Thoughts on nostalgia, and friends
Chiyo here again. I've noticed that this year is different from last year, and that i'm drifting away from my school friends. Actually I've noticed this before and got scared by it, thinking that people will think i have no friends. Well it's time to stop thinking that and facing the truth: i have no friends. And I'd never thought I'd say that about myself, I've always thought of myself as a competent together person.
So, this time it will be different. This time, i won't struggle to get back where i was: barely friends, a fair weather friend, always the last to be included in something.
I've made up my mind after much being slightly pissed off at the world, to not try. If i'm an interesting enough person, and they want me to be their friend, that's good. If not, I can finally try to (and feel entitled to) be friends with my friends from dance. That could be why i'm so bad socially around them cause i want to be friends with them but i don't feel like i should cause i have other friends and would i be deserting my other friends? Since I don't do anything with my other friends, anything with my friends from dance would make it seem like i'm better friends with them...
I've made up my mind: i will not struggle to try to hang on to my friendship with my school friends, they can all go out for lunch and i'll then be sort of "free" to ask my friends from dance can I sit with you?
It could either go one of 4 ways: 1. I lose my friends from school and then have no friends cause i'm not wanted by my friends from dance. or 2. I lose my friends from school and become closer to my friends from dance. 3. I don't lose my friends from school adn dont become any closer to my friends from dance or 4. i dont lose my friends from school just become closer to my friends from dance, and become a more independent girl able to make my own decisions not rely on other people.
I need to know how does one go about being a better friend or making friends? She's not going to be just invited somewhere for no apparent reason, like would she say something along the lines of "hi do you guys want to go to..." but where?
I figure the stage i'm at now is analagous to a sort of lift in dance, if anyone knows the feeling you get right before you jump, and then you fly through the air and with relief are caught and held up in the air. If you haven't felt that feeling you have no idea what i'm talkign about. More examples: you're on a hockey team and you've just shot the puck towards the net and are not completely sure it'll go in. You're in gymnastics or ice skating and you go to do a jump or something. You're a parachutist, that one is pretty self explanatory :)
How to be a good friend... why doesn't anyone ever tell me those things?
i still think i might be a lesbian, but am not 100% sure ... I guess everyone isn't completely sure sometimes...
So, this time it will be different. This time, i won't struggle to get back where i was: barely friends, a fair weather friend, always the last to be included in something.
I've made up my mind after much being slightly pissed off at the world, to not try. If i'm an interesting enough person, and they want me to be their friend, that's good. If not, I can finally try to (and feel entitled to) be friends with my friends from dance. That could be why i'm so bad socially around them cause i want to be friends with them but i don't feel like i should cause i have other friends and would i be deserting my other friends? Since I don't do anything with my other friends, anything with my friends from dance would make it seem like i'm better friends with them...
I've made up my mind: i will not struggle to try to hang on to my friendship with my school friends, they can all go out for lunch and i'll then be sort of "free" to ask my friends from dance can I sit with you?
It could either go one of 4 ways: 1. I lose my friends from school and then have no friends cause i'm not wanted by my friends from dance. or 2. I lose my friends from school and become closer to my friends from dance. 3. I don't lose my friends from school adn dont become any closer to my friends from dance or 4. i dont lose my friends from school just become closer to my friends from dance, and become a more independent girl able to make my own decisions not rely on other people.
I need to know how does one go about being a better friend or making friends? She's not going to be just invited somewhere for no apparent reason, like would she say something along the lines of "hi do you guys want to go to..." but where?
I figure the stage i'm at now is analagous to a sort of lift in dance, if anyone knows the feeling you get right before you jump, and then you fly through the air and with relief are caught and held up in the air. If you haven't felt that feeling you have no idea what i'm talkign about. More examples: you're on a hockey team and you've just shot the puck towards the net and are not completely sure it'll go in. You're in gymnastics or ice skating and you go to do a jump or something. You're a parachutist, that one is pretty self explanatory :)
How to be a good friend... why doesn't anyone ever tell me those things?
i still think i might be a lesbian, but am not 100% sure ... I guess everyone isn't completely sure sometimes...