Salupationes'
Its a Wednedsay. Getting over the hump. I never knew what that meant..guess i thought married ppl humped that day, was always confused at why you could say it on radio though. Never had guts to ask my parents..lol.
Mr Noah Sugarbones WILL be attending school the 1st Monday in October. I worry that his shoes aren't nice enough. Many Dr's and Lawyers children go to this hoity toity private school. I want him to look presentable. He'll NEVER be a Gymboree child...we need to eat..lol. I worry that i'll miss him to the point of heartbreak. I worry that i'll have so much time on my hands that my ex-best-friend depression will sneek in again. BAh! I worry too much and need to give it to God and StOp!
So, husband is in class tonight. History is what he is taking. WHY is he taking this if he is studying to sit for his CPA exam? Don't ask. I should keep my blood pressure down.
I am so mad at my father i could gouge his eyes out, but won't.
See, when I found out that Noah was having speech problems to the point of maybe needing to start a program for disabled children if he didn't improve by 3 years of age, i came up with an idea. (sorry run-on Prousty sentence there..lol)
The idea was to send him over to the pre-school where dh (dear husband) works and let him be around other children, something that rarely happens. I thought this would help him with speech and social skills. He is doing SO much better now, signing the word "more" and learning many new words and actually using them. He engages more and stops and listens when i speak to him. He plays pretend games and sings finger songs.
I just KNOW this will be what he needs to get him back on track IF ANYTHING. It would only be for 4 months and then he could go to plain old Headstart (free) if he is up to par! :)
Well, here is the deal as i ramble on and on.
It costs too much for our budget.
So, i thought , okay...we can't do it...thats ok...we'll keep on trucking and it'll be fine. I was dashed, but realistic. You can only do what you can do!
Well, my mom asked me about the daycare a day or so later. I said no can do. She said yes you can, you must! I said no bones, she said her and my dad would help us with what we couldn't afford about 25% of the discounted tuition. I said r u sure it is ok with dad and she said yes.
SO, 2 weeks have past...we were waiting for his name to be called as he was on a waiting list. Then his name came up.
We're over at my mom's on Sunday for visiting. My dad got Noah a new Red Flyer wagonand he is playing with it. My Dad is in a surly mood because he has been drinking all day. Its about 6pm.
Then he starts hammering on my husband about getting abetter job and
"why dont you work at the phone company like your brother? Isn't he making good money out there? ask him for a job." (my dh's bro is a baboon)
and
"when i was married with 2 kids you couldn't BUY a job...BUT I MANAGED!"
I said to him, stop it. This is not your son. You can't talk to him that way.
My dad gets all huffy and throws the damn check at us for Noah's school.
My mom was so upset. She said to him "i hope you are happy".
I came home and cried and cried. Cried til i got a cramp. Cried and wanted to call him up and say "who do you think you are? i didn't marry him because i wanted a fat bank acct. i married him because he stands by me no matter where we are. he loves Jesus and cares about his family. he is tender and kind and cries when they play the Natl Anthem. he was ALWAYS there when he said he would be for all the 10 years i have known him.
I wanted to ask him" why dont you talk to my sister's husband that way? the one who has NEVER worked anywhere..the one who has sat waiting for the last 10 years til his mother died and left him the ranch? why don't you talk to him that way? cuz he is white too? cuz he is a MAson like you? WHY!???? WHy us? the ones who come see your sorry drunk ass every weekend and buy you cakes for your birthday because your other kids dont live in town?
I had decided we wouldn't use the check.
But then he calls the next day and leaves this message like nothing ever happened. ANd then my mom is crying because she wants Noah to go and we are thinking of not sending him.
I hate being powerless.
Sure it sucks being not-well off.
But its not killing us. SUre it sucks not having health ins, but we haven't needed it.
I could sit and scream and fret and yell at my dh because we dont have this and that, but he works a 40 hour week. He does send out resumes like mad. He can't pay 850.00 to go to Washington DC to take an exam for a job. Things are tough for everyone, ya know?
We are doing the best we can.
Why does my own Father have to be so cruel?
We didn't even ask them to help. They offered, but he has to stick it to someone because he is so hateful.
:*******(
I have never done anything but love him and try to get close to him and this hurts like hell. He isn't ever going to be proud of me...its never enough.
Mr Noah Sugarbones WILL be attending school the 1st Monday in October. I worry that his shoes aren't nice enough. Many Dr's and Lawyers children go to this hoity toity private school. I want him to look presentable. He'll NEVER be a Gymboree child...we need to eat..lol. I worry that i'll miss him to the point of heartbreak. I worry that i'll have so much time on my hands that my ex-best-friend depression will sneek in again. BAh! I worry too much and need to give it to God and StOp!
So, husband is in class tonight. History is what he is taking. WHY is he taking this if he is studying to sit for his CPA exam? Don't ask. I should keep my blood pressure down.
I am so mad at my father i could gouge his eyes out, but won't.
See, when I found out that Noah was having speech problems to the point of maybe needing to start a program for disabled children if he didn't improve by 3 years of age, i came up with an idea. (sorry run-on Prousty sentence there..lol)
The idea was to send him over to the pre-school where dh (dear husband) works and let him be around other children, something that rarely happens. I thought this would help him with speech and social skills. He is doing SO much better now, signing the word "more" and learning many new words and actually using them. He engages more and stops and listens when i speak to him. He plays pretend games and sings finger songs.
I just KNOW this will be what he needs to get him back on track IF ANYTHING. It would only be for 4 months and then he could go to plain old Headstart (free) if he is up to par! :)
Well, here is the deal as i ramble on and on.
It costs too much for our budget.
So, i thought , okay...we can't do it...thats ok...we'll keep on trucking and it'll be fine. I was dashed, but realistic. You can only do what you can do!
Well, my mom asked me about the daycare a day or so later. I said no can do. She said yes you can, you must! I said no bones, she said her and my dad would help us with what we couldn't afford about 25% of the discounted tuition. I said r u sure it is ok with dad and she said yes.
SO, 2 weeks have past...we were waiting for his name to be called as he was on a waiting list. Then his name came up.
We're over at my mom's on Sunday for visiting. My dad got Noah a new Red Flyer wagonand he is playing with it. My Dad is in a surly mood because he has been drinking all day. Its about 6pm.
Then he starts hammering on my husband about getting abetter job and
"why dont you work at the phone company like your brother? Isn't he making good money out there? ask him for a job." (my dh's bro is a baboon)
and
"when i was married with 2 kids you couldn't BUY a job...BUT I MANAGED!"
I said to him, stop it. This is not your son. You can't talk to him that way.
My dad gets all huffy and throws the damn check at us for Noah's school.
My mom was so upset. She said to him "i hope you are happy".
I came home and cried and cried. Cried til i got a cramp. Cried and wanted to call him up and say "who do you think you are? i didn't marry him because i wanted a fat bank acct. i married him because he stands by me no matter where we are. he loves Jesus and cares about his family. he is tender and kind and cries when they play the Natl Anthem. he was ALWAYS there when he said he would be for all the 10 years i have known him.
I wanted to ask him" why dont you talk to my sister's husband that way? the one who has NEVER worked anywhere..the one who has sat waiting for the last 10 years til his mother died and left him the ranch? why don't you talk to him that way? cuz he is white too? cuz he is a MAson like you? WHY!???? WHy us? the ones who come see your sorry drunk ass every weekend and buy you cakes for your birthday because your other kids dont live in town?
I had decided we wouldn't use the check.
But then he calls the next day and leaves this message like nothing ever happened. ANd then my mom is crying because she wants Noah to go and we are thinking of not sending him.
I hate being powerless.
Sure it sucks being not-well off.
But its not killing us. SUre it sucks not having health ins, but we haven't needed it.
I could sit and scream and fret and yell at my dh because we dont have this and that, but he works a 40 hour week. He does send out resumes like mad. He can't pay 850.00 to go to Washington DC to take an exam for a job. Things are tough for everyone, ya know?
We are doing the best we can.
Why does my own Father have to be so cruel?
We didn't even ask them to help. They offered, but he has to stick it to someone because he is so hateful.
:*******(
I have never done anything but love him and try to get close to him and this hurts like hell. He isn't ever going to be proud of me...its never enough.