(no subject)
omg.....im so fuckin blind! i should have seen it, im so selfish and self centered i didnt even relize that josh is fallin for laur. well at least i think he is. he talkes to her more, gives her more hugs, comment her on her xanga and probably my space also, and he called her up a few dayz ago askin her if she wanted to go to aquire the fire with his church. now if that dosent give it away then what does?! omg...am i gettin jelious of my best friend, which by the way has a boyfriend and she adores him.....but josh, i serisouly think he's startin to like her.....i really think i screwed that relationship up....i lost his trust, and now its commin back to bite me in the ass....but im single and so is matthew and nothigns goin on between me and him. josh took almost all of my feelings for matthew! i dont thnik he knows but he did.....i had a dream about josh last night.....i dont rember what it was about but i rember seeing him in it.....holy fcuk, its killing me! i want to know for a fact if he likes her of not....i want to know his feelings. so if he has none towards me then i can stop buggin him.....if he has no feelings like that towards me i want to know so i dont feel like a silly girl chasing after a silly boy who dosent even have the sme feelings back.....i dont know whats goin on, i have written him many notes but i cant bring myself to give them to him....im scared of the rejection. josh and laur used to never get along....i dont c why he would like her...but now they r gettin along perfect.....now that im outta the picture his life is better. maybe i messed some things in his life up...maybe he never had real feelings towards me.....maybe it was all in my head.....i just wanna kno, does he like her? i mean he called to see if she wanted to go to aquire the fire, he said that she gives great hugs......omg! am i ubsessing over this boy?!? and while i was goin out with him i treated him like crap...well at least i did in my opinion.....i love laur dont get me wrong but every guy i liked always likes her at one time or another, matthew did and now i think josh did....i dont know, but josh and i arnt together....so it shouldnt phase me, right?!? no it shouldnt....but it does! ahh....if he does like her then its not her fault im not gunna get mad or anything, i just wanna know so i can get over him faster.yes, if he likes her i can get over him faster....yes...that might be a good idea....but in the mean time its shit for me!