Emotional Weight Loss

[cholula]

For the past couple of months, I have been making small, systematic changes to my diet and eating habits. Since these are permanent changes rather than a short term weight loss goal, I have been taking things slowly one step at a time. Once I feel comfortable with a phase, I move on to the next small change. Things don't always go perfectly, but I

Comments

[coat_of_primer]

This entry should be read by many people because holy hell you articulate so much that has been in the back of my brain regarding weight, emotions, vulnerability, and self care. I have noticed that as my relationships with others turned more and more toxic, the heavier I got till I was 220 at 5'8". It is creeping down now and I never thought I would ever pray to be 170 again. College weight doesn't count because most of us are thin then. I was 117 at my lowest and I had this notion of "happiness" tied to being so thin. I have to stop with waiting to be happy as dictated by a scale. I am happier single currently than I was with the last five guys combined so-to-speak.
This entry means a lot to me and I would like to repost it in my journal sometime because I know a handful of women here who this would click with. Only with your permission, of course.
I am writing on a tablet so my thoughts are all over the place but it occurred to me that I gained nearly 15 pounds after my abortion at the end of March. That is no accident. I was a tough bitch who refused to acknowledge emotional pain at the time but it absolutely manifested in my eating habits afterwards.

[cholula]

About a year ago, I made a spreadsheet to track my weight patterns and happiness levels throughout my life and discovered a very clear pattern. The more stress, toxic relationships, and unhappiness I experienced, the higher my weight would climb. During periods in which I was happy and emotionally balanced, my weight would drop. It's also interesting to note that my weight fluctuates in an inverse relationship to my financial situation. The less money I have, the more I weigh and vice versa. It takes the exact same kind of discipline to lose weight as it does to save money.

Thank you for the kind words about this entry. I just made it public which is something I don't do with many of my entries anymore. Please feel free to share if if you think it may be helpful to someone.

You've been through a lot and are very brave. I admire you for that. *Hugs*