Breaking Point
Title: Breaking Point
Author: chocolet89
Pairing: Hyunmin/Jihwan
Rating: PG-13
Length: One-Shot
Genre: Angst, Drama, slight!Romance
Prompt: Before The BOSS Debut Fanfic (Reality + Drama)
Summary: Unbeknownst to the other members, Jihwan has been suffering constant teasing and jibes from other students in his school ever since Xing’s disbandment. When Hyunmin discovers this secret, will he be able to help the maknae overcome the pain and hurt?
A/N: This is a fic I wrote for the Write Off Contest in AMFI :) I apologize in advance if this fic may seem a bit dark in regards to the way I portrayed Jihwan’s emotions.
~
Quiet sobs echoed in the room as the young boy buried deeper into the comfort of his blankets. Trying to surround himself in darkness, Jihwan let out the pent up tears of frustration at the events that had occurred earlier on in the day.
-Flashback-
“FAILURE.”
Jihwan stared at the word written in capitals with a permanent marker on a piece of paper taped to his desk and tried to ignore the stares from the other students closest to him. Ripping the paper off, Jihwan scrunched it up and threw it aside as he took a seat at his desk.
A student walked past and Jihwan hissed in pain as a backpack filled with textbooks hit him squarely in the shoulder. Refraining himself from lashing out, Jihwan bit his lip and shut his eyes as he tried to ignore the feelings building up inside his body.
However, the offender wasn’t going to just let Jihwan off at that. Placing both hands on either side of Jihwan’s desk, the student whispered into Jihwan’s ear, “Did that hurt?”
Jihwan gritted his teeth and stayed silent, hoping that the other boy would just go away.
“Hey,” the student spat out angrily as he gripped Jihwan’s chin harshly in his hand. Jihwan's eyes snapped open in anger and he tried to lash out but his hands were suddenly wrenched behind his back painfully as another student joined in.
“I was talking to you,” the student in front of him continued, tightening his grip on Jihwan's chin.
Jihwan struggled to get free but that only resulted in getting his arms twisted even higher behind his back. Biting his bottom lip hard enough that it probably drew blood, Jihwan refused to give in, only staring at the other boy with hatred in his eyes.
“Why are you trying so hard? The first group you were in already failed. The group disbanded. Why don’t you just quit already?”
Jihwan kept his mouth shut but he struggled harder against his captives. As the boy in front of him opened his mouth to say something again, the door to their classroom slid opened and the teacher walked in.
“What’s going on in here?”
The students in the room froze and the two boys quickly released their hold on Jihwan. The teacher narrowed her eyes at them and one of the boys nudged Jihwan painfully in the side.
“We were just playing around, right Jihwan?”
Jihwan gritted his teeth and nodded his head, at the same time trying to blink away the tears that were threatening to spill.
The teacher pursed her lips but otherwise remained silent as she took a seat at her desk. It was obvious that Jihwan was getting bullied here, but if he didn’t speak up, then there was nothing she could do.
Jihwan just stared ahead resolutely, ignoring everyone around him and trying to hold back the anger and tears that were threatening to spill.
-End Flashback-
Wrapping his arms around himself, Jihwan shut his eyes, wanting to block out everything, all the teasing, all the bullying, all the questions and mockery directed at him.
I’m not a fail! We didn’t fail! Xing as a group did not fail! Why must they keep pestering me about it? Why?
There was no one in his family that he could talk to about his problems. If he told his parents, they would notify the school wherein the teacher would then tell off the other students. In return, the bullying would only get doubled - this was something he had learnt from experience.
Gwangchul and Jisang were no longer with them so he couldn’t go to them for comfort anymore. Suhoon would always be there to listen to the youngest member’s problems, but Jihwan sometimes felt like he was a burden to the older man. Suhoon was now appointed as the leader of their new group and Jihwan knew that if went to Suhoon, he would only add more problems to the already busy man.
Injun was like a brother to him, but not the sort of brother that you could rely on to listen to your problems. Injun was carefree and forever happy. If Jihwan went to him, Injun would probably end up crying himself. His two other choices were Hyunchul and Hyunmin.
He’d debated going to the other two to let out his problems, but Hyunchul always seemed busy; whenever Jihwan wanted to talk to him, Hyunchul would get whisked away by their manager or he would be cooking or on the phone to his family. Hyunmin was similar to Injun. He seemed too carefree with his life and Jihwan just didn’t think he could tell his problems to the older teen.
Unfortunately, school wasn’t the only problem he was having. He’d also heard bad comments about their group debuting, some people saying they were too young to debut and wouldn’t sound good. Some said they were relying on their looks and not vocals.
Jihwan wanted to yell and scream at them for saying that. Suhoon and Hyunchul had such beautiful voices. Hyunmin’s husky voice was something that was different, something that not all singers had. Hyunmin’s vocals were something that attracted a lot of their fans from in Xing. Then there was Injun. Although Injun wasn’t a main vocalist in the group, his voice was still beautiful enough to melt all the hearts of their fans.
But what about yourself? What’s so good about your voice? That’s right, nothing. There’s nothing good about your voice, you’re just a rapper for the group. And you know what they all say about rappers Jihwan, rappers are pretty much the people in groups who can’t sing and only rely on their body or looks.
Jihwan shook his head as he tried to shake off the negative thoughts in his head.
Sleep eventually came to him in the early hours of the morning but Jihwan’s dreams were filled with hurt and insecurity.
---
The following day, all five of them had to have a meeting with their newly appointed manager scheduled just after lunch and Jihwan was given the option to take the day off for school. He was glad for that as he really didn’t think he could face the other students without feeling anger and hatred.
After tossing and turning for the better half of an hour, Jihwan finally forced himself out of bed and into the bathroom. Removing his clothes and just leaving them on the floor, Jihwan stepped into the shower and turned on the cold water at full blast, wanting to cool down his body that was burning with rage.
He didn’t know how long he stood there for but soon hot tears were trailing down his cheeks, mingling with the cold water in deep contrast. Soft sobs echoed in the bathroom as Jihwan shut his eyes, trying his best to block out the pain.
He only wanted to follow his dreams as a singer and dancer. What was wrong with that? Everyone had their own dreams and aspirations. How was his any different? Was it wrong for him to want to try and achieve his dream as early as possible? Was it wrong that he wanted to stand on a stage and produce music that people would appreciate?
Jihwan was so immersed in his thoughts that he didn’t hear the bathroom door open and close. So immersed that he didn’t hear Hyunmin’s greeting of surprise at there being another person in the bathroom when the door was unlocked.
It wasn’t until the shower door slammed open did Jihwan lift his head up to look the older teen in the eye. Hyunmin gasped, eyes widening in surprise as he took in the sight of the maknae naked and sprawled on the shower floor, sorrow and pain swirling through dark hooded eyes.
Quickly shutting off the water, Hyunmin turned around and grabbed a towel from the rack before kneeling down in front of the maknae. Pulling the younger boy up to a sitting position, Hyunmin wrapped the towel around Jihwan’s shaking shoulders, mind panicking when he realized the boy’s skin was freezing cold.
“Jihwan,” Hyunmin whispered trying to coax the younger boy to move.
Jihwan just stared up at the older member, fresh tears forming at the corners of his eyes.
Hyunmin’s heart immediately clenched in pain and he reached out to tug the younger boy into his arms not caring that his clothes were going to get wet.
Arranging their positions so he was sitting cross-legged on the floor and Jihwan was curled up in his lap, Hyunmin wrapped his arms around the shivering boy wondering what had caused the normally cheerful teenager to break down like this.
Jihwan clung to the older member, arms coming up to wrap around his neck as he buried his face into Hyunmin’s shoulder, tears falling free, his sobs echoing once again in the bathroom.
Trying not to jostle the younger boy, Hyunmin reached out and pulled another towel hanging on the rack beside them to cover the maknae’s lower half.
When Jihwan’s cries quietened down to heavy breaths and Hyunmin could no longer feel the tears against his skin, Hyunmin gently pushed Jihwan away from his body. Jihwan whimpered and Hyunmin hushed him, surprising the younger boy as he brushed a kiss on his forehead.
“You’re going to catch a cold if we don’t dry you first,” Hyunmin whispered quickly.
Jihwan stayed quiet, but nodded his head to show he was listening.
Slowly Hyunmin used the towel that was wrapped around Jihwan’s shoulders to dry the younger boy. Most of the water had already soaked into Hyunmin’s thin cotton shirt that he was wearing but he still made sure to rub the towel over every inch of Jihwan’s body.
When he finished, Hyunmin draped the towel over Jihwan’s head and proceeded to dry his hair. Jihwan kept his eyes downcast, not knowing what to say. As Hyunmin dried Jihwan’s hair as best he could with the towel, inside he quietly wondered what he should say or how he should start up a conversation.
He wanted to ask so badly what was wrong, what had caused the maknae to break down like this but he didn’t want to end up saying the wrong thing. As he contemplated his options, Hyunmin decided that first they should move out of the bathroom first since there was a possibility that the other members would wake up soon and need to use the bathroom.
Draping the towel around Jihwan’s shoulders again Hyunmin paused before whispering the maknae’s name to get his attention.
Jihwan slowly looked up in question from where he’d been staring at the tiles on the bathroom floor.
Clearing his throat, Hyunmin said, “The others might be waking up soon and will need to use the bathroom. Did you want to go back to your room first?”
Jihwan only nodded his head in response and wrapped his arms around the older teen’s neck again as he let Hyunmin slip one arm around his back and one under his knees.
Hyunmin was surprised at how light the maknae was and silently wondered if maybe they had been a bit too ignorant of Jihwan’s thoughts and feelings in the past few months during Xing’s disbandment.
As he made the short trip to Jihwan’s bedroom, Hyunmin was glad none of the members had woken up yet; he didn’t think Jihwan was up for everyone to be crowding around him and bombarding him with questions.
Shutting the door behind him, Hyunmin made his way over to Jihwan’s bed and sat the boy down on the still messed up covers. Going over to the closet, Hyunmin rummaged around before locating a fresh change of clothes for the maknae.
Touching the younger boy lightly on the shoulder to get his attention, Hyunmin handed him the clothes, watching as Jihwan took the offered garments. As he made to stand up, Hyunmin reached out and helped steady him knowing that Jihwan was probably still feeling a bit weak after releasing his cries of pain and sadness in the bathroom before.
Once Jihwan had finished putting his clothes on, he collapsed against Hyunmin’s body, the need for comfort suddenly overwhelming. It felt like so long since he’d last been comforted; last felt the soothing warmth of another body. Tears sprung unbidden to his eyes again and he let them out, hoping that Hyunmin wouldn’t push him away.
Strong arms wrapped around his body and Jihwan shut his eyes, basking in the warmth emanating from Hyunmin’s body. When Hyunmin pulled back a few minutes later, Jihwan looked up in confusion but the older teen only smiled as he gestured for them to take a seat on the bed.
Leaning against the wall with his legs crossed, Hyunmin once again pulled Jihwan into his lap; the latter immediately curling up against him, arms coming up to wrap loosely around his neck.
They sat in silence for the next few minutes with Hyunmin carding his fingers through Jihwan’s still slightly damp hair wondering if the maknae would speak up soon. He didn’t want to push Jihwan into telling him; if the maknae wasn’t ready to tell then Hyunmin would wait.
“Thank you,” Jihwan finally whispered into the silence as if sensing Hyunmin’s thoughts.
“You’re welcome,” Hyunmin replied, saying the first thing that came to his mind.
Another few minutes of silence passed before Jihwan spoke up again.
“You know last night I was thinking to myself that you would probably be the last person I’d go to for comfort,” he said quietly.
Hyunmin’s heart clenched at that and he involuntarily tightened his hold on the younger boy.
“It’s not because I don’t like you hyung,” Jihwan quickly said, a tinge of guilt lacing his voice. “It was more because Suhoon-hyung and Hyunchul-hyung are older than you, so they seemed like a better choice I guess. You always have such a carefree mind hyung. I wish I was like you. You never seem to have any worries about anything. I wish I could be like that too …”
Hyunmin frowned, wondering at the underlying thoughts behind those words.
“I may look carefree on the outside, but I do have my own worries that I keep inside too,” he replied when the maknae again stopped talking. “I’m sorry I gave you such an impression though, I don’t want you to think of me as a hyung that can’t be there for his dongsaeng though. I’ll let you know right now that you can come to me anytime you have any problems okay?”
A small smile graced Jihwan’s lips and he nodded his head to show he had heard Hyunmin’s words.
Silence passed between the duo once again as Jihwan seemed to be making a habit of saying a sentence and then falling quiet for awhile after that.
As Hyunmin noticed Jihwan’s breathing started to get heavier, he pushed the maknae away slightly to put a hand against his forehead gasping when he felt the heat against his palm.
Lifting the maknae out of his lap, Hyunmin gently laid him down on the bed before climbing over him to get to the other side of the bed. Jihwan groaned in response and gripped onto Hyunmin’s shirt tightly, not wanting to let go of the warmth.
Hyunmin sat on the side as he pulled the covers over the maknae’s body.
“I’ll be right back Jihwan, I’m just going to grab some medicine for you okay? You’re burning up with a fever already from the cold shower you took before,” he explained brushing Jihwan’s bangs away from his face.
“Ohh …” Jihwan mumbled in response, fingers loosening their grip on Hyunmin’s shirt.
“I’ll be right back,” Hyunmin whispered as he stood up and made his way out of the room.
Jihwan shut his eyes as he rolled over to lie on his side. His body suddenly felt cold again and he tugged the blankets tighter around his body.
It felt like forever before Hyunmin returned, the door closing quietly behind him as he made his way back over to the maknae’s bed. Jihwan noticed that he had changed into a fresh set of clothes, most probably because Jihwan had made his clothes wet in the bathroom.
Placing a glass of water on the bedside table, Hyunmin helped Jihwan sit up before handing him the medicine. After Jihwan slipped the medicine into his mouth, Hyunmin pressed the glass of water against his lips watching as Jihwan swallowed the medicine with the water before placing the glass back on the table.
When he made to stand up after helping Jihwan to lie back down on the bed, the maknae suddenly reached out and gripped his wrist.
“Hyung, can you … stay with me … please?” Jihwan asked.
Hyunmin opened his mouth to decline, originally wanting to say that Jihwan should get some rest but when his mind reencountered the events that had happened within the past hour, Hyunmin realized he didn’t want to leave the maknae alone by himself.
Giving the younger boy a smile, Hyunmin nudged his shoulder lightly. “If you want me to stay, you’ll have to make room for me.”
A small smile graced Jihwan’s lips and he shuffled around making space for the older member. Hyunmin slipped in making himself comfortable before pulling the blankets over both their bodies. Once he’d settled in, Jihwan immediately moved forward curling his body against the older boy, relishing once more in the warmth emitting from him.
“Hyung,” Jihwan whispered quietly.
“Hmm?” Hyunmin queried as he once again ran his fingers through Jihwan’s hair.
“Can you keep a secret?” Jihwan asked.
“Of course,” Hyunmin replied firmly.
Jihwan bit his lip not knowing where to start but wanting to let it all out to the older teen.
“Just start where you feel comfortable with okay?” Hyunmin whispered as if knowing what Jihwan was thinking.
Jihwan nodded his head and shut his eyes, arranging his thoughts in his mind.
“Did you know hyung,” Jihwan started after a few moments of silence. “That ever since they announced Xing’s disbandment … people having been teasing me about it at school?”
Hyunmin gasped in surprise but before he could say anything Jihwan continued.
“The other boys in my class have been bullying me, telling me how Xing was a failure and how I’m just wasting my time debuting in a new group. They keep telling me that I should just quit already. At first I tried telling my parents about it but in the end, when the teacher told them off, they just started harassing me even more. Just yesterday … they were … they were telling me th-” at this Jihwan cut off with a sob as the painful memories resurfaced again.
“Shhh it’s okay,” Hyunmin whispered making soothing motions on Jihwan’s back. He felt Jihwan’s body shudder and tightened his hold on the maknae, letting the younger boy cry once more into his shoulder.
When Jihwan had calmed down enough to continue, he told Hyunmin everything, all the insecurities in his mind of them debuting as a new group, drilled into his mind by all the ridicule that had been directed at him. He told Hyunmin how he was constantly feeling hurt and angry at everyone that mocked their band, people telling him they would just be another failure.
He asked Hyunmin if it was wrong to follow his dreams and aspirations. He asked if he was any different to the other people out there who wanted to try and achieve their dreams as early as possible. He asked if it was wrong to do what he wanted just because it felt right.
Hyunmin listened to Jihwan’s words with a heavy heart. He couldn’t believe that during these past few months, the youngest member of their group had been suffering so much. How could they all have not noticed all the pain Jihwan had been going through?
“I’m sorry,” Hyunmin whispered when Jihwan finished letting out all his pent up emotions.
“For what?” Jihwan mumbled as he attempted to dry his tears on Hyunmin’s shirt.
“For not noticing how much you’ve been suffering these past few months,” Hyunmin replied honestly.
“But it’s not your fault.”
“It’s something that I should have noticed.”
Jihwan shuffled around, feeling guilty for making Hyunmin think it was his fault. This was probably one of the main reasons he didn’t want to tell the other members. He would only cause them to worry and he’d only just become a burden for them.
“Jihwan,” Hyunmin whispered softly.
Jihwan paused and he struggled to keep the fresh batch of tears from spilling. Hadn’t he cried enough already today?
“Jihwan,” Hyunmin repeated again as he tilted Jihwan’s chin up with a hand. Jihwan kept his eyes lowered, refusing to meet Hyunmin’s gaze. He opened his mouth to apologize, the words at the tip of his tongue when Hyunmin pressed a gentle kiss to his forehead.
The maknae gasped, shutting his eyes.
“Don’t,” Hyunmin whispered. “You did nothing wrong so don’t apologize.”
“But hyung I-” Jihwan was cut off again as Hyunmin pressed a finger to his lips.
“No, listen to me Jihwan,” Hyunmin said in a calm yet firm voice.
Jihwan bit his lip but kept quiet, letting the older boy talk.
“You did nothing wrong so don’t apologize. The only thing you should have done was tell us earlier. Don’t keep everything to yourself. You’re not obligated to be the only one to suffer in our group. We’re a team right? We do everything together, it’s not fair for you to be the only one suffering.”
“D-Does that mean you’ll tell the others?” Jihwan asked insecurely. Hyunmin had promised him he wouldn’t tell anyone though, surely he wasn’t about to break his promise?
Hyunmin let out a small chuckle. “Of course I won’t, I promised you I’d keep your secret right? But I do hope that you will tell the others sometime soon.”
Jihwan pursed his lips but nodded his head. He would think about it.
“Also, you shouldn’t let those negative comments get to you. I know it’s hard, but just think of it as another obstacle that you have to pass in order to continue. If they say you’re only relying on your looks to get into the industry, then you have to show them that they’re wrong. Work harder for our debut and prove them all wrong. Don’t listen to all that nonsense about rappers having the worst vocals in the groups. That’s not true. You have a beautiful voice too. That’s one of the things you were tested on when you tried out for Xing right?”
Jihwan nodded his head again, listening intently to the older boy’s words.
“Besides we all knew that Xing would be a temporary group. We were in Xing for more than one generation anyway so the disbanding was bound to happen. And we didn’t really split up anyway, five of us are still together right? And who knows, maybe in the future, Jisang-hyung and Gwangchul will join us again. I know it’s hard, but try not to take all those negative comments to heart okay?”
Jihwan stayed silent, processing Hyunmin’s words in his mind. Hyunmin gave him time to think about it once again pulling the smaller boy to his chest.
“Thank you,” Jihwan mumbled into Hyunmin’s neck after a while.
“You’re welcome. And that tickles you know,” Hyunmin whispered into Jihwan’s hair.
“What does?”
“That, when you talk, it tickles my neck.”
Jihwan let out a chuckle, his breath ghosting over Hyunmin’s skin.
“Heyy stop that,” Hyunmin said trying to sound serious but only breaking off into laughter as Jihwan burrowed his face deeper into the crook of his neck.
“How would you like it if I breathed onto your neck?” and with that Hyunmin pushed Jihwan away only to nuzzle his neck causing the latter to break out into a fit of giggles.
“Hyung stop it, that tickles,” Jihwan said in betweens fits of laughter. Hyunmin grinned and continued tickling him, happy that the maknae was smiling and laughing again.
After what felt like forever to Jihwan, Hyunmin finally pulled away smiling at Jihwan’s slightly flushed face.
Almost automatically, Jihwan pressed himself back into the warmth of the older member fingers curling around the fabric of Hyunmin’s top.
“You’re really warm hyung,” Jihwan whispered, body relaxing as he felt the strong arms encircle his back.
“And you’re burning,” Hyunmin replied jokingly referring to the fact that Jihwan had caught a fever from before.
Jihwan frowned as he remembered the look on Hyunmin’s face when he’d opened the shower door. He’d unconsciously made Hyunmin worry because he was too caught up in his own emotions.
“What are you thinking about?” Hyunmin whispered when he didn’t receive any witty response from the maknae.
“You,” Jihwan mumbled in response. “I’m sorry for making you worry. You must’ve been so worried in the bathroom before.”
Hyunmin sighed; how could he get Jihwan to understand that he didn’t need to apologize for anything? That nothing was his fault?
“Jihwan,” he whispered. The maknae bit his lip but released it with a gasp when Hyunmin tilted his chin up, the pad of his thumb brushing against his lower lip.
“You need to stop apologizing,” Hyunmin said gently. “Look at me Jihwan, please.”
The fingers under his chin moved and slowly, Jihwan met the older boy’s gaze, cheeks tinting at their close proximity. He wasn’t sure what he saw in the other’s eyes, but he thought he saw flickers of hurt in those dark brown orbs.
“I don’t want to see suffering alone again. Of course I was worried when I opened the shower door to see you on the floor crying. I was scared because I’d never seen you in such an upset state before. And what scares me more now is what would have happened if I hadn’t barged in on you like that an hour ago.
Would you continue to keep the pain that was clearly evident in your eyes inside you and never tell your problems to anyone? Would you forever feel like it was your duty to keep all the pain hidden inside? I would never have known you were suffering so much.
I want you to always share a part of what you’re feeling with me, let me take some of it so you’re not suffering alone. So please don’t hide anything from me and don’t apologize because it’s not your fault. I’m begging you Jihwan, please.”
Tears formed from the corner of his eyes as Jihwan nodded his head. He tried to say something but when he opened his mouth nothing came out.
“Promise me you won’t hide anything from me?” Hyunmin whispered, voice half pleading.
“I-I promise,” Jihwan finally managed to get out, eyes shutting as he felt Hyunmin wipe his tears away with his thumb.
“Promise me that if anyone teases you in or outside of school, you’ll tell me?”
“Promise.”
“Promise me you’ll try your best and prove everyone’s accusations wrong?”
“Promise.”
“Promise me you-” Hyunmin was cut off when Jihwan place a hand over his mouth.
“Hyung I promise I’ll tell you everything so stop asking me to promise you things that I already promised you the first time you asked,” Jihwan said, voice slightly irritated. However from the small pout forming on his lips, Hyunmin knew the maknae wasn’t really annoyed at him.
“But what if-”
“But what if I decide that you’re talking too much and just shut you up?”
Hyunmin gasped and Jihwan wondered if he’d gone too far with his choice of words.
But then Hyunmin grinned and closed the distance between them causing Jihwan’s eyes to widen.
“And how will the maknae shut me up? With a kiss? But you’ve never kissed anyone before,” Hyunmin teased lightly.
“I-” Jihwan started opening his mouth to protest. So now it was Hyunmin’s turn to ridicule him?
But for some reason, when Hyunmin teased him about what he couldn’t do, the thought made him smile rather than feel annoyed.
“Who says I can’t,” Jihwan said with a grin and before he even knew what he was doing, he’d pressed his lips against the older boy’s, a small moan escaping past his lips at the foreign feeling of another person’s lips against his own.
Hyunmin was surprised and his first instinct was to push the younger boy away. However, when he felt those soft lips tremble against his own, Hyunmin pressed forward, arms coming around to encircle the maknae’s waist again.
Parting his lips, Hyunmin ran his tongue gently along Jihwan’s bottom lip causing the latter to whimper in response. Not exactly sure if what they were doing was right but not caring in the least, Hyunmin pressed light kisses at the corner of the younger boy’s lips, coaxing him to relax.
Jihwan’s hands, which were originally bunched up against Hyunmin’s chest, slowly uncurled and he wrapped them around the older boy’s neck bringing their bodies closer together.
Having no idea what to do, Jihwan decided to just copy what Hyunmin was doing. When Hyunmin moved to pull away, Jihwan followed and mimicked what Hyunmin had done lightly running his tongue across Hyunmin’s lower lip.
Hyunmin gasped in surprise, lips parting unconsciously and then suddenly Jihwan’s tongue was past his lips and both members moaned as their tongues collided unintentionally. When Jihwan pulled back in surprise, Hyunmin followed, not wanting the kiss to end.
Pressing kisses against his lips again, Hyunmin rubbed light circles around Jihwan’s lower back, coaxing him to open up again. Nudging Jihwan’s lips open with his tongue, Hyunmin gently pressed forward, groaning when their tongues touched again. Taking his time, Hyunmin slowly ravished Jihwan’s mouth, mind going into overdrive as he wondered what he was doing.
When they eventually parted, the thought of what they’d just done finally dawned on both the boys and Jihwan ducked his head in embarrassment while Hyunmin just stared at the maknae trying to process his thoughts.
“W-Well,” Hyunmin started not really knowing what to say.
Silence filled the room and Hyunmin wasn’t sure if he should leave the maknae alone or not.
“Th-that was my first kiss,” Jihwan mumbled quietly just when Hyunmin was about to voice out his thoughts.
Hyunmin cleared his throat and they shuffled around on the bed awkwardly.
“Hey,” Jihwan whispered quietly and Hyunmin tensed, wondering what the maknae would say next.
Jihwan smiled shyly as he looked up at the older member.
“I managed to shut you up,” he said with a grin.
This time it was the Hyunmin’s turn to blush but what reason he wasn’t exactly sure.
“You’re blushing,” Jihwan pointed out and Hyunmin silently thought it was worth it to see Jihwan smiling again.
“Shush you,” he replied with a laugh.
“Or what hyung? You’ll kiss me?” Jihwan dared and Hyunmin was tempted to do so, eyes travelling to Jihwan’s pink lips.
Jihwan fidgeted nervously as Hyunmin leant closer to him until their faces were only inches apart.
“I’m sorry for stealing your first kiss,” Hyunmin mumbled softly.
“I-It’s okay hyung … it felt … nice … and honestly, I’d rather it be you who stole my first kiss than some random noona like what happened to Hyunchul-hyung.”
They both chuckled at that, faces inching closer towards each other without them realizing it.
It was only when their noses brushed did they both freeze.
Jihwan cleared his throat, breaking the silence first.
“You know …” he said pausing as he tried to gather up his courage. “I … I wouldn’t mind if you … umm you know … kissed me again.”
The last was said very faintly but Hyunmin heard it nevertheless. He was tempted to make a remark on it to embarrass the younger boy back but instead of doing so, Hyunmin closed whatever distance was left between them and pressed their lips together.
His mind screamed at him asking him what he was doing but Hyunmin had no answer for his actions. He didn’t know why either. It just felt so right for some reason. He just hoped that Jihwan knew what he was doing and that he wasn’t just saying and doing things unconsciously due to his fever.
But from the way Jihwan was responding to his ministrations, he didn’t think Jihwan was in a half sleep state at all.
When they finally broke apart again, Jihwan wouldn’t meet his gaze and instead buried his face against Hyunmin’s neck. Hyunmin didn’t really know what to say after the kiss either and decided to just stay silent, bringing one hand up to card through Jihwan’s hair.
They settled into a comfortable silence and just when Hyunmin thought Jihwan had fallen asleep, the younger boy spoke up.
“Thanks for being here for me hyung,” he mumbled softly pulling back just a bit so that his voice wouldn’t get muffled by Hyunmin’s top.
“You’re welcome dongsaeng,” Hyunmin replied feeling like they were repeating their conversation from when Hyunmin had sat down with Jihwan on the bed just less than an hour ago.
“I really mean it hyung,” Jihwan repeated lifting his head up to meet the older member’s gaze. “Thanks for everything. Thanks for staying here with me, for listening to me talk, for comforting me and making me feel better.”
Hyunmin smiled. “So you’re feeling better now?”
“Emotionally yes, but physically no. I’m starting to feel a bit sleepy which I think is most likely from the medicine,” Jihwan replied and he wasn’t lying. He really was starting to feel a bit drowsy and heavy-lidded.
“That’s good then,” Hyunmin said. “So do you want me to stay here or leave you in peace to get some rest?”
Jihwan bit his lip and immediately tightened his arms around Hyunmin’s neck.
“Please stay with me hyung, I don’t want to be alone,” he whispered.
Hyunmin smiled gently at the maknae and quickly reassured him.
“Okay I won’t leave, I’ll stay here with you and we’ll both get some rest together,” he said before pressing a quick kiss to maknae’s lips, mind not really registering the action until he saw Jihwan looking at him with a shy smile.
“Ahh sorry Jihwan I just … umm … I didn’t mean to-”
Jihwan cut him off with a kiss.
-End-
A/N: Once again, I apologize if the way I portrayed Jihwan's feeling were a bit ... dark. Drama really isn't my thing so I always feel insecure when I try to write it >_< Thanks yuutong for helping me out with the plot :D I srsly can't live without you XD
Anyway hope everyone enjoyed reading this fic!
P.S. I ended up winning the contest :D
Author: chocolet89
Pairing: Hyunmin/Jihwan
Rating: PG-13
Length: One-Shot
Genre: Angst, Drama, slight!Romance
Prompt: Before The BOSS Debut Fanfic (Reality + Drama)
Summary: Unbeknownst to the other members, Jihwan has been suffering constant teasing and jibes from other students in his school ever since Xing’s disbandment. When Hyunmin discovers this secret, will he be able to help the maknae overcome the pain and hurt?
A/N: This is a fic I wrote for the Write Off Contest in AMFI :) I apologize in advance if this fic may seem a bit dark in regards to the way I portrayed Jihwan’s emotions.
~
Quiet sobs echoed in the room as the young boy buried deeper into the comfort of his blankets. Trying to surround himself in darkness, Jihwan let out the pent up tears of frustration at the events that had occurred earlier on in the day.
-Flashback-
“FAILURE.”
Jihwan stared at the word written in capitals with a permanent marker on a piece of paper taped to his desk and tried to ignore the stares from the other students closest to him. Ripping the paper off, Jihwan scrunched it up and threw it aside as he took a seat at his desk.
A student walked past and Jihwan hissed in pain as a backpack filled with textbooks hit him squarely in the shoulder. Refraining himself from lashing out, Jihwan bit his lip and shut his eyes as he tried to ignore the feelings building up inside his body.
However, the offender wasn’t going to just let Jihwan off at that. Placing both hands on either side of Jihwan’s desk, the student whispered into Jihwan’s ear, “Did that hurt?”
Jihwan gritted his teeth and stayed silent, hoping that the other boy would just go away.
“Hey,” the student spat out angrily as he gripped Jihwan’s chin harshly in his hand. Jihwan's eyes snapped open in anger and he tried to lash out but his hands were suddenly wrenched behind his back painfully as another student joined in.
“I was talking to you,” the student in front of him continued, tightening his grip on Jihwan's chin.
Jihwan struggled to get free but that only resulted in getting his arms twisted even higher behind his back. Biting his bottom lip hard enough that it probably drew blood, Jihwan refused to give in, only staring at the other boy with hatred in his eyes.
“Why are you trying so hard? The first group you were in already failed. The group disbanded. Why don’t you just quit already?”
Jihwan kept his mouth shut but he struggled harder against his captives. As the boy in front of him opened his mouth to say something again, the door to their classroom slid opened and the teacher walked in.
“What’s going on in here?”
The students in the room froze and the two boys quickly released their hold on Jihwan. The teacher narrowed her eyes at them and one of the boys nudged Jihwan painfully in the side.
“We were just playing around, right Jihwan?”
Jihwan gritted his teeth and nodded his head, at the same time trying to blink away the tears that were threatening to spill.
The teacher pursed her lips but otherwise remained silent as she took a seat at her desk. It was obvious that Jihwan was getting bullied here, but if he didn’t speak up, then there was nothing she could do.
Jihwan just stared ahead resolutely, ignoring everyone around him and trying to hold back the anger and tears that were threatening to spill.
-End Flashback-
Wrapping his arms around himself, Jihwan shut his eyes, wanting to block out everything, all the teasing, all the bullying, all the questions and mockery directed at him.
I’m not a fail! We didn’t fail! Xing as a group did not fail! Why must they keep pestering me about it? Why?
There was no one in his family that he could talk to about his problems. If he told his parents, they would notify the school wherein the teacher would then tell off the other students. In return, the bullying would only get doubled - this was something he had learnt from experience.
Gwangchul and Jisang were no longer with them so he couldn’t go to them for comfort anymore. Suhoon would always be there to listen to the youngest member’s problems, but Jihwan sometimes felt like he was a burden to the older man. Suhoon was now appointed as the leader of their new group and Jihwan knew that if went to Suhoon, he would only add more problems to the already busy man.
Injun was like a brother to him, but not the sort of brother that you could rely on to listen to your problems. Injun was carefree and forever happy. If Jihwan went to him, Injun would probably end up crying himself. His two other choices were Hyunchul and Hyunmin.
He’d debated going to the other two to let out his problems, but Hyunchul always seemed busy; whenever Jihwan wanted to talk to him, Hyunchul would get whisked away by their manager or he would be cooking or on the phone to his family. Hyunmin was similar to Injun. He seemed too carefree with his life and Jihwan just didn’t think he could tell his problems to the older teen.
Unfortunately, school wasn’t the only problem he was having. He’d also heard bad comments about their group debuting, some people saying they were too young to debut and wouldn’t sound good. Some said they were relying on their looks and not vocals.
Jihwan wanted to yell and scream at them for saying that. Suhoon and Hyunchul had such beautiful voices. Hyunmin’s husky voice was something that was different, something that not all singers had. Hyunmin’s vocals were something that attracted a lot of their fans from in Xing. Then there was Injun. Although Injun wasn’t a main vocalist in the group, his voice was still beautiful enough to melt all the hearts of their fans.
But what about yourself? What’s so good about your voice? That’s right, nothing. There’s nothing good about your voice, you’re just a rapper for the group. And you know what they all say about rappers Jihwan, rappers are pretty much the people in groups who can’t sing and only rely on their body or looks.
Jihwan shook his head as he tried to shake off the negative thoughts in his head.
Sleep eventually came to him in the early hours of the morning but Jihwan’s dreams were filled with hurt and insecurity.
---
The following day, all five of them had to have a meeting with their newly appointed manager scheduled just after lunch and Jihwan was given the option to take the day off for school. He was glad for that as he really didn’t think he could face the other students without feeling anger and hatred.
After tossing and turning for the better half of an hour, Jihwan finally forced himself out of bed and into the bathroom. Removing his clothes and just leaving them on the floor, Jihwan stepped into the shower and turned on the cold water at full blast, wanting to cool down his body that was burning with rage.
He didn’t know how long he stood there for but soon hot tears were trailing down his cheeks, mingling with the cold water in deep contrast. Soft sobs echoed in the bathroom as Jihwan shut his eyes, trying his best to block out the pain.
He only wanted to follow his dreams as a singer and dancer. What was wrong with that? Everyone had their own dreams and aspirations. How was his any different? Was it wrong for him to want to try and achieve his dream as early as possible? Was it wrong that he wanted to stand on a stage and produce music that people would appreciate?
Jihwan was so immersed in his thoughts that he didn’t hear the bathroom door open and close. So immersed that he didn’t hear Hyunmin’s greeting of surprise at there being another person in the bathroom when the door was unlocked.
It wasn’t until the shower door slammed open did Jihwan lift his head up to look the older teen in the eye. Hyunmin gasped, eyes widening in surprise as he took in the sight of the maknae naked and sprawled on the shower floor, sorrow and pain swirling through dark hooded eyes.
Quickly shutting off the water, Hyunmin turned around and grabbed a towel from the rack before kneeling down in front of the maknae. Pulling the younger boy up to a sitting position, Hyunmin wrapped the towel around Jihwan’s shaking shoulders, mind panicking when he realized the boy’s skin was freezing cold.
“Jihwan,” Hyunmin whispered trying to coax the younger boy to move.
Jihwan just stared up at the older member, fresh tears forming at the corners of his eyes.
Hyunmin’s heart immediately clenched in pain and he reached out to tug the younger boy into his arms not caring that his clothes were going to get wet.
Arranging their positions so he was sitting cross-legged on the floor and Jihwan was curled up in his lap, Hyunmin wrapped his arms around the shivering boy wondering what had caused the normally cheerful teenager to break down like this.
Jihwan clung to the older member, arms coming up to wrap around his neck as he buried his face into Hyunmin’s shoulder, tears falling free, his sobs echoing once again in the bathroom.
Trying not to jostle the younger boy, Hyunmin reached out and pulled another towel hanging on the rack beside them to cover the maknae’s lower half.
When Jihwan’s cries quietened down to heavy breaths and Hyunmin could no longer feel the tears against his skin, Hyunmin gently pushed Jihwan away from his body. Jihwan whimpered and Hyunmin hushed him, surprising the younger boy as he brushed a kiss on his forehead.
“You’re going to catch a cold if we don’t dry you first,” Hyunmin whispered quickly.
Jihwan stayed quiet, but nodded his head to show he was listening.
Slowly Hyunmin used the towel that was wrapped around Jihwan’s shoulders to dry the younger boy. Most of the water had already soaked into Hyunmin’s thin cotton shirt that he was wearing but he still made sure to rub the towel over every inch of Jihwan’s body.
When he finished, Hyunmin draped the towel over Jihwan’s head and proceeded to dry his hair. Jihwan kept his eyes downcast, not knowing what to say. As Hyunmin dried Jihwan’s hair as best he could with the towel, inside he quietly wondered what he should say or how he should start up a conversation.
He wanted to ask so badly what was wrong, what had caused the maknae to break down like this but he didn’t want to end up saying the wrong thing. As he contemplated his options, Hyunmin decided that first they should move out of the bathroom first since there was a possibility that the other members would wake up soon and need to use the bathroom.
Draping the towel around Jihwan’s shoulders again Hyunmin paused before whispering the maknae’s name to get his attention.
Jihwan slowly looked up in question from where he’d been staring at the tiles on the bathroom floor.
Clearing his throat, Hyunmin said, “The others might be waking up soon and will need to use the bathroom. Did you want to go back to your room first?”
Jihwan only nodded his head in response and wrapped his arms around the older teen’s neck again as he let Hyunmin slip one arm around his back and one under his knees.
Hyunmin was surprised at how light the maknae was and silently wondered if maybe they had been a bit too ignorant of Jihwan’s thoughts and feelings in the past few months during Xing’s disbandment.
As he made the short trip to Jihwan’s bedroom, Hyunmin was glad none of the members had woken up yet; he didn’t think Jihwan was up for everyone to be crowding around him and bombarding him with questions.
Shutting the door behind him, Hyunmin made his way over to Jihwan’s bed and sat the boy down on the still messed up covers. Going over to the closet, Hyunmin rummaged around before locating a fresh change of clothes for the maknae.
Touching the younger boy lightly on the shoulder to get his attention, Hyunmin handed him the clothes, watching as Jihwan took the offered garments. As he made to stand up, Hyunmin reached out and helped steady him knowing that Jihwan was probably still feeling a bit weak after releasing his cries of pain and sadness in the bathroom before.
Once Jihwan had finished putting his clothes on, he collapsed against Hyunmin’s body, the need for comfort suddenly overwhelming. It felt like so long since he’d last been comforted; last felt the soothing warmth of another body. Tears sprung unbidden to his eyes again and he let them out, hoping that Hyunmin wouldn’t push him away.
Strong arms wrapped around his body and Jihwan shut his eyes, basking in the warmth emanating from Hyunmin’s body. When Hyunmin pulled back a few minutes later, Jihwan looked up in confusion but the older teen only smiled as he gestured for them to take a seat on the bed.
Leaning against the wall with his legs crossed, Hyunmin once again pulled Jihwan into his lap; the latter immediately curling up against him, arms coming up to wrap loosely around his neck.
They sat in silence for the next few minutes with Hyunmin carding his fingers through Jihwan’s still slightly damp hair wondering if the maknae would speak up soon. He didn’t want to push Jihwan into telling him; if the maknae wasn’t ready to tell then Hyunmin would wait.
“Thank you,” Jihwan finally whispered into the silence as if sensing Hyunmin’s thoughts.
“You’re welcome,” Hyunmin replied, saying the first thing that came to his mind.
Another few minutes of silence passed before Jihwan spoke up again.
“You know last night I was thinking to myself that you would probably be the last person I’d go to for comfort,” he said quietly.
Hyunmin’s heart clenched at that and he involuntarily tightened his hold on the younger boy.
“It’s not because I don’t like you hyung,” Jihwan quickly said, a tinge of guilt lacing his voice. “It was more because Suhoon-hyung and Hyunchul-hyung are older than you, so they seemed like a better choice I guess. You always have such a carefree mind hyung. I wish I was like you. You never seem to have any worries about anything. I wish I could be like that too …”
Hyunmin frowned, wondering at the underlying thoughts behind those words.
“I may look carefree on the outside, but I do have my own worries that I keep inside too,” he replied when the maknae again stopped talking. “I’m sorry I gave you such an impression though, I don’t want you to think of me as a hyung that can’t be there for his dongsaeng though. I’ll let you know right now that you can come to me anytime you have any problems okay?”
A small smile graced Jihwan’s lips and he nodded his head to show he had heard Hyunmin’s words.
Silence passed between the duo once again as Jihwan seemed to be making a habit of saying a sentence and then falling quiet for awhile after that.
As Hyunmin noticed Jihwan’s breathing started to get heavier, he pushed the maknae away slightly to put a hand against his forehead gasping when he felt the heat against his palm.
Lifting the maknae out of his lap, Hyunmin gently laid him down on the bed before climbing over him to get to the other side of the bed. Jihwan groaned in response and gripped onto Hyunmin’s shirt tightly, not wanting to let go of the warmth.
Hyunmin sat on the side as he pulled the covers over the maknae’s body.
“I’ll be right back Jihwan, I’m just going to grab some medicine for you okay? You’re burning up with a fever already from the cold shower you took before,” he explained brushing Jihwan’s bangs away from his face.
“Ohh …” Jihwan mumbled in response, fingers loosening their grip on Hyunmin’s shirt.
“I’ll be right back,” Hyunmin whispered as he stood up and made his way out of the room.
Jihwan shut his eyes as he rolled over to lie on his side. His body suddenly felt cold again and he tugged the blankets tighter around his body.
It felt like forever before Hyunmin returned, the door closing quietly behind him as he made his way back over to the maknae’s bed. Jihwan noticed that he had changed into a fresh set of clothes, most probably because Jihwan had made his clothes wet in the bathroom.
Placing a glass of water on the bedside table, Hyunmin helped Jihwan sit up before handing him the medicine. After Jihwan slipped the medicine into his mouth, Hyunmin pressed the glass of water against his lips watching as Jihwan swallowed the medicine with the water before placing the glass back on the table.
When he made to stand up after helping Jihwan to lie back down on the bed, the maknae suddenly reached out and gripped his wrist.
“Hyung, can you … stay with me … please?” Jihwan asked.
Hyunmin opened his mouth to decline, originally wanting to say that Jihwan should get some rest but when his mind reencountered the events that had happened within the past hour, Hyunmin realized he didn’t want to leave the maknae alone by himself.
Giving the younger boy a smile, Hyunmin nudged his shoulder lightly. “If you want me to stay, you’ll have to make room for me.”
A small smile graced Jihwan’s lips and he shuffled around making space for the older member. Hyunmin slipped in making himself comfortable before pulling the blankets over both their bodies. Once he’d settled in, Jihwan immediately moved forward curling his body against the older boy, relishing once more in the warmth emitting from him.
“Hyung,” Jihwan whispered quietly.
“Hmm?” Hyunmin queried as he once again ran his fingers through Jihwan’s hair.
“Can you keep a secret?” Jihwan asked.
“Of course,” Hyunmin replied firmly.
Jihwan bit his lip not knowing where to start but wanting to let it all out to the older teen.
“Just start where you feel comfortable with okay?” Hyunmin whispered as if knowing what Jihwan was thinking.
Jihwan nodded his head and shut his eyes, arranging his thoughts in his mind.
“Did you know hyung,” Jihwan started after a few moments of silence. “That ever since they announced Xing’s disbandment … people having been teasing me about it at school?”
Hyunmin gasped in surprise but before he could say anything Jihwan continued.
“The other boys in my class have been bullying me, telling me how Xing was a failure and how I’m just wasting my time debuting in a new group. They keep telling me that I should just quit already. At first I tried telling my parents about it but in the end, when the teacher told them off, they just started harassing me even more. Just yesterday … they were … they were telling me th-” at this Jihwan cut off with a sob as the painful memories resurfaced again.
“Shhh it’s okay,” Hyunmin whispered making soothing motions on Jihwan’s back. He felt Jihwan’s body shudder and tightened his hold on the maknae, letting the younger boy cry once more into his shoulder.
When Jihwan had calmed down enough to continue, he told Hyunmin everything, all the insecurities in his mind of them debuting as a new group, drilled into his mind by all the ridicule that had been directed at him. He told Hyunmin how he was constantly feeling hurt and angry at everyone that mocked their band, people telling him they would just be another failure.
He asked Hyunmin if it was wrong to follow his dreams and aspirations. He asked if he was any different to the other people out there who wanted to try and achieve their dreams as early as possible. He asked if it was wrong to do what he wanted just because it felt right.
Hyunmin listened to Jihwan’s words with a heavy heart. He couldn’t believe that during these past few months, the youngest member of their group had been suffering so much. How could they all have not noticed all the pain Jihwan had been going through?
“I’m sorry,” Hyunmin whispered when Jihwan finished letting out all his pent up emotions.
“For what?” Jihwan mumbled as he attempted to dry his tears on Hyunmin’s shirt.
“For not noticing how much you’ve been suffering these past few months,” Hyunmin replied honestly.
“But it’s not your fault.”
“It’s something that I should have noticed.”
Jihwan shuffled around, feeling guilty for making Hyunmin think it was his fault. This was probably one of the main reasons he didn’t want to tell the other members. He would only cause them to worry and he’d only just become a burden for them.
“Jihwan,” Hyunmin whispered softly.
Jihwan paused and he struggled to keep the fresh batch of tears from spilling. Hadn’t he cried enough already today?
“Jihwan,” Hyunmin repeated again as he tilted Jihwan’s chin up with a hand. Jihwan kept his eyes lowered, refusing to meet Hyunmin’s gaze. He opened his mouth to apologize, the words at the tip of his tongue when Hyunmin pressed a gentle kiss to his forehead.
The maknae gasped, shutting his eyes.
“Don’t,” Hyunmin whispered. “You did nothing wrong so don’t apologize.”
“But hyung I-” Jihwan was cut off again as Hyunmin pressed a finger to his lips.
“No, listen to me Jihwan,” Hyunmin said in a calm yet firm voice.
Jihwan bit his lip but kept quiet, letting the older boy talk.
“You did nothing wrong so don’t apologize. The only thing you should have done was tell us earlier. Don’t keep everything to yourself. You’re not obligated to be the only one to suffer in our group. We’re a team right? We do everything together, it’s not fair for you to be the only one suffering.”
“D-Does that mean you’ll tell the others?” Jihwan asked insecurely. Hyunmin had promised him he wouldn’t tell anyone though, surely he wasn’t about to break his promise?
Hyunmin let out a small chuckle. “Of course I won’t, I promised you I’d keep your secret right? But I do hope that you will tell the others sometime soon.”
Jihwan pursed his lips but nodded his head. He would think about it.
“Also, you shouldn’t let those negative comments get to you. I know it’s hard, but just think of it as another obstacle that you have to pass in order to continue. If they say you’re only relying on your looks to get into the industry, then you have to show them that they’re wrong. Work harder for our debut and prove them all wrong. Don’t listen to all that nonsense about rappers having the worst vocals in the groups. That’s not true. You have a beautiful voice too. That’s one of the things you were tested on when you tried out for Xing right?”
Jihwan nodded his head again, listening intently to the older boy’s words.
“Besides we all knew that Xing would be a temporary group. We were in Xing for more than one generation anyway so the disbanding was bound to happen. And we didn’t really split up anyway, five of us are still together right? And who knows, maybe in the future, Jisang-hyung and Gwangchul will join us again. I know it’s hard, but try not to take all those negative comments to heart okay?”
Jihwan stayed silent, processing Hyunmin’s words in his mind. Hyunmin gave him time to think about it once again pulling the smaller boy to his chest.
“Thank you,” Jihwan mumbled into Hyunmin’s neck after a while.
“You’re welcome. And that tickles you know,” Hyunmin whispered into Jihwan’s hair.
“What does?”
“That, when you talk, it tickles my neck.”
Jihwan let out a chuckle, his breath ghosting over Hyunmin’s skin.
“Heyy stop that,” Hyunmin said trying to sound serious but only breaking off into laughter as Jihwan burrowed his face deeper into the crook of his neck.
“How would you like it if I breathed onto your neck?” and with that Hyunmin pushed Jihwan away only to nuzzle his neck causing the latter to break out into a fit of giggles.
“Hyung stop it, that tickles,” Jihwan said in betweens fits of laughter. Hyunmin grinned and continued tickling him, happy that the maknae was smiling and laughing again.
After what felt like forever to Jihwan, Hyunmin finally pulled away smiling at Jihwan’s slightly flushed face.
Almost automatically, Jihwan pressed himself back into the warmth of the older member fingers curling around the fabric of Hyunmin’s top.
“You’re really warm hyung,” Jihwan whispered, body relaxing as he felt the strong arms encircle his back.
“And you’re burning,” Hyunmin replied jokingly referring to the fact that Jihwan had caught a fever from before.
Jihwan frowned as he remembered the look on Hyunmin’s face when he’d opened the shower door. He’d unconsciously made Hyunmin worry because he was too caught up in his own emotions.
“What are you thinking about?” Hyunmin whispered when he didn’t receive any witty response from the maknae.
“You,” Jihwan mumbled in response. “I’m sorry for making you worry. You must’ve been so worried in the bathroom before.”
Hyunmin sighed; how could he get Jihwan to understand that he didn’t need to apologize for anything? That nothing was his fault?
“Jihwan,” he whispered. The maknae bit his lip but released it with a gasp when Hyunmin tilted his chin up, the pad of his thumb brushing against his lower lip.
“You need to stop apologizing,” Hyunmin said gently. “Look at me Jihwan, please.”
The fingers under his chin moved and slowly, Jihwan met the older boy’s gaze, cheeks tinting at their close proximity. He wasn’t sure what he saw in the other’s eyes, but he thought he saw flickers of hurt in those dark brown orbs.
“I don’t want to see suffering alone again. Of course I was worried when I opened the shower door to see you on the floor crying. I was scared because I’d never seen you in such an upset state before. And what scares me more now is what would have happened if I hadn’t barged in on you like that an hour ago.
Would you continue to keep the pain that was clearly evident in your eyes inside you and never tell your problems to anyone? Would you forever feel like it was your duty to keep all the pain hidden inside? I would never have known you were suffering so much.
I want you to always share a part of what you’re feeling with me, let me take some of it so you’re not suffering alone. So please don’t hide anything from me and don’t apologize because it’s not your fault. I’m begging you Jihwan, please.”
Tears formed from the corner of his eyes as Jihwan nodded his head. He tried to say something but when he opened his mouth nothing came out.
“Promise me you won’t hide anything from me?” Hyunmin whispered, voice half pleading.
“I-I promise,” Jihwan finally managed to get out, eyes shutting as he felt Hyunmin wipe his tears away with his thumb.
“Promise me that if anyone teases you in or outside of school, you’ll tell me?”
“Promise.”
“Promise me you’ll try your best and prove everyone’s accusations wrong?”
“Promise.”
“Promise me you-” Hyunmin was cut off when Jihwan place a hand over his mouth.
“Hyung I promise I’ll tell you everything so stop asking me to promise you things that I already promised you the first time you asked,” Jihwan said, voice slightly irritated. However from the small pout forming on his lips, Hyunmin knew the maknae wasn’t really annoyed at him.
“But what if-”
“But what if I decide that you’re talking too much and just shut you up?”
Hyunmin gasped and Jihwan wondered if he’d gone too far with his choice of words.
But then Hyunmin grinned and closed the distance between them causing Jihwan’s eyes to widen.
“And how will the maknae shut me up? With a kiss? But you’ve never kissed anyone before,” Hyunmin teased lightly.
“I-” Jihwan started opening his mouth to protest. So now it was Hyunmin’s turn to ridicule him?
But for some reason, when Hyunmin teased him about what he couldn’t do, the thought made him smile rather than feel annoyed.
“Who says I can’t,” Jihwan said with a grin and before he even knew what he was doing, he’d pressed his lips against the older boy’s, a small moan escaping past his lips at the foreign feeling of another person’s lips against his own.
Hyunmin was surprised and his first instinct was to push the younger boy away. However, when he felt those soft lips tremble against his own, Hyunmin pressed forward, arms coming around to encircle the maknae’s waist again.
Parting his lips, Hyunmin ran his tongue gently along Jihwan’s bottom lip causing the latter to whimper in response. Not exactly sure if what they were doing was right but not caring in the least, Hyunmin pressed light kisses at the corner of the younger boy’s lips, coaxing him to relax.
Jihwan’s hands, which were originally bunched up against Hyunmin’s chest, slowly uncurled and he wrapped them around the older boy’s neck bringing their bodies closer together.
Having no idea what to do, Jihwan decided to just copy what Hyunmin was doing. When Hyunmin moved to pull away, Jihwan followed and mimicked what Hyunmin had done lightly running his tongue across Hyunmin’s lower lip.
Hyunmin gasped in surprise, lips parting unconsciously and then suddenly Jihwan’s tongue was past his lips and both members moaned as their tongues collided unintentionally. When Jihwan pulled back in surprise, Hyunmin followed, not wanting the kiss to end.
Pressing kisses against his lips again, Hyunmin rubbed light circles around Jihwan’s lower back, coaxing him to open up again. Nudging Jihwan’s lips open with his tongue, Hyunmin gently pressed forward, groaning when their tongues touched again. Taking his time, Hyunmin slowly ravished Jihwan’s mouth, mind going into overdrive as he wondered what he was doing.
When they eventually parted, the thought of what they’d just done finally dawned on both the boys and Jihwan ducked his head in embarrassment while Hyunmin just stared at the maknae trying to process his thoughts.
“W-Well,” Hyunmin started not really knowing what to say.
Silence filled the room and Hyunmin wasn’t sure if he should leave the maknae alone or not.
“Th-that was my first kiss,” Jihwan mumbled quietly just when Hyunmin was about to voice out his thoughts.
Hyunmin cleared his throat and they shuffled around on the bed awkwardly.
“Hey,” Jihwan whispered quietly and Hyunmin tensed, wondering what the maknae would say next.
Jihwan smiled shyly as he looked up at the older member.
“I managed to shut you up,” he said with a grin.
This time it was the Hyunmin’s turn to blush but what reason he wasn’t exactly sure.
“You’re blushing,” Jihwan pointed out and Hyunmin silently thought it was worth it to see Jihwan smiling again.
“Shush you,” he replied with a laugh.
“Or what hyung? You’ll kiss me?” Jihwan dared and Hyunmin was tempted to do so, eyes travelling to Jihwan’s pink lips.
Jihwan fidgeted nervously as Hyunmin leant closer to him until their faces were only inches apart.
“I’m sorry for stealing your first kiss,” Hyunmin mumbled softly.
“I-It’s okay hyung … it felt … nice … and honestly, I’d rather it be you who stole my first kiss than some random noona like what happened to Hyunchul-hyung.”
They both chuckled at that, faces inching closer towards each other without them realizing it.
It was only when their noses brushed did they both freeze.
Jihwan cleared his throat, breaking the silence first.
“You know …” he said pausing as he tried to gather up his courage. “I … I wouldn’t mind if you … umm you know … kissed me again.”
The last was said very faintly but Hyunmin heard it nevertheless. He was tempted to make a remark on it to embarrass the younger boy back but instead of doing so, Hyunmin closed whatever distance was left between them and pressed their lips together.
His mind screamed at him asking him what he was doing but Hyunmin had no answer for his actions. He didn’t know why either. It just felt so right for some reason. He just hoped that Jihwan knew what he was doing and that he wasn’t just saying and doing things unconsciously due to his fever.
But from the way Jihwan was responding to his ministrations, he didn’t think Jihwan was in a half sleep state at all.
When they finally broke apart again, Jihwan wouldn’t meet his gaze and instead buried his face against Hyunmin’s neck. Hyunmin didn’t really know what to say after the kiss either and decided to just stay silent, bringing one hand up to card through Jihwan’s hair.
They settled into a comfortable silence and just when Hyunmin thought Jihwan had fallen asleep, the younger boy spoke up.
“Thanks for being here for me hyung,” he mumbled softly pulling back just a bit so that his voice wouldn’t get muffled by Hyunmin’s top.
“You’re welcome dongsaeng,” Hyunmin replied feeling like they were repeating their conversation from when Hyunmin had sat down with Jihwan on the bed just less than an hour ago.
“I really mean it hyung,” Jihwan repeated lifting his head up to meet the older member’s gaze. “Thanks for everything. Thanks for staying here with me, for listening to me talk, for comforting me and making me feel better.”
Hyunmin smiled. “So you’re feeling better now?”
“Emotionally yes, but physically no. I’m starting to feel a bit sleepy which I think is most likely from the medicine,” Jihwan replied and he wasn’t lying. He really was starting to feel a bit drowsy and heavy-lidded.
“That’s good then,” Hyunmin said. “So do you want me to stay here or leave you in peace to get some rest?”
Jihwan bit his lip and immediately tightened his arms around Hyunmin’s neck.
“Please stay with me hyung, I don’t want to be alone,” he whispered.
Hyunmin smiled gently at the maknae and quickly reassured him.
“Okay I won’t leave, I’ll stay here with you and we’ll both get some rest together,” he said before pressing a quick kiss to maknae’s lips, mind not really registering the action until he saw Jihwan looking at him with a shy smile.
“Ahh sorry Jihwan I just … umm … I didn’t mean to-”
Jihwan cut him off with a kiss.
-End-
A/N: Once again, I apologize if the way I portrayed Jihwan's feeling were a bit ... dark. Drama really isn't my thing so I always feel insecure when I try to write it >_< Thanks yuutong for helping me out with the plot :D I srsly can't live without you XD
Anyway hope everyone enjoyed reading this fic!
P.S. I ended up winning the contest :D