VENTING TO SAVE A LIFE
Sorry that my first post in awhile will have to be a vent, but I'm going to lose my mind or kill myself, if I don't write about it. Fair enough? Yeah, so it was going to be a really depressing day, 'cause I had to take a shower before my exercise, and I had to make a meal for Gallagher the night before, and mom had a day off and was going to have to go to an early doctor's appointment, so I was scared that I would get woken up and, therefore, not get enough sleep for this full day. Another reason why it was going to be so full, aside from the shower was, a visit with Gallagher, instead of tomorrow, when he usually comes over, which explains why I had to make his meal the night before. And, then, after he left, I had to do yoga and I'm going through garbage here in a bit, too. But I had a cool shower, so it didn't tire me out as much, and I made Gallagher laugh a lot during the visit, so it went well, so I was in a pretty good mood. Half the things on my to-do list were complete, and I still had energy and felt okay. Oh, and she didn't end up waking me up, when she got up early, either, so that was good, too! Then, before my exercise, she threw another one of her tantrums, and I tried to ignore it, 'cause she told me to, 'cause she was functioning on five hours of sleep, so she said that's why she was acting the way she was. But it made me kind of anxious through my exercise. And I also tried not to make a big deal out of the visit being on the same day as my exercise, even though my arms took a beating from lifting him, so it was really difficult to do some of the poses in the video. I ignored it until...I couldn't do my usual eight push-ups at the end, 'cause my arms said, "Enough!" :( Then, I thought, okay, I'll still try to ignore it, and maybe exercise again on Sunday to make up for it, but then I asked my mom when she was working, and she said Thursday and Friday, so there goes that plan out the fucking window! I think, I'm beginning to become obsessed with exercise and weight-loss again, 'cause Gallagher's gone, so I'm trying to control what I can't when it comes to him. I got down to 140 and stayed there for like seven months, and now I've gained weight again :( Maybe it's the heat, or maybe it's the fact that my fat, Ukrainian mother HAS TO buy groceries she DOESN'T NEED!! Anyway, so after exercise, just a little while ago, she starts threatening to sell the house again, and saying it's 'cause she can't live with a bipolar daughter. I'm bipolar, 'cause I want to exercise, sing and practice drums on a regular basis, but take the weekends off?? That sounds more like OCD to me, especially since I want the windows closed during these activities. The only one that sounds bipolar is her, accusing everyone else of having problems during a fight that she started. Yeah, it's still going on, after all these years *sigh* And, if she didn't get Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Saturday and Sunday off from her job, she wouldn't be bothered by me, now, would she? She acts like it's perfectly normal, though, 'cause that's apparently how Wal-Mart works their schedule, even though I've heard of people working Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and getting Sunday and Monday off. Also, I read up on bipolar, and one of the things that stops psychotic episodes from transpiring is, getting proper rest. So, last night, she didn't, and then she acts up, but it's me that's bipolar? And she calls me names like "stupid" and "retarded", and then when I want to say something like, "I know it's not only me, 'cause there are some parents that have children that live at home 'til they're forty, and the reason they do is, 'cause their parents are more easy-going and calm", she leaves the room and won't even let me talk AKA gives me the silent treatment! The silent treatment is a form of abuse, so... She wants to move to Saskatchewan and live in an apartment, too, even though she didn't collect enough unemployment this time around when she went in for an operation(she's having another in October), and my dad says he's not going to give her as much money anymore, if she kicks me out, so GOOD LUCK Mom!!
P.s. She randomly decided that she's going to plug the answering machine in in the living room again, even though Gallagher is still very much interested in buttons. And, while she's plugging in said answering machine, she unplugs my computer in the process and it took awhile to get it working again. I was scared it wouldn't, actually. Keep in mind, I spent a whole week fixing it not even a month ago, so she was totally going to pay for the damage, if there was any! Then, when I was unplugging my own computer after such an incident, she thought I was unplugging her answering machine, so anxiously, she questions, "What are you doing?! What are you doing?!" and tries to forcefully guide my hand away from the site, so then I slapped her, 'cause she was really getting on my nerves point. And, in return for slapping her, she says she's going to tell the courts I'm not fit to raise Gallagher, so I told her I wasn't going to even allow her in the court room. Craaazy lady!
P.s. She randomly decided that she's going to plug the answering machine in in the living room again, even though Gallagher is still very much interested in buttons. And, while she's plugging in said answering machine, she unplugs my computer in the process and it took awhile to get it working again. I was scared it wouldn't, actually. Keep in mind, I spent a whole week fixing it not even a month ago, so she was totally going to pay for the damage, if there was any! Then, when I was unplugging my own computer after such an incident, she thought I was unplugging her answering machine, so anxiously, she questions, "What are you doing?! What are you doing?!" and tries to forcefully guide my hand away from the site, so then I slapped her, 'cause she was really getting on my nerves point. And, in return for slapping her, she says she's going to tell the courts I'm not fit to raise Gallagher, so I told her I wasn't going to even allow her in the court room. Craaazy lady!