8 - It's Hard Out Here for A Pimp
It's Hard Out Here for a Pimp
Arashi is cooped up in a conference room with a few other people, managers and publicists, discussing damage control. That none of the higher ups are around bodes well and yet, Arashi is silent, except for occasional words from Sho and some sounds of agreement from Jun. Kazunari and Masaki look so serious, as if nothing in this situation is even remotely funny. And the root of it all, Ohno Satoshi, whose throat and back hurt from having to say his apologies over and over again, is quiet. Outwardly, he seems like his normal calm self, but at this moment, he is so embarrassed, so uncertain, at having to put himself, his group and his company in this position.
Voices drone on and on. Eyes shift, looks are full of questions. Satoshi keeps his head down, staring at the floor, hiding from all the prying gazes, all the ogling.
The meeting is finally over and all of them get up to leave. Some talk to the members, informing them that relevant departments will take care of the matter; some just tilt their heads in Arashi’s direction; some clap Satoshi’s back and say that things will be all right, and Satoshi mumbles something that sounds like a cross between I’m sorry for causing so much trouble and thank you for your support. Someone whispers that Johnny will want to have a few words with Satoshi later and Satoshi just nods.
After a few minutes, everyone disperses in the corridors, and the Arashi members head to a lounging area slowly, wordlessly. With this meeting being called so early today, the four have not had a chance to talk to their Leader to clear things up. Satoshi walks behind them, apart, alone. He knows, in his heart of hearts, that his friends will back him up, but he can’t help but feel that he has caused so much trouble.
The members enter the room noiselessly. Once inside, Ohno sighs and swallows convulsively. He closes the door.
Bowing low, so low, he apologizes wholeheartedly, awkwardly, painfully.
Four hands smack the back of his head. Hard.
And the room is suddenly filled with words. Lots of it, all at once.
“Don’t apologize, stupid.”
“Idiot. What are you apologizing for?”
“Stupid, no need to say sorry.”
“We’ll get over this, you nut.”
And then there is hugging and squeezing and words of comfort overlapping with more apologies and more head thwacking.
At last, the five of them settle on the couches.
“Know something,” Masaki says, breaking the silence. “I haven’t seen the article yet.”
“Neither have I,” Sho murmurs.
Jun nods when Kazunari looks at him.
“Eh? So I’m the only one who has seen it?” Nino asks in disbelief.
Amidst Satoshi’s protests, Nino runs to his car to get the offensive tabloid article. In no time, Nino is back, breathless and handing the newspaper to Sho while Jun and Masaki lie on top of Satoshi, restraining their tiny Leader.
Sho unfolds the paper, with Kazunari standing beside him. Satoshi sighs in resignation and pushes Jun and Masaki off him.
The four crowd around the tabloid. And suddenly, they burst into merciless laughter.
“THIS? THIS IS YOUR SCANDAL?” Sho snickers, waving the tabloid plastered with Ohno’s pictures.
“His face. HIS FACE!!!” Masaki exclaims.
“RIDICULOUS, YOU LOOK SO RIDICULOUS,” Jun hoots.
“HE FELL ASLEEP NEAR THE WOMAN’S BUTT!”
“He had his arms around each woman like some sort of pimp!”
“A CROSS-EYED PIMP!”
The younger four are in hysterics, rolling on the floor. Gradually, their guffaws turn into chuckles. Then, they stare at the pictures again and laugh harder.
Satoshi gives in and smiles.
After a few minutes, the laughter dies down and the four sit on the couches again, wiping their tears.
“Wait, wait, what does the article say?” Masaki inquires.
Sho smoothens down the now crumpled paper. As he digests the news, his face gets serious. He hands the paper to Masaki and Jun. The two start reading, their eyes running down the article, line by damning line. Kazunari just looks on.
“Leader is amazing,” Masaki says earnestly, then asks Jun on a certain kanji’s reading.
Sho speaks, “Trust him to get not just in a drug rumor or in a sex gossip, but in a scandal involving both.”
“He’s Arashi’s Leader, of course his scandal would be as grand as that,” Kazunari says, almost proudly.
“This girl a friend of yours? Some friend, huh?” Masaki mutters, not done reading.
“No wonder there were drug allegations. You look like you're in a happy place. A very happy place,” Jun states.
Kazunari turns to Ohno, nodding, “Hm, people probably think you’re almost always high anyway. I think you’re almost always high.”
“Who took the pictures? Did that one join in? If so, wouldn’t that make this a foursome? And isn't Aiba-chan such a clever boy?" Masaki chirps.
Everyone ignores him.
Kazunari smirks, “I've been wanting to ask this, Oh-chan. What business is it of yours to coerce pure young women into these activities? Forcing them to lie still while you pose like an idiot next to their asses?”
“It’s not coercion, it's charm, Nino,” Sho counters.
“Leader, you have an underwear fetish?” Masaki wants to find out, looking up from the article.
“Can women really get it on with someone with that kind of face?” Jun asks. “Wouldn’t they just end up laughing?”
“You guys, stop picking on me. I hope none of you would get into this kind of mess,” Satoshi pouts.
“Oh, but we won’t. We’re too smart to make crosseyed pictures next to women’s buttocks,” Jun pronounces. Then his gaze drifts to Masaki, who’s grinning from ear-to-ear, obviously tickled by the sleazy article and the pictures. “At least some of us are.”
“You know what I find funny? The story of Satoshi-kun engaging in unprotected sex. I mean, he carries condoms with him all the time.”
Three pairs of eyes look at Sho inquiringly.
“Would you care to explain how you know this, Sakurai?” Kazunari asks dangerously.
“But he could’ve been too high and too happy to use one, yeah,” Sho says, dodging Kazunari’s question.
Masaki, done with reading, finally settles his shiny eyes on Satoshi, “Did you have lots of fun? It would've been such a waste to be there then suddenly falling asleep, right? Wait, so how’d you position yourself? Did you like-how’d one-the other girl is- So how did- ?”
“You haven’t been in a threesome?” Kazunari asks incredulously.
“Well, I want tips. For improvement,” Masaki answers with a grin.
“But why now?” Jun asks, suddenly serious. "Why did these girls choose to sell this story now?"
“They probably thought I wasn’t hot enough three years ago for anyone to care,” Satoshi states quietly.
Four left eyebrows shoot up, but the eyebrow owners do not say a word.
“I just hope the fans won’t hate me so much,” Satoshi mumbles.
“Fans will probably take your side too. Some might even say these women forced you!” Masaki says optimistically. “Look at those legs gripping you with all their might! You seem so helpless against those thighs!”
Jun counters. “Well, people can take it the wrong way, too and say he forced them.”
“And yeah, people will believe it; he surely looks threatening here, crosseyed Oh-chan strikes fear in the hearts of many,” Kazunari says sarcastically.
“Some people believe the weirdest of stories. Look at Mr. Urban Legend here.” Sho offers.
“Remember the rumor that Leader slept around in Kyoto when he stayed there as a teenager?” Jun asks.
“They even said I got half of Kyoto knocked up,” Satoshi reminisces.
“Imagine that, single-handedly impregnating all the females in a prefecture,” Sho shakes his head in amusement.
“Leader is amazing,” Masaki states for the second time, clearly impressed.
“Has your mother read this?” Kazunari asks, changing the topic.
“Yeah. Dad bought a copy and they both teased me mercilessly. Even my sister called me up just to laugh at me,” Satoshi says miserably.
In response to stories of Satoshi's suffering, Masaki’s stomach complains loudly. They all laugh, including Satoshi.
“Let’s eat, I’m hungry,” Masaki declares redundantly.
“How about some yakiniku? You can tell us what really happened while we’re eating,” Sho says encouragingly.
“That is, if you want to,” Jun adds.
“Of course, he wants to tell us!” Kazunari exclaims.
They rib Satoshi some more, much to their tiny Leader's misery, while they argue over where to eat and what other dishes to order.
As if suddenly remembering something of utmost importance, Kazunari inquires, “Oh, Oh-chan?”
“Hmmm?” Satoshi answers, his dazed smile making an appearrance on his face at last.
“Do you still know where this supposed friend of yours lives?” Kazunari asks, his smile feral.
“Ah yes, I was going to ask that myself,” Jun grins, his rings glinting under the fluorescent lights.
They move out of the room, the newspaper lying on the floor, abandoned.