Improvement
After my t'pist appt on Monday, I took some time to re-evaluate how I've been treating my condition and possible changes that I might consider. I've finally realized that one of the best ways for me to feel better is to force myself into situations that I am likely to enjoy.
D asked some very probing questions: where do I see myself "professionally" in 25 years, when do I plan on retiring, how do I intend to support myself both pre- and post- retirement, have I finally gotten tired enough of the perception of my condition to do something to change it?
I was most surprised by my reaction to these questions. Rather than getting defensive and adopting the attitude of "But I'm sick and need more time" I found myself seriously considering what part I've played in continuing to not be able to work. I know the limitations on the work that I am willing to do, I also know how these limitations limit my choices, I've accepted that this is simply a part of making difficult decisions. D reminded me that I have all the answers that I need - thanks to combined years of therapy - I just need to get off my butt and make those answers a reality in my life!!! It was a very much needed kick in the tender parts of my anatomy. He didn't "say" that he would like our 1-on-1 sessions to end, but he did indicate that it was a waste of both our time and resources for me to continue seeing him as no more than a sounding board. I happen to agree.
As a result, I've made some calls to various temp agencies and will be interviewing with them in the near future. Temp work may not be suitable for many people, but I have worked for a number of high profile agencies in the past and have found them to be a nice fit to myself. My experience tells me that - for now - working on a contract basis will give me the added structure that I need in my life, while still affording me the time and energy to continue addressing my bipolar condition. I'm not nearly naive enough to think that I can re-enter the workforce on a permanent basis, but I do feel the need to test the waters so that when I am ready to dive in, I will be prepared. This type of work will also give me the time I need to continue with my painting and my search for further clients in research and investigation.
I may not be "well" but I am certainly in better shape than I was 18 months ago. My hope is that any medications I am prescribed will eventually help to alleviate some of the more troublesome effects of bipolar condition(s). I don't want to lose (or suppress) my creativity, involvement in things (which sometimes transforms into anger), or my uniqueness. That's too much of a trade off to be considered "normal" and "healthy". I do want to be able to control some of my tendencies towards over-reacting and feel far less of the cyclical ups and downs that I'm currently going through.
I feel ready to at least investigate how working again will effect my life. I just want to get back into my life again!!!
That's all for now.
Be well ....
Chorus
D asked some very probing questions: where do I see myself "professionally" in 25 years, when do I plan on retiring, how do I intend to support myself both pre- and post- retirement, have I finally gotten tired enough of the perception of my condition to do something to change it?
I was most surprised by my reaction to these questions. Rather than getting defensive and adopting the attitude of "But I'm sick and need more time" I found myself seriously considering what part I've played in continuing to not be able to work. I know the limitations on the work that I am willing to do, I also know how these limitations limit my choices, I've accepted that this is simply a part of making difficult decisions. D reminded me that I have all the answers that I need - thanks to combined years of therapy - I just need to get off my butt and make those answers a reality in my life!!! It was a very much needed kick in the tender parts of my anatomy. He didn't "say" that he would like our 1-on-1 sessions to end, but he did indicate that it was a waste of both our time and resources for me to continue seeing him as no more than a sounding board. I happen to agree.
As a result, I've made some calls to various temp agencies and will be interviewing with them in the near future. Temp work may not be suitable for many people, but I have worked for a number of high profile agencies in the past and have found them to be a nice fit to myself. My experience tells me that - for now - working on a contract basis will give me the added structure that I need in my life, while still affording me the time and energy to continue addressing my bipolar condition. I'm not nearly naive enough to think that I can re-enter the workforce on a permanent basis, but I do feel the need to test the waters so that when I am ready to dive in, I will be prepared. This type of work will also give me the time I need to continue with my painting and my search for further clients in research and investigation.
I may not be "well" but I am certainly in better shape than I was 18 months ago. My hope is that any medications I am prescribed will eventually help to alleviate some of the more troublesome effects of bipolar condition(s). I don't want to lose (or suppress) my creativity, involvement in things (which sometimes transforms into anger), or my uniqueness. That's too much of a trade off to be considered "normal" and "healthy". I do want to be able to control some of my tendencies towards over-reacting and feel far less of the cyclical ups and downs that I'm currently going through.
I feel ready to at least investigate how working again will effect my life. I just want to get back into my life again!!!
That's all for now.
Be well ....
Chorus