10 years
Tomorrow it will be 10 years since my aunt Nikki passed. And I know I've done a post about missing her, and time passing, and stuff, but - well, life is cyclical. Deal with it.
There have been many upheavals in my life in the past few months, and in coming back to Columbus, I have gotten reacquainted, or better acquainted, with many friends and people I knew when I was in H.S. So it's no surprise that I've been thinking about high school, and my life as a teenager. And, having just attended a BFF yesterday, along with brunch at my Dad's, I've been thinking about family.
I miss Nikki. I miss Nikki every day of my life. It's just there, in the back of my head (like how I miss my Grandma Mowry, in a way) and usually I just let it be. But every once in a while, I think about her.
I don't want to go into spiritual beliefs, or where I think she is, or whether she's watching us, but I have moments where I swear I feel her. I have dreams, not often but sometimes, when I talk to her.
And I know it's like that for most of my family, but we don't talk about it. Which is weird, b/c my family talks about everything, but we don't talk about that. I don't get to hear stories of my mom and aunts and uncles growing up, I have never heard the story of my grandparents' getting together - at least not all together - and I want them. I want so badly to know more about these people I'm tied to, through blood and love and everything else.
I dunno, I'm not even sure I'm making sense (lack of sleep does that to me) but what I'm trying to say is that I want to take this time to get closer to my family - when I left here 8 years ago, I was trying to so hard to get away from them, and every time I came back, I felt separate from them. I don't want that to happen again. When I leave again (if I leave again? Wow, that's a scary thought) I want to stay connected with them.
So I guess in remembering Nikki, I'm reaffirming my faith and love in my family. That's sweet. And something I know she'd appreciate.
Well, look at me all sappy. How quaint. Going to bed now - hopefully I can sleep it off. G'night!
There have been many upheavals in my life in the past few months, and in coming back to Columbus, I have gotten reacquainted, or better acquainted, with many friends and people I knew when I was in H.S. So it's no surprise that I've been thinking about high school, and my life as a teenager. And, having just attended a BFF yesterday, along with brunch at my Dad's, I've been thinking about family.
I miss Nikki. I miss Nikki every day of my life. It's just there, in the back of my head (like how I miss my Grandma Mowry, in a way) and usually I just let it be. But every once in a while, I think about her.
I don't want to go into spiritual beliefs, or where I think she is, or whether she's watching us, but I have moments where I swear I feel her. I have dreams, not often but sometimes, when I talk to her.
And I know it's like that for most of my family, but we don't talk about it. Which is weird, b/c my family talks about everything, but we don't talk about that. I don't get to hear stories of my mom and aunts and uncles growing up, I have never heard the story of my grandparents' getting together - at least not all together - and I want them. I want so badly to know more about these people I'm tied to, through blood and love and everything else.
I dunno, I'm not even sure I'm making sense (lack of sleep does that to me) but what I'm trying to say is that I want to take this time to get closer to my family - when I left here 8 years ago, I was trying to so hard to get away from them, and every time I came back, I felt separate from them. I don't want that to happen again. When I leave again (if I leave again? Wow, that's a scary thought) I want to stay connected with them.
So I guess in remembering Nikki, I'm reaffirming my faith and love in my family. That's sweet. And something I know she'd appreciate.
Well, look at me all sappy. How quaint. Going to bed now - hopefully I can sleep it off. G'night!