Lies
Title: Lies
Author: chocolet89
Pairing: OT5 (Changmin!centric)
Rating: PG
Length: One-Shot
Genre: Angst
Summary: Changmin thinks back to the broken promises his Jaejoong, his Yoochun and his Junsu had made to him.
A/N: Can be read as a standalone or as a prequel to I Love You
~
“No matter how hard things get, we’ll never give up okay?” Jaejoong whispered as they lay exhausted on the studio floor on their sides staring at the blue sky and white clouds on the wall.
Changmin took a deep breath as he sat up to stare at the oldest member of the group. Jaejoong returned his look with a silly grin on his face as he held his hand out to the maknae.
“Never,” Changmin replied firmly taking a hold of that hand in his in a solid grip.
“We’ll stay together forever won’t we? All five of us?” Changmin whispered one night as the pair of roommates settled into their respective beds.
Junsu blinked his eyes in response as his tired mind tried to make sense of the younger man’s words.
A small smile eventually crept onto his lips as he threw off the bed covers, slid off his bed and climbed into the maknae’s.
The youngest member’s body tensed at the first dip in his bed but then as an arm encircled around his waist and the familiar warm body of his band mate’s pressed against him from behind, Changmin relaxed leaning back with a smile.
“Of course we will, together and forever,” Junsu replied gently kissing the back of Changmin’s head.
“I thought I was supposed to be the cry baby, since when did you take on the role hmm?” Yoochun whispered as he gathered the maknae in his arms.
The maknae, who never cried at their concerts, never cried in front of their fans, never cried at award shows, was now crying on stage for Dong Bang Shin Ki winning the Album of the Year award at the Mnet KM Music Festival in 2008.
Changmin could only continue to hold up a hand to cover the hot tears streaming uncontrollably down his face. He opened his mouth to reply only to have a strangled cry escape past his lips.
Yoochun smiled as he kept his own tears in that were threatening to spill. Just this time he would hold them back and stay strong for Changmin.
When Changmin attempted to reply a second time, the loud cheers echoing from their fans at Yunho’s speech forced Yoochun to press closer against the maknae in order for him to hear clearly.
“We’ll be … together … forever … right?” Changmin managed to get out between choked sobs.
Yoochun smiled.
“Always.”
Changmin closed his eyes as the painful memories flooded his mind; memories that should have been happy and full of smiles. Memories that now held no meaning, full of lies and broken promises instead.
Nothing he said could bring his Junsu back, no amount of tears shed could bring his Yoochun back, and no amount of pleading on his knees could ever bring his Jaejoong back.
He’d cried, yelled, pleaded, begged for them to stay but they had all turned their backs on him.
Strong arms encircled his body pulling him into a tighter embrace.
Chapped lips pressed against his eyelids and kissed away his tears.
“Shh don’t cry, everything’s going to be okay,” the leader whispered.
Changmin’s grip on the older man’s shirt tightened as he shook his head in response.
“Lies, all lies. Together, forever, always, never giving up, it was all lies,” he whispered weakly against the leader’s neck.
Yunho made more hushing noises as he rubbed soothing circles on Changmin’s back as a means to comfort the younger man.
Anger flared in Changmin’s mind momentarily, but it was quickly replaced with the hurt and pain laced with feelings of betrayal clenching at his heart.
“We’ll come back together again one day,” Yunho whispered reassuringly.
Changmin pulled back to stare hopefully into the leader’s eyes.
“No matter what it takes or how long it takes we will wait for that day to come.”
Changmin blinked away his tears, letting Yunho brush the last of them away with the pads of his thumbs.
“Stay strong Minnie-ah and together we’ll keep Dong Bang Shin Ki alive during this trial okay?”
Changmin’s eyes hardened with resolve as he nodded his head in response.
As the days went by Yunho watched with sad eyes as the boy who used to cry in his arms over nightmares or fatigue hardened and grew into an adult faster than normal, shouldering so much more burden than other people at his age should be carrying.
Changmin stopped crying in front of him, stopped seeking him out for comfort. The young boy who used to laugh and tease at his other band members disappeared, hiding behind some invisible barrier and in its stead was a grown up man who masked his features carefully, showing only what the media required him to be.
Without him realizing, Yunho found them in reversed positions where Changmin was the stronger one and he was the weaker one. Where Yunho was the one who would go to Changmin behind closed doors at nights seeking the comfort and reassurances that everything was going to be fine.
Tears stung at the backs of his eyes but Changmin held them in. He promised himself that he would shed no more tears after that day he went to Yunho’s arms a week after his Jaejoong, his Yoochun and his Junsu had left him.
There was a muffled sob as the warm body pressed closer against him from behind.
“Minnie,” the older man whispered arms tightening around Changmin’s waist.
Changmin’s body tensed.
He hated this.
He hated seeing Yunho so weak. He hated seeing the tough man who had guided them through their journeys acting so fragile. Where was the calm leader who had led them all with no fear in his eyes?
He hated it so much that his heart ached and yet at the same time he wanted it. He wanted Yunho to open up and pour out all his insecurities to him.
Changmin bit his lip as he turned around and wrapped his arms around the fragile leader pulling him close.
Yunho curled up into the embrace like a child holding on like his life depended on it.
And this was the reason Changmin thought to himself. This was the reason he refused to cry anymore.
Throughout the years since their debut, Yunho had been there for him and for the other members of TVXQ. Yunho had held them all together, leading them as one through their harsh trials one after another.
He had suffered enough.
Now it was Changmin’s turn to be there for him. He wanted Yunho to know that even though their Jaejoong, their Yoochun and their Junsu were temporarily gone, he would be there for the older man in their hard times.
He would stay strong during this period. He would lock away all his emotions showing no more tears or weaknesses. He would help to take some of that burden away that Yunho had always insisted on carrying by himself just because he was the leader.
He would be the one to whisper words of comfort to the older man reassuring him that everything would be fine. They were lies of course but it was what Yunho needed to hear, what Changmin himself wanted to hear.
That they could survive for just a little while without their Jaejoong, without their Yoochun, without their Junsu.
That even though they weren’t complete without the other three members, they would be able to continue on until that time and day came.
That day, when they will come back together again as five.
Changmin smiled before pressing a light kiss to the leader's forehead.
"It's okay hyung, everything will be fine."
But until that day came, Changmin would keep lying telling the leader and himself that everything would be fine.
-End-
A/N: This oneshot was totally unexpected tbh. I hadn't planned on writing another angst fic, especially a day after the boy's anniversary ...
But as I scrolled through posts on tumblr where there were photos of the boys before and after the lawsuit, I just can't help but notice how much everyone especially Changmin has changed and it just hurts so much.
I apologize if this fic seems a bit choppy or rushed but its 3am atm and my mind hasn't been too cooperative with writing lately :P If you have read up until this point, thank you so much for reading and feel free to point out any mistakes =] ♥
Author: chocolet89
Pairing: OT5 (Changmin!centric)
Rating: PG
Length: One-Shot
Genre: Angst
Summary: Changmin thinks back to the broken promises his Jaejoong, his Yoochun and his Junsu had made to him.
A/N: Can be read as a standalone or as a prequel to I Love You
~
“No matter how hard things get, we’ll never give up okay?” Jaejoong whispered as they lay exhausted on the studio floor on their sides staring at the blue sky and white clouds on the wall.
Changmin took a deep breath as he sat up to stare at the oldest member of the group. Jaejoong returned his look with a silly grin on his face as he held his hand out to the maknae.
“Never,” Changmin replied firmly taking a hold of that hand in his in a solid grip.
“We’ll stay together forever won’t we? All five of us?” Changmin whispered one night as the pair of roommates settled into their respective beds.
Junsu blinked his eyes in response as his tired mind tried to make sense of the younger man’s words.
A small smile eventually crept onto his lips as he threw off the bed covers, slid off his bed and climbed into the maknae’s.
The youngest member’s body tensed at the first dip in his bed but then as an arm encircled around his waist and the familiar warm body of his band mate’s pressed against him from behind, Changmin relaxed leaning back with a smile.
“Of course we will, together and forever,” Junsu replied gently kissing the back of Changmin’s head.
“I thought I was supposed to be the cry baby, since when did you take on the role hmm?” Yoochun whispered as he gathered the maknae in his arms.
The maknae, who never cried at their concerts, never cried in front of their fans, never cried at award shows, was now crying on stage for Dong Bang Shin Ki winning the Album of the Year award at the Mnet KM Music Festival in 2008.
Changmin could only continue to hold up a hand to cover the hot tears streaming uncontrollably down his face. He opened his mouth to reply only to have a strangled cry escape past his lips.
Yoochun smiled as he kept his own tears in that were threatening to spill. Just this time he would hold them back and stay strong for Changmin.
When Changmin attempted to reply a second time, the loud cheers echoing from their fans at Yunho’s speech forced Yoochun to press closer against the maknae in order for him to hear clearly.
“We’ll be … together … forever … right?” Changmin managed to get out between choked sobs.
Yoochun smiled.
“Always.”
Changmin closed his eyes as the painful memories flooded his mind; memories that should have been happy and full of smiles. Memories that now held no meaning, full of lies and broken promises instead.
Nothing he said could bring his Junsu back, no amount of tears shed could bring his Yoochun back, and no amount of pleading on his knees could ever bring his Jaejoong back.
He’d cried, yelled, pleaded, begged for them to stay but they had all turned their backs on him.
Strong arms encircled his body pulling him into a tighter embrace.
Chapped lips pressed against his eyelids and kissed away his tears.
“Shh don’t cry, everything’s going to be okay,” the leader whispered.
Changmin’s grip on the older man’s shirt tightened as he shook his head in response.
“Lies, all lies. Together, forever, always, never giving up, it was all lies,” he whispered weakly against the leader’s neck.
Yunho made more hushing noises as he rubbed soothing circles on Changmin’s back as a means to comfort the younger man.
Anger flared in Changmin’s mind momentarily, but it was quickly replaced with the hurt and pain laced with feelings of betrayal clenching at his heart.
“We’ll come back together again one day,” Yunho whispered reassuringly.
Changmin pulled back to stare hopefully into the leader’s eyes.
“No matter what it takes or how long it takes we will wait for that day to come.”
Changmin blinked away his tears, letting Yunho brush the last of them away with the pads of his thumbs.
“Stay strong Minnie-ah and together we’ll keep Dong Bang Shin Ki alive during this trial okay?”
Changmin’s eyes hardened with resolve as he nodded his head in response.
As the days went by Yunho watched with sad eyes as the boy who used to cry in his arms over nightmares or fatigue hardened and grew into an adult faster than normal, shouldering so much more burden than other people at his age should be carrying.
Changmin stopped crying in front of him, stopped seeking him out for comfort. The young boy who used to laugh and tease at his other band members disappeared, hiding behind some invisible barrier and in its stead was a grown up man who masked his features carefully, showing only what the media required him to be.
Without him realizing, Yunho found them in reversed positions where Changmin was the stronger one and he was the weaker one. Where Yunho was the one who would go to Changmin behind closed doors at nights seeking the comfort and reassurances that everything was going to be fine.
Tears stung at the backs of his eyes but Changmin held them in. He promised himself that he would shed no more tears after that day he went to Yunho’s arms a week after his Jaejoong, his Yoochun and his Junsu had left him.
There was a muffled sob as the warm body pressed closer against him from behind.
“Minnie,” the older man whispered arms tightening around Changmin’s waist.
Changmin’s body tensed.
He hated this.
He hated seeing Yunho so weak. He hated seeing the tough man who had guided them through their journeys acting so fragile. Where was the calm leader who had led them all with no fear in his eyes?
He hated it so much that his heart ached and yet at the same time he wanted it. He wanted Yunho to open up and pour out all his insecurities to him.
Changmin bit his lip as he turned around and wrapped his arms around the fragile leader pulling him close.
Yunho curled up into the embrace like a child holding on like his life depended on it.
And this was the reason Changmin thought to himself. This was the reason he refused to cry anymore.
Throughout the years since their debut, Yunho had been there for him and for the other members of TVXQ. Yunho had held them all together, leading them as one through their harsh trials one after another.
He had suffered enough.
Now it was Changmin’s turn to be there for him. He wanted Yunho to know that even though their Jaejoong, their Yoochun and their Junsu were temporarily gone, he would be there for the older man in their hard times.
He would stay strong during this period. He would lock away all his emotions showing no more tears or weaknesses. He would help to take some of that burden away that Yunho had always insisted on carrying by himself just because he was the leader.
He would be the one to whisper words of comfort to the older man reassuring him that everything would be fine. They were lies of course but it was what Yunho needed to hear, what Changmin himself wanted to hear.
That they could survive for just a little while without their Jaejoong, without their Yoochun, without their Junsu.
That even though they weren’t complete without the other three members, they would be able to continue on until that time and day came.
That day, when they will come back together again as five.
Changmin smiled before pressing a light kiss to the leader's forehead.
"It's okay hyung, everything will be fine."
But until that day came, Changmin would keep lying telling the leader and himself that everything would be fine.
-End-
A/N: This oneshot was totally unexpected tbh. I hadn't planned on writing another angst fic, especially a day after the boy's anniversary ...
But as I scrolled through posts on tumblr where there were photos of the boys before and after the lawsuit, I just can't help but notice how much everyone especially Changmin has changed and it just hurts so much.
I apologize if this fic seems a bit choppy or rushed but its 3am atm and my mind hasn't been too cooperative with writing lately :P If you have read up until this point, thank you so much for reading and feel free to point out any mistakes =] ♥