Exposed: How to Spot a Playa
Spotting a player isn't always an easy task, especially while you're under his spell.
The easiest way is to break down his behavior into five important aspects of starting a new relationship:
the first meeting, early communication, getting to know him, dating style, and finally his approach to making time for the relationship.
What is a true player?
A player will exhibit at least three out of five of the following signs.
Even one of these signs should be a red flag, but you might want to give him the benefit of the doubt
until further indicators point you towards the door. Ultimately, a player is using these tactics to avoid
what he wants least, a stable relationship.
The First Meeting
Too Confident - A player has gotten where he is by being good at what he does.
This alone drives an incredible amount of confidence in his approach.
Women love confident men, and male players take advantage of this to its fullest.
While some people are just naturally more confident, remember, one of the signs of interest in a potential partner, is excitement and nervousness. This includes mirroring, which is an unconscious act at mimicking the other person to appear approachable and on their same level. The player does not want to be on your level, he wants to be in control. He will get right up close and personal.
He is very calculating, smooth, direct, and will rarely make a nervous mistake.
Early Communication
Probing - When an individual is truly interested in getting to know someone, he will ask genuine questions about her. The player, on the other hand, engages on what is more like probing. He may appear to be trying to get to know the gal, but he is really only trying to gain pertinent information as to what the person is looking for in a mate or knowledge he will apply to play her. The idea is to bypass all the time it would normally take that person to decide if he really was interested in pursuing a relationship (weighing both good and bad sides), so he can jump to the top of the list. These questions will be masked in the form of what he likes in a partner, what he did not like about his last relationship, what kind of clothes he prefers on a man/woman, etc.
He will give you the answers you want to hear in attempt to take control of your heart and mind.
Getting to Know Him
Mystery Men - A little mystery is good, but too much should be a wake-up call. We shouldn't share everything with a potential mate, but if you don't known anything substantive about him, chances are he's hiding something. Examples include never being invited to his home/apartment, never meeting or speaking with his family, always on the move, rarely circulating as a couple, checking his phone often (obviously set on 'quiet' mode), taking private phone calls, and having a slew of "admirers" who won't leave him alone. He may have a player-friend who provides a front for him, but this is the last person that you should be trusting. These are all signs that he may be living a second life (cheating, affair, etc.) apart from your budding romance.
Dating Style
Hot & Cold - The hot-and-cold dating style starts off wonderfully. The person is always up for going out, he can't wait to see you, and he is often nauseatingly romantic early in the game ("I can't believe how wonderful you are," "I think I love you," "You're my soulmate"). But once you give him the sign that he is starting to win you over, he disappears for a few days/weeks without much contact. The whole idea is to keep you there with as little effort as possible. He has a lot of people he's stringing along, so he has to conserve energy. Players love the chase, but get bored of the conquered.
He is all talk and no action ("We should do this.." "I want to take you here.."), but he never follows up.
Making Time
Flighty - The player is hard to hold to any plans. He may say he prefers to be spontaneous, but in reality, he is always weighing his best option before he commits. He may have meetings come up, relatives die, an important work function overseas, or some other emergency that will take him away for several days or weeks at a time. During these times, he will have limited contact, such as a minimal phone signal, odd working hours, only access to e-mail, etc. While emergencies can and do come up, players use these exclusively to concentrate on new relationships, while storing ones away for a rainy day.
People, be empowered to spot the player and prevent him from entering your life.
The easiest way is to break down his behavior into five important aspects of starting a new relationship:
the first meeting, early communication, getting to know him, dating style, and finally his approach to making time for the relationship.
What is a true player?
A player will exhibit at least three out of five of the following signs.
Even one of these signs should be a red flag, but you might want to give him the benefit of the doubt
until further indicators point you towards the door. Ultimately, a player is using these tactics to avoid
what he wants least, a stable relationship.
The First Meeting
Too Confident - A player has gotten where he is by being good at what he does.
This alone drives an incredible amount of confidence in his approach.
Women love confident men, and male players take advantage of this to its fullest.
While some people are just naturally more confident, remember, one of the signs of interest in a potential partner, is excitement and nervousness. This includes mirroring, which is an unconscious act at mimicking the other person to appear approachable and on their same level. The player does not want to be on your level, he wants to be in control. He will get right up close and personal.
He is very calculating, smooth, direct, and will rarely make a nervous mistake.
Early Communication
Probing - When an individual is truly interested in getting to know someone, he will ask genuine questions about her. The player, on the other hand, engages on what is more like probing. He may appear to be trying to get to know the gal, but he is really only trying to gain pertinent information as to what the person is looking for in a mate or knowledge he will apply to play her. The idea is to bypass all the time it would normally take that person to decide if he really was interested in pursuing a relationship (weighing both good and bad sides), so he can jump to the top of the list. These questions will be masked in the form of what he likes in a partner, what he did not like about his last relationship, what kind of clothes he prefers on a man/woman, etc.
He will give you the answers you want to hear in attempt to take control of your heart and mind.
Getting to Know Him
Mystery Men - A little mystery is good, but too much should be a wake-up call. We shouldn't share everything with a potential mate, but if you don't known anything substantive about him, chances are he's hiding something. Examples include never being invited to his home/apartment, never meeting or speaking with his family, always on the move, rarely circulating as a couple, checking his phone often (obviously set on 'quiet' mode), taking private phone calls, and having a slew of "admirers" who won't leave him alone. He may have a player-friend who provides a front for him, but this is the last person that you should be trusting. These are all signs that he may be living a second life (cheating, affair, etc.) apart from your budding romance.
Dating Style
Hot & Cold - The hot-and-cold dating style starts off wonderfully. The person is always up for going out, he can't wait to see you, and he is often nauseatingly romantic early in the game ("I can't believe how wonderful you are," "I think I love you," "You're my soulmate"). But once you give him the sign that he is starting to win you over, he disappears for a few days/weeks without much contact. The whole idea is to keep you there with as little effort as possible. He has a lot of people he's stringing along, so he has to conserve energy. Players love the chase, but get bored of the conquered.
He is all talk and no action ("We should do this.." "I want to take you here.."), but he never follows up.
Making Time
Flighty - The player is hard to hold to any plans. He may say he prefers to be spontaneous, but in reality, he is always weighing his best option before he commits. He may have meetings come up, relatives die, an important work function overseas, or some other emergency that will take him away for several days or weeks at a time. During these times, he will have limited contact, such as a minimal phone signal, odd working hours, only access to e-mail, etc. While emergencies can and do come up, players use these exclusively to concentrate on new relationships, while storing ones away for a rainy day.
People, be empowered to spot the player and prevent him from entering your life.