grandiose delusions
It's been almost a month since my 23rd birthday and I think it's time to make some resolutions. I really want this year to go well for me since I will have a lot of opportunities for change and growth and I feel like I need to make the most of the freedom of youth while I still can. I hope that this year brings me knowledge, maturity, some amount of wealth, and, most importantly, memorable experiences. 22 seemed forgettable. I don't feel like I did much or made the most of my time. This year is going to be the total opposite.
Goals Involving Money/My Future:
- Find a job that I feel comfortable with. I don't want to be worried about what the day will bring every time I show up for work. I really wanted to find something that paid well, but at this point, I'd settle for minimum wage as long as whatever I'm doing doesn't give me nightmares. I want something where I can get into a routine and work at least five days a week. I need to stay busy and make money.
- Get into graduate school. I've sent in my application so right now it's out of my hands, but if I don't get accepted at SDSU, I'm going to take some classes at Cuyamaca to raise my GPA and reapply next year.
- Learn a skill or get a certification. Considering I don't get into graduate school this year, I want to prepare myself for getting a professional job outside of the field of psychology. There are a lot of things I've been thinking about - technical school, a graphic design degree, a real estate license, even becoming a certified meditation instructor - and I want to find something that I can enjoy and make a living from. I don't want to sit around waiting for graduate school anymore. If I don't get in, I'm making other plans.
External/Adventure Goals:
- Take a bunch of day trips. I want to go somewhere each month that is in the Southern California area and make the experience into a mini road trip. There are a lot of great things to see and experience that are only a short drive away. I want to visit small desert towns and beach communities and go to the mountains and L.A. I want to get out of East County (and San Diego in general) once in a while and since I don't have money for airplanes or hotels, the price of a tank of gas will have to supply me with the adventure I am craving.
- Take advantage of more activities in San Diego. I often complain about the lack of things to do and see out here, especially after I got so spoiled with Boston. But I think that I'm just overlooking a lot of things because they seem inane or I've done them before when I was little. I'd like to go to Sea World and the Zoo and Balboa Park museums and unique restaurants and places that I've driven past hundreds of times but never stopped to check out. For example, there is a winery in Ramona that I pass on my way to work that is always having wine tastings. I would like to actually go to one of those.
- Take two big trips. I would like to go back to Boston, go to Las Vegas, or take a cruise somewhere (maybe Alaska). I'm going to start putting aside money specifically for a big trip because otherwise I will never feel like I have enough money to go. I would LOVE to go to Europe, but the problem seems to be finding someone to go with me. (If you're interested, please let me know!)
- Attend more social events. Whether it's going to a party or getting coffee with a friend, I seriously need to get out and socialize more. I'm thinking about starting a bowling night or board game night or something that will happen regularly where I will have a scheduled excuse to see my friends. I really have been a hermit this past year, both in Boston and San Diego and I want to make up for it while I still have some free time.
Internal/Personal Goals:
- Buy a wider range of clothes. This isn't internal but I'll count it as a personal goal. I like my current clothes, but I feel like I'm always stuck resorting to the generic t-shirt/jeans attire because I don't see a lot of clothes at stores that fit my personality. Really, I would never want to wear a boatneck lycra tank top to go to Parkway Plaza or eat at Chili's. I might push the limits of my style for a special occasion, but I don't want to have to try that hard on a daily basis. Besides, I'm not out to break hearts or find one night stands (these things happen enough as it is...HA!), so I have trouble with the selction at most cheap, accessable stores. Everything seems too uncomfortable, too revealing, too overdone, too ill-fitting, too ugly, or too bro-ho-ish. Also, the clothes I look at tend to be cheap, and therefore look cheap. Anyway, since I rarely buy clothes anyway, I am going to allow myself to spend more money if I find something I really like. I usually shy away from high prices even though those are usually the outfits I like the most. Some of my favorite and most well-used clothes have been more expensive than I was comfortable with. I bought my favorite skirt and favorite coat in Boston for prices higher than I was used to and I spent a lot on two dresses I bought in Ireland (which have become two of my favorites) because I had leftover spending money. The moral of this rambling resolution is that I've realized that more expensive clothes are often more appealing to me and it is probably worth it to spend a lot on one thing that I love and will get ample use out of than to spend the same amount on a bunch nylon shirts and frumpy pants that will sit at the back of my closet forever. And I want to start creating an extended wardrobe around this idea.
- Read more. I have a bunch of books that I've bought over the past few years and I've never sat down to read most of them. I want to make a bigger effort to get into them.
- Find a hobby or interest that I can dedicate time to. I love psychology - diagnoses, symptoms, theories, case studies, research, treatment - but it isn't something I can go out and do and it isn't something I can really talk to most people about. I used to really like astronomy and I could go out and identify stars and constellations and stuff. That's the kind of thing I want to get into again. Maybe something like bird watching or playing an instrument or going out and looking for valuables with metal detectors. I want something to take up my time that I can do on my own or do with other people who share the same interest. I'd even do something like hang gliding or rock climbing but all that equipment is pretty expensive.
- Do more creative stuff. I want to get back into writing poems and short stories. Writing is a good way for me to get in touch with my emotions, even if I am writing something fictional. I also want to start painting and maybe even doing photography again.
- Exercise or engage in some regular physical activity. After I got back from Boston, my activity level has gone way down and so has my energy. I want to tone some muscles and start feeling healthier.
- Look for new music (and delete the thousands of crap songs currently on my computer). Last year I spent a huge portion of my time researching and downloading music and it was actually pretty fulfilling. I don't want to get that obsessive and nerdy about it again, but I would like to find out what's been released in the past year and see if it's any good.
- Try to be more positive and appreciative. I feel like I've been looking at the bad side of everything for a while now and I want that to change. I want to get more out of each day and not get hung up on minor disappointments. I spend too much time feeling angry, frustrated, and tired. I am going to start focusing on all the beauty in the world that I often miss because of my negative attitude. I am going to be more thankful for the small rewards that come with each day of being alive. I am going to complain less, be less sarcastic, and loosen up so I can deal with setbacks better. I want 23 to be a fun, exciting, positive year that I can look back on with happiness and satisfaction.
Goals Involving Money/My Future:
- Find a job that I feel comfortable with. I don't want to be worried about what the day will bring every time I show up for work. I really wanted to find something that paid well, but at this point, I'd settle for minimum wage as long as whatever I'm doing doesn't give me nightmares. I want something where I can get into a routine and work at least five days a week. I need to stay busy and make money.
- Get into graduate school. I've sent in my application so right now it's out of my hands, but if I don't get accepted at SDSU, I'm going to take some classes at Cuyamaca to raise my GPA and reapply next year.
- Learn a skill or get a certification. Considering I don't get into graduate school this year, I want to prepare myself for getting a professional job outside of the field of psychology. There are a lot of things I've been thinking about - technical school, a graphic design degree, a real estate license, even becoming a certified meditation instructor - and I want to find something that I can enjoy and make a living from. I don't want to sit around waiting for graduate school anymore. If I don't get in, I'm making other plans.
External/Adventure Goals:
- Take a bunch of day trips. I want to go somewhere each month that is in the Southern California area and make the experience into a mini road trip. There are a lot of great things to see and experience that are only a short drive away. I want to visit small desert towns and beach communities and go to the mountains and L.A. I want to get out of East County (and San Diego in general) once in a while and since I don't have money for airplanes or hotels, the price of a tank of gas will have to supply me with the adventure I am craving.
- Take advantage of more activities in San Diego. I often complain about the lack of things to do and see out here, especially after I got so spoiled with Boston. But I think that I'm just overlooking a lot of things because they seem inane or I've done them before when I was little. I'd like to go to Sea World and the Zoo and Balboa Park museums and unique restaurants and places that I've driven past hundreds of times but never stopped to check out. For example, there is a winery in Ramona that I pass on my way to work that is always having wine tastings. I would like to actually go to one of those.
- Take two big trips. I would like to go back to Boston, go to Las Vegas, or take a cruise somewhere (maybe Alaska). I'm going to start putting aside money specifically for a big trip because otherwise I will never feel like I have enough money to go. I would LOVE to go to Europe, but the problem seems to be finding someone to go with me. (If you're interested, please let me know!)
- Attend more social events. Whether it's going to a party or getting coffee with a friend, I seriously need to get out and socialize more. I'm thinking about starting a bowling night or board game night or something that will happen regularly where I will have a scheduled excuse to see my friends. I really have been a hermit this past year, both in Boston and San Diego and I want to make up for it while I still have some free time.
Internal/Personal Goals:
- Buy a wider range of clothes. This isn't internal but I'll count it as a personal goal. I like my current clothes, but I feel like I'm always stuck resorting to the generic t-shirt/jeans attire because I don't see a lot of clothes at stores that fit my personality. Really, I would never want to wear a boatneck lycra tank top to go to Parkway Plaza or eat at Chili's. I might push the limits of my style for a special occasion, but I don't want to have to try that hard on a daily basis. Besides, I'm not out to break hearts or find one night stands (these things happen enough as it is...HA!), so I have trouble with the selction at most cheap, accessable stores. Everything seems too uncomfortable, too revealing, too overdone, too ill-fitting, too ugly, or too bro-ho-ish. Also, the clothes I look at tend to be cheap, and therefore look cheap. Anyway, since I rarely buy clothes anyway, I am going to allow myself to spend more money if I find something I really like. I usually shy away from high prices even though those are usually the outfits I like the most. Some of my favorite and most well-used clothes have been more expensive than I was comfortable with. I bought my favorite skirt and favorite coat in Boston for prices higher than I was used to and I spent a lot on two dresses I bought in Ireland (which have become two of my favorites) because I had leftover spending money. The moral of this rambling resolution is that I've realized that more expensive clothes are often more appealing to me and it is probably worth it to spend a lot on one thing that I love and will get ample use out of than to spend the same amount on a bunch nylon shirts and frumpy pants that will sit at the back of my closet forever. And I want to start creating an extended wardrobe around this idea.
- Read more. I have a bunch of books that I've bought over the past few years and I've never sat down to read most of them. I want to make a bigger effort to get into them.
- Find a hobby or interest that I can dedicate time to. I love psychology - diagnoses, symptoms, theories, case studies, research, treatment - but it isn't something I can go out and do and it isn't something I can really talk to most people about. I used to really like astronomy and I could go out and identify stars and constellations and stuff. That's the kind of thing I want to get into again. Maybe something like bird watching or playing an instrument or going out and looking for valuables with metal detectors. I want something to take up my time that I can do on my own or do with other people who share the same interest. I'd even do something like hang gliding or rock climbing but all that equipment is pretty expensive.
- Do more creative stuff. I want to get back into writing poems and short stories. Writing is a good way for me to get in touch with my emotions, even if I am writing something fictional. I also want to start painting and maybe even doing photography again.
- Exercise or engage in some regular physical activity. After I got back from Boston, my activity level has gone way down and so has my energy. I want to tone some muscles and start feeling healthier.
- Look for new music (and delete the thousands of crap songs currently on my computer). Last year I spent a huge portion of my time researching and downloading music and it was actually pretty fulfilling. I don't want to get that obsessive and nerdy about it again, but I would like to find out what's been released in the past year and see if it's any good.
- Try to be more positive and appreciative. I feel like I've been looking at the bad side of everything for a while now and I want that to change. I want to get more out of each day and not get hung up on minor disappointments. I spend too much time feeling angry, frustrated, and tired. I am going to start focusing on all the beauty in the world that I often miss because of my negative attitude. I am going to be more thankful for the small rewards that come with each day of being alive. I am going to complain less, be less sarcastic, and loosen up so I can deal with setbacks better. I want 23 to be a fun, exciting, positive year that I can look back on with happiness and satisfaction.