Five reasons why Chuck is the new Vanessa
There’s a bass-less-hole in my heart about the size of New York and I feel that a certain Chuck Bass is to blame. In the light of his recent character developments the ‘Chuck and Blair’ fan in me is about to drop the ‘Chuck’ part - but the Blair Waldorf in me is screaming not to give up on him without a fight. So as a soon-to-be-ex-bass-fan I’m writing this letter/rant in the hope that things can be salvaged if only Chuck would listen and open his eyes to the truth.
Dear Chuck,
Five reasons why you may be the new Vanessa:
1. You no longer have a consistent story line in the show.
It’s true. You might deny it; claim that you are still the puppeteer to the puppets; rage that it was all in the name of character building; but deep down you and I both know that the only reason Elle the Nanny came around was to keep you occupied for two episodes while the writers thought of better ways to keep you and Blair apart. And then you spend a whole episode running after Blair, only to turn around in the next and bed someone else - and enjoy doing it.
I don’t understand. It’s like you’ve become another Vanessa who only gets dumped in other people’s storylines so that they can just appear on the show, do something useless, and then just hang around in the background making noises until another character makes a move. I liked you better in Season 1 when you just didn’t appear at all if the storyline wasn’t worth it. Have some self respect.
2. You have fugly hair.
Vanessa has fugly hair - always have, always will. Her curls are too tight, too messy, or just plain ugly because they look like dreadlocks. That girl needs to wash her hair and straighten it damn it, but what can I expect - she’s from Brooklyn.
But you on the other hand, you Chuck Bass, you had soft waves that fell across your forehead or short tufts that made me want to run my hand through it. Not anymore. Now it’s slicked back with two tubs of hair gel that makes your forehead stick out like Frankenstein’s. It makes you look old and very not play boy like. It makes me want to rush at you with a pair of scissors - and I’m not quite sure if it’s because I want to cut your hair off or if it’s because I just want to stab you with it.
3. Your schemes suck.
What happened to the Chuck Bass that had the entire Sculls & Bones at his mercy because of the well thought out, even better played out, manipulative scheme maker that you are. Or rather, were. Your schemes worked. They gave you the result that you wanted because you were smart and cunning enough to know what the next move of your opponent was even before they knew theirs.
But your very recent brainless scheme makes me question all of this. It reminds me of the time Vanessa took Lord Marcus’s and Catherine’s matters into her own hands and it blew up all over the face of pretty boy Nate, whom she also lost the affections of because of that. And now you of all schemers couldn’t come up with a better plan to get Blair back than to make a sex tape with Vanessa. I mean seriously?! Did you even try to think it over? Didn’t your shrewd mind, that works so much like Blair’s, even think that this might backfire and send her running back into the arms of the same person she considers it’s “easy to be with” because there’s no heartache? I am so disappointed.
4. Your fashion sense no longer has ‘fashion’ or ‘sense’ to it.
Alright, I admit, your taste of fashion was always a bit…eccentric. But that’s what made you, you. It made you stand out from the crowd, and made us laugh over your sleeveless basketball t-shirt or that bright purple suit for days. There was that extra reason to watch you because we knew that what you wore on Monday night would make news on Tuesday morning.
But now it’s just all…black. Or grey. And just suits or long coats. How midtown. AND WHERE IS THE SCARF?! Bring back the scarf damnit! That scarf has a chapter of its own in the book of fashion statements and it boggles my mind as to why you no longer claim it as your trademark.
And as for why your recent lack of fashion sense makes you more like Vanessa - don’t even get me started on those ill-fitting yellow pants and those big-ass hoop earrings.
5. You are dislikeable for being…you.
It’s harsh, and it hurts, and I’m sorry - but all those things that I just listed before boils down to this. Your lack of judgement, your scare for commitment, and your need to play the rich-bad-boy-who-has-daddy-issues-and-will-therefore-never-stop-being-immature is getting tiring. Please get your act together or just hole yourself up in Victrola so that we at least get to see hot burlesque dancers in the background every time you feel the need to get drunk and ruin Blair Waldorf’s life. My words may sting, but that’s only because I care about you and I don’t want you to end up like Vanessa who gets trashed every episode for being the judgemental, documentary making, fill-in girl that she is. I may be able to deal you these hurtful words without blinking back tears, but it will break my heart to see you get ripped apart by others if this downward spiral of yours continues.
So Chuck, if you are reading this, you must understand that I can no longer love you with the whole of my heart because you are becoming too much like a certain Brooklynite. I feel disappointed and betrayed by your actions. I can only hope that the three weeks you now have to sit and rethink about your past few weeks will change you back into the Season 1 Chuck Bass that first stole my heart and set the butterflies in my stomach fluttering every time you filled the TV screen.
Maybe I am being too harsh, judging too soon. Maybe I am wrong to think that being the new Vanessa is a bad thing. Maybe I just fell out of my delusional-love-spell and only just saw the real you [Maybe I should have taken the hint in ‘Chuck Bass in Real Life’]. And maybe it’s time we part ways because you can’t change who you have become and is ready to move on with other fans who can accept you for who you are.
Whatever the case may be, as a fan that have stuck by you for the past 2 years, I feel that you owe me an explanation. I’ll be waiting.
Dear Chuck,
Five reasons why you may be the new Vanessa:
1. You no longer have a consistent story line in the show.
It’s true. You might deny it; claim that you are still the puppeteer to the puppets; rage that it was all in the name of character building; but deep down you and I both know that the only reason Elle the Nanny came around was to keep you occupied for two episodes while the writers thought of better ways to keep you and Blair apart. And then you spend a whole episode running after Blair, only to turn around in the next and bed someone else - and enjoy doing it.
I don’t understand. It’s like you’ve become another Vanessa who only gets dumped in other people’s storylines so that they can just appear on the show, do something useless, and then just hang around in the background making noises until another character makes a move. I liked you better in Season 1 when you just didn’t appear at all if the storyline wasn’t worth it. Have some self respect.
2. You have fugly hair.
Vanessa has fugly hair - always have, always will. Her curls are too tight, too messy, or just plain ugly because they look like dreadlocks. That girl needs to wash her hair and straighten it damn it, but what can I expect - she’s from Brooklyn.
But you on the other hand, you Chuck Bass, you had soft waves that fell across your forehead or short tufts that made me want to run my hand through it. Not anymore. Now it’s slicked back with two tubs of hair gel that makes your forehead stick out like Frankenstein’s. It makes you look old and very not play boy like. It makes me want to rush at you with a pair of scissors - and I’m not quite sure if it’s because I want to cut your hair off or if it’s because I just want to stab you with it.
3. Your schemes suck.
What happened to the Chuck Bass that had the entire Sculls & Bones at his mercy because of the well thought out, even better played out, manipulative scheme maker that you are. Or rather, were. Your schemes worked. They gave you the result that you wanted because you were smart and cunning enough to know what the next move of your opponent was even before they knew theirs.
But your very recent brainless scheme makes me question all of this. It reminds me of the time Vanessa took Lord Marcus’s and Catherine’s matters into her own hands and it blew up all over the face of pretty boy Nate, whom she also lost the affections of because of that. And now you of all schemers couldn’t come up with a better plan to get Blair back than to make a sex tape with Vanessa. I mean seriously?! Did you even try to think it over? Didn’t your shrewd mind, that works so much like Blair’s, even think that this might backfire and send her running back into the arms of the same person she considers it’s “easy to be with” because there’s no heartache? I am so disappointed.
4. Your fashion sense no longer has ‘fashion’ or ‘sense’ to it.
Alright, I admit, your taste of fashion was always a bit…eccentric. But that’s what made you, you. It made you stand out from the crowd, and made us laugh over your sleeveless basketball t-shirt or that bright purple suit for days. There was that extra reason to watch you because we knew that what you wore on Monday night would make news on Tuesday morning.
But now it’s just all…black. Or grey. And just suits or long coats. How midtown. AND WHERE IS THE SCARF?! Bring back the scarf damnit! That scarf has a chapter of its own in the book of fashion statements and it boggles my mind as to why you no longer claim it as your trademark.
And as for why your recent lack of fashion sense makes you more like Vanessa - don’t even get me started on those ill-fitting yellow pants and those big-ass hoop earrings.
5. You are dislikeable for being…you.
It’s harsh, and it hurts, and I’m sorry - but all those things that I just listed before boils down to this. Your lack of judgement, your scare for commitment, and your need to play the rich-bad-boy-who-has-daddy-issues-and-will-therefore-never-stop-being-immature is getting tiring. Please get your act together or just hole yourself up in Victrola so that we at least get to see hot burlesque dancers in the background every time you feel the need to get drunk and ruin Blair Waldorf’s life. My words may sting, but that’s only because I care about you and I don’t want you to end up like Vanessa who gets trashed every episode for being the judgemental, documentary making, fill-in girl that she is. I may be able to deal you these hurtful words without blinking back tears, but it will break my heart to see you get ripped apart by others if this downward spiral of yours continues.
So Chuck, if you are reading this, you must understand that I can no longer love you with the whole of my heart because you are becoming too much like a certain Brooklynite. I feel disappointed and betrayed by your actions. I can only hope that the three weeks you now have to sit and rethink about your past few weeks will change you back into the Season 1 Chuck Bass that first stole my heart and set the butterflies in my stomach fluttering every time you filled the TV screen.
Maybe I am being too harsh, judging too soon. Maybe I am wrong to think that being the new Vanessa is a bad thing. Maybe I just fell out of my delusional-love-spell and only just saw the real you [Maybe I should have taken the hint in ‘Chuck Bass in Real Life’]. And maybe it’s time we part ways because you can’t change who you have become and is ready to move on with other fans who can accept you for who you are.
Whatever the case may be, as a fan that have stuck by you for the past 2 years, I feel that you owe me an explanation. I’ll be waiting.