super power wit in tough situations.

so.. if any of this didn't make sense. I'm really sorry.. to be honest, not much makes sense to me... heh