Sticks and Stones and Weed and Bones

[chop]

Sometimes I wish I could go back to what I use to do and just get high, a lot. Turn on some good music, smoke, maybe even take a left over Vicodin. Especially when feeling depressed. I supposed I could theres nothing stopping me but its not the same. Like so many other things. Which is all yes part of life. Its not like I did any better then but at least I had some fun doing it.

I could go for a vacation, somewhere warm. Even a mental vacation would be fine with me. Let me escape all of my thoughts for awhile.

I miss art terribly. I've been pushing it all away. Forgetting. Excuses. Stuff mostly hid in my closet. I don't think I've ever been through a dry spell this long. Shitty. Josh has mentioned a few times its something that makes me happier. Something thats missing. . It feels just gone, vanished as soon as we moved here. I've done some photo stuff since then though so I guess thats not totally true. I'm craving something more real. A project. Maybe I'll get out my color pencils I love doing that, or loved it anyway. I'm very interested in the sustainable art movement. Things to think about.

I no longer feel like an artist. I suppose at this point I can mourn the loss or do something about it. Stop waiting for lightning to strike or divine intervention.

I'd like to get into somewhere volunteering. I'd like to make some kind of fucking difference.