altschmerz
Let's play the why am I not asleep game... I'm going through a vicious cycle right now where I am tired all day, drink caffeine then can't sleep at night. Part of it is I've been having so many nightmares that I don't want to sleep. The weird thing is my nightmares have gotten so repetitive that I was getting bored in them so lately they've been getting more ramped up. Which makes me think really? I'm a grown ass adult afraid to go to bed. Another part is that lately I've been having a strong desire to write but I don't have a lot of uninterrupted time that I feel would be required for it. I've also been putting it off because the last thing I really need is another hobby to critique myself so much I don't want to do it then feel bad because I'm not doing it. Another reason is because I'm a little afraid that one story in my head will somehow actually manifest in some way. I know, it's really silly.
Something else random, I realized this week that three different people called me just to vent about a problem in one day. Now I am wondering if I am co-dependent. Well shit, I just looked it up and I am definitely co-dependent. http://psychcentral.com/lib/symptoms-of-codependency/
This was right when I got back in town from vacation. It was a good vacation really. I went up north with Josh, my dad, Sandy and Owen. We saw the Northern Lights very vividly. We played cards until really late. It was a nice little break but that ate up the rest of our little savings we had left and I've never lived check to check without a safety net so this is a scary prospect for me.
Ok, I am going to bed. An hour earlier than last night at least. Going to a grad party for a cousin that I've never met tomorrow and I want to be on time and have some life in me for it.
Sometimes I worry that a lot people don't think deeply and feel things.
Lately I've been thinking of my mental states as me having different seasons. Its helping me for some reason.
"Seasons change and so can you."
Goodnight goodnight, maybe next time I will attempt to write. A chapter.
Something else random, I realized this week that three different people called me just to vent about a problem in one day. Now I am wondering if I am co-dependent. Well shit, I just looked it up and I am definitely co-dependent. http://psychcentral.com/lib/symptoms-of-codependency/
This was right when I got back in town from vacation. It was a good vacation really. I went up north with Josh, my dad, Sandy and Owen. We saw the Northern Lights very vividly. We played cards until really late. It was a nice little break but that ate up the rest of our little savings we had left and I've never lived check to check without a safety net so this is a scary prospect for me.
Ok, I am going to bed. An hour earlier than last night at least. Going to a grad party for a cousin that I've never met tomorrow and I want to be on time and have some life in me for it.
Sometimes I worry that a lot people don't think deeply and feel things.
Lately I've been thinking of my mental states as me having different seasons. Its helping me for some reason.
"Seasons change and so can you."
Goodnight goodnight, maybe next time I will attempt to write. A chapter.