Emotional Weight Loss
For the past couple of months, I have been making small, systematic changes to my diet and eating habits. Since these are permanent changes rather than a short term weight loss goal, I have been taking things slowly one step at a time. Once I feel comfortable with a phase, I move on to the next small change. Things don't always go perfectly, but I don't expect them to. Perfection is not the goal nor should it be. Rather, I am focusing on doing what is right for my body most of the time. A minor slip up here and there no longer throws me off of my game. This is a process that will continue for the rest of my life.
I have eschewed processed foods for several years now so this has been a non-issue. In early June I spontaneously stopped eating meat without even trying. My body no longer desired flesh products of any kind and it took zero effort to eliminate them from my diet. Alcohol was also easy to forgo although I will still occasionally enjoy a cold beer when in the company of friends. Soda and artificial sweeteners were a bit more problematic. I recently wrote about the withdrawal symptoms I experienced when I quit Diet Coke and Splenda, which was a bit of a trip. I honestly didn't believe I was regularly consuming enough soda and artificial sweetener to feel it when I decided to cut the stuff out. Man, was I ever wrong on that one.
For this next phase, I am focusing on eliminating all obvious forms of sucrose. (Sugar, sweets, baked goods, candy, etc.) I will tackle the hidden forms of sugar at a later date but I am starting with the easier to spot offenders. It hasn't been that difficult although I notice I really do crave something sweet in the afternoon when I hit my post-lunch slump. I've been drinking way too much coffee with stevia to compensate. At some point I will have to address my coffee consumption and clear addiction to caffeine. For now, I'm letting myself enjoy it while I can. I also anticipate some challenges when I start tackling dairy later on this year. One step at a time.
It's interesting to observe my body and understand what my cravings are really telling me. (Hint: It isn't hunger that I'm trying to satisfy as much as unmet emotional needs.) That's a tough one. Still, I'm grateful that I'm finally listening to what my body has really been trying to communicate to me all these years.
I never had a weight issue until my late twenties. Before that, I had always been able to easily maintain a healthy weight and perfectly flat stomach. I gained some weight when I lived in Germany and Ecuador due to dietary changes and lots of carbs. However, in both cases the weight easily fell off when I returned to the US and resumed my normal eating habits and lifestyle.
My weight gain really began around 1998 during a really turbulent time in my life. For about three years, my life was consumed by a very destructive relationship with a shrew of a woman who was in no way good for me. There was too much drama and emotional fallout to recount here but by the end of it all I was a good 30 pounds heavier than I had been before I met her. Add in another 10+ years of high stress jobs, financial hardship, anti-depressants, my husband's health issues, emotional vampires, lack of self care, etc. and I eventually topped out at around 230. I lost 70 pounds over three years starting in 2007 but never was able to find a way to drop below 160. At 5'6", this is still overweight for my height. Before I gained weight, I felt the healthiest and strongest at around 140 pounds and found that any weight below that seemed to invite chronic sinus infections and a constant state of feeling cold.
Since January, I have regained 20 pounds and am now hovering around 180. While I'm not exactly happy about the weight gain, I'm not beating myself up about it either. I finally realize the emotional reasons behind those extra pounds and am ready to confront those issues head on. I now understand that I have been subconsciously holding on to weight as a means to protect myself from external negative energy. I am very sensitive to the emotions of those around me and also have a knack for attracting destructive personalities and emotional vampires. I've been surrounded by dysfunction for years and will easily absorb other people's negative energy like a sponge if I'm not careful. Since I wasn't aware that this was happening, I also didn't know how to ground and protect myself. Therefore, my physical body has been trying to protect me all this time by holding onto fat in order to provide a buffer zone.
I realize that this may sound crazy to anyone who has never experienced this sort of thing and that's okay. Just because you might think I'm wrong does not mean that you are right.
The other day I finally gave myself permission to lose the weight. I thanked my body for trying to protect me all these years. I also promised myself that I will find other ways to protect myself that don't involve food or holding onto fat. My body immediately responded by dropping 5 pounds over a 24 hour period. It will still take some time to get to my final goal but I truly feel I have broken through a major emotional barrier.
I have eschewed processed foods for several years now so this has been a non-issue. In early June I spontaneously stopped eating meat without even trying. My body no longer desired flesh products of any kind and it took zero effort to eliminate them from my diet. Alcohol was also easy to forgo although I will still occasionally enjoy a cold beer when in the company of friends. Soda and artificial sweeteners were a bit more problematic. I recently wrote about the withdrawal symptoms I experienced when I quit Diet Coke and Splenda, which was a bit of a trip. I honestly didn't believe I was regularly consuming enough soda and artificial sweetener to feel it when I decided to cut the stuff out. Man, was I ever wrong on that one.
For this next phase, I am focusing on eliminating all obvious forms of sucrose. (Sugar, sweets, baked goods, candy, etc.) I will tackle the hidden forms of sugar at a later date but I am starting with the easier to spot offenders. It hasn't been that difficult although I notice I really do crave something sweet in the afternoon when I hit my post-lunch slump. I've been drinking way too much coffee with stevia to compensate. At some point I will have to address my coffee consumption and clear addiction to caffeine. For now, I'm letting myself enjoy it while I can. I also anticipate some challenges when I start tackling dairy later on this year. One step at a time.
It's interesting to observe my body and understand what my cravings are really telling me. (Hint: It isn't hunger that I'm trying to satisfy as much as unmet emotional needs.) That's a tough one. Still, I'm grateful that I'm finally listening to what my body has really been trying to communicate to me all these years.
I never had a weight issue until my late twenties. Before that, I had always been able to easily maintain a healthy weight and perfectly flat stomach. I gained some weight when I lived in Germany and Ecuador due to dietary changes and lots of carbs. However, in both cases the weight easily fell off when I returned to the US and resumed my normal eating habits and lifestyle.
My weight gain really began around 1998 during a really turbulent time in my life. For about three years, my life was consumed by a very destructive relationship with a shrew of a woman who was in no way good for me. There was too much drama and emotional fallout to recount here but by the end of it all I was a good 30 pounds heavier than I had been before I met her. Add in another 10+ years of high stress jobs, financial hardship, anti-depressants, my husband's health issues, emotional vampires, lack of self care, etc. and I eventually topped out at around 230. I lost 70 pounds over three years starting in 2007 but never was able to find a way to drop below 160. At 5'6", this is still overweight for my height. Before I gained weight, I felt the healthiest and strongest at around 140 pounds and found that any weight below that seemed to invite chronic sinus infections and a constant state of feeling cold.
Since January, I have regained 20 pounds and am now hovering around 180. While I'm not exactly happy about the weight gain, I'm not beating myself up about it either. I finally realize the emotional reasons behind those extra pounds and am ready to confront those issues head on. I now understand that I have been subconsciously holding on to weight as a means to protect myself from external negative energy. I am very sensitive to the emotions of those around me and also have a knack for attracting destructive personalities and emotional vampires. I've been surrounded by dysfunction for years and will easily absorb other people's negative energy like a sponge if I'm not careful. Since I wasn't aware that this was happening, I also didn't know how to ground and protect myself. Therefore, my physical body has been trying to protect me all this time by holding onto fat in order to provide a buffer zone.
I realize that this may sound crazy to anyone who has never experienced this sort of thing and that's okay. Just because you might think I'm wrong does not mean that you are right.
The other day I finally gave myself permission to lose the weight. I thanked my body for trying to protect me all these years. I also promised myself that I will find other ways to protect myself that don't involve food or holding onto fat. My body immediately responded by dropping 5 pounds over a 24 hour period. It will still take some time to get to my final goal but I truly feel I have broken through a major emotional barrier.