*About Last Night*
::Tears:: I am so fusterated I just wanna run away from everything and everyone. Last night I was supposed to hang out with Mike (a guy that used to work at Balzers, he just moved into another apartment and he wanted me to come over and check out his new place) I didnt end up doing that though. But before I talked to him I talked to Kevin. What a complete smack in the face. So it has been four days today since I have seen him. He told me last night that Kate came home and he was spending the night with her. What a smack in the face! But of course, I dont let him know that because I just dont! So I just wanted to get off of the phone by that point because he told me that he didnt know if we were gunna hang out tomorrow or the next day? What the fuck do you mean you dont know? Im your fucking girlfriend! So we hung up and I threw the phone at the wall and twenty seconds later my grandma came in my room and I just lost it. I freaked out on her and told her to just leave me alone. I got up and called Stevie Pooh and left him a message because I really needed to talk and let out my fusterations. I didnt hear from him until around midnight..he left me a nice and cute message to make me feel better. So after being pissed...I was going to call my brothers best friend Kevin to see what they were doing and I accidently called my Kevin. Ooops! He asked if I wanted to come over because a bunch of people were coming over his house...I asked who and he snapped at me. By that point, I was like thats it. I just asked a simple question. I didnt want to talk to him...so I got up...I took a shower and got dressed. I went to the movies last night and saw Rumor has it...OMGoodness what a great movie. I was in tears by the end but it was so good. I left there and hung out with Lisa..she just turned 18. HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABY GIRL! So probably this weekend I am going to take her out to the clubs and go dancing. Maybe that will take things off of my mind. So we hung out and sang and danced for awhile. Then we got bored and went over my older brothers house to hang out around midnight. Then I took her home because I had to go to bed. And here I am again..at work! I guess its better than being at home because then I start dwelling on things and I make myself so upset. I have to work at Applebees this morning. I am off tomorrow thank god! I think that I might hang out with Stevie Pooh tomorrow until Lisa wants to go to the club. I havent seen him since I went down to Hillsdale over the summer. I miss him so much. He has always been there for me when my life gets shitty. I really wished that I could have talked to him last night...I really needed someone. I am going through so much. Its pretty sad that my own boyfriend doesnt even know that. Oh well...maybe he doesnt know whats important. I knew I shouldnt have set myself up to get hurt because this always happens to me. I try so hard to make someone happy and it never works. I dont belong with anyone. I went to bed around 1am...harldy slept...finally crawled out around 6:45am. I noticed that I got messages from Kevin. Wonder what he did last night...probably drunk because thats the only time that he really says things to me that are that nice. He said that he was sorry and that I make him so happy and that he is so lucky to have me. Well guess what? I dont think that I make him happy...geez its been what now? Four fucking days since I have seen him. All week I have wanted nothing more but to be able to just lay next to him to just have him play with my hair and kiss me. I havent felt good..I wanted him to make me feel better...but nope...instead its I dunno when we are gunna hang out again. I dont want to talk to anyone...I can do it. Maybe he just needs to think about whats important to him. Because he keeps pushing me away. Yeah, I dont want to end things with him and I wont...I just dont want to talk to him right now. I am sick of being smacked in the face. Yeah I am fucking jeaolus okay...and yeah I am scared to get hurt...but does that even matter to him? I have to stop typing I have to clock in for work..I am going to vent more on break. Sorry if this entry sounds so bitchy but I cant help it. I am having a horrible week...and its even worse that my boyfriend isnt around. *To make things worse my Mike called me last night* I didnt talk to him he just left me a message, my phone was off* Thank god on that. I dunno..I think that I am going to call my aunt down in Texas and see if I can come down in January for my birthday. I just wanna go away for awhile. I havent been down there to see my cousin or anything in awhile. I guess I will see what happens. I have to work...more later