[Super Junior] Lessons in Humility, PG-13, humor/crack, EunTeuk
For aconite's birthday. This fic is lame and retarded, I'm so sorry, and it doesn't even have porn to make up for it! I totally got distracted by the stupidity and fail, oh god. And Hae ran away with me, like I said. It wasn't even worth the wait, I'm so sorry. I will write you something better one day!
Still, um, happy birthday!
Lessons in Humility
Super Junior, EunTeuk, PG-13, 1180 words
Eunhyuk deals with the constant embarrassment of being, well, himself.
Lessons in Humility
by meitachi
Eunhyuk likes being liked, which is why he doesn’t complain when his hyungs make jokes about his porn or his smelly feet. He knows they only do it because they love him, even if they express it in painfully publicly humiliating ways. It’s a sign of affection, he rationalizes.
A sign of great affection, he reminds himself when Shindong makes the 532nd crack about his feet, Kangin embarrasses him on radio, Heechul steals his favorite shirt, Yesung knocks his toothbrush into the toilet (okay, that one may have been an accident), and Leeteuk downloads porn onto his PSP and leaves it there for Sungmin to find-all in one day.
“I’m pretty sure this is against some sort of cosmic rule,” Eunhyuk says to Donghae over the phone. “This much bad karma in one day shouldn’t be allowed.”
“Maybe it means you’ll win the lottery tomorrow,” Donghae suggests.
“I don’t need the lottery: I need for my life to not be so tragic.” Eunhyuk makes a mournful sound and leans back into his bed. At least he has his own room.
“Maybe you should tell them to stop embarrassing you. Sometimes honesty is the best policy! Except when people ask you if they look fat in something, then sometimes you have to lie a little bit, but I’m pretty sure that doesn’t count, and anyway, asking a question like that is stupid-”
The door to Eunhyuk’s room bangs open and Leeteuk sticks his head inside. “Oops,” he says, looking sheepish. “Sorry. I meant to ask. Can I borrow your PSP?”
Eunhyuk is torn between being a good dongsaeng and saying “I’m actually using it right now, doing very important things like possibly drawing retarded pictures to send Junsu, but maybe you can borrow Yesung’s” and “fuck no you downloaded porn-and it was bad porn on top of that!-onto it and now Sungmin won’t look me in the eye!”
“Er,” he says instead.
“Is that Teukie-hyung?” Donghae asks brightly. “Tell him, tell him now! ‘Stop embarrassing me, it gives me low self-esteem and then I can’t perform sexually and you don’t want to be responsible for that!’”
“What,” Eunhyuk gasps into his phone, forgetting temporarily about Leeteuk.
“Or something like that. It’ll make him feel guilty for sure.” Donghae sounds remorselessly cheerful.
“Have you…been spending too much time around Heechul-hyung? But, no, you’re in China, he’s here…” Eunhyuk makes a small, unhappy noise. His brain cannot comprehend the words coming out of Donghae’s mouth. But it only gets worse.
“Or you could suck him off. Bribery usually works.”
Leeteuk watches Eunhyuk sputter incoherently to himself for a minute or two, then steps fully into the room. He tilts his head curiously to one side, bangs falling in front of his eyes, asking, “Are you all right? What’s the matter?” Eunhyuk blames Donghae and his terrible suggestions (and probably also Heechul’s awful corrupting influence) when he can’t help but stare at Leeteuk’s mouth, so very pink and red inside. And when he catches himself staring, and flushes, he moves his eyes away but then he realizes he’s staring at Leeteuk’s crotch.
“I have to go,” Eunhyuk blurts into the phone and hangs up on Donghae.
“You’re very red,” Leeteuk observes.
“I’ve had a bad day.” Eunhyuk clears his throat nervously and looks at the older member, who has moved further into the room and is now standing beside Eunhyuk’s bed. “Hyung,” he starts. Leeteuk looks at him expectantly.
Eunhyuk tries not to think about Donghae’s misguided advice, or the porn Leeteuk watched earlier (that Eunhyuk only saw when he went to delete it) on his PSP, or the way Leeteuk is now licking his lips absentmindedly, leaving them damp and glistening.
“I wish- Can you- Um. I was really embarrassed today!”
Leeteuk continues staring at him, his expression saying something similar to “and this is different from every other day, how?”
“I wish you guys would stop embarrassing me!” Eunhyuk regrets his outburst almost as soon as it leaves his mouth. He should really never listen to Donghae. Why did he think it would be a good idea to listen to Donghae?
Leeteuk furrows his brow. “What do you mean?”
“Well-”
“Are we embarrassing you, Hyukkie?” Suddenly Leeteuk is all concern, resting a hip on Eunhyuk’s bed and leaning forward into Eunhyuk’s personal space. “Do you feel like it’s really getting you down? Do you think it’s too much? You haven’t had thoughts about killing yourself lately, have you? Or worse, killing us? Have we gone overboard? Do you need me to talk to Kangin and Heechul?”
He’s frowning and talking and still talking and Eunhyuk panics. He flails his hands a little and gasps, “No! Hyung! That’s not- Stop- No.”
“I can talk to Kangin and Heechul if you need me to,” Leeteuk says earnestly, eyes bright.
Eunhyuk can only imagine Heechul’s reaction. He tries not to. Desperate, he resorts to the only advice he’s gotten so far on the situation. “I’ll blow you if you stop!”
Leeteuk stops with his mouth open, and his eyes widen comically beneath his bangs.
Oh shit, thinks Eunhyuk.
--
Afterwards, Leeteuk says, breathily, “I guess I don’t need to borrow your PSP anymore.”
Eunhyuk turns his head into the pillow and mutters, “I deleted your porn already anyway.” But he’s too exhausted to work up much irritation as the sweat cools on his back.
Leeteuk curls up against him and smiles against Eunhyuk’s bare shoulder. “So I guess you don’t mind being embarrassed all the time?”
“What?” says Eunhyuk, because that’s definitely not the conclusion he reached.
“Well, I was offering solutions to ease up on your embarrassment, and you gave me a blowjob to make me stop. I figure that’s a pretty good indication that you want it to continue. It’s how bribery works,” he adds, as if he thinks Eunhyuk ought to know.
Eunhyuk wails, stricken, “I only wanted you to stop talking.”
“Well.” Leeteuk’s smile takes on a more definite wicked edge and his lashes lower over his eyes. His voice drops suggestively and slips his hand under the sheets. “Why don’t you convince me some more.”
--
(“By the way, I hate you,” Eunhyuk tells Donghae over their next phone call.
“I heard from Heechul that Teukie-hyung hasn’t slept in his own bed for the past two nights, so you must’ve gotten a lot of sex. I don’t think it’s very nice to hate someone who got you a lot of sex.”
Eunhyuk says, “Aha! I knew you were talking to Heechul! He’s the one corrupting you, isn’t he?”
Donghae laughs a little. “Actually, you’d be surprised.”
“Well then, who is it?”
“You know, Kyuhyun’s not nearly as innocent as we all think he is…”
“I think I’m going to hang up now,” Eunhyuk says, feeling a little queasy at the very idea. Not their magnae…
“Go forth and have lots of sex,” Donghae chirps at him. “I’ll be sure to mention that you’re getting lucky on SJM’s next interview!”
And Eunhyuk is deeply saddened by the fact that embarrassing him is evidently such a glorious pastime that none of his friends can quit it, even when in another country. Such is his life.)
--
Started: 06.09.08
Finished: 06.10.08
Still, um, happy birthday!
Lessons in Humility
Super Junior, EunTeuk, PG-13, 1180 words
Eunhyuk deals with the constant embarrassment of being, well, himself.
Lessons in Humility
by meitachi
Eunhyuk likes being liked, which is why he doesn’t complain when his hyungs make jokes about his porn or his smelly feet. He knows they only do it because they love him, even if they express it in painfully publicly humiliating ways. It’s a sign of affection, he rationalizes.
A sign of great affection, he reminds himself when Shindong makes the 532nd crack about his feet, Kangin embarrasses him on radio, Heechul steals his favorite shirt, Yesung knocks his toothbrush into the toilet (okay, that one may have been an accident), and Leeteuk downloads porn onto his PSP and leaves it there for Sungmin to find-all in one day.
“I’m pretty sure this is against some sort of cosmic rule,” Eunhyuk says to Donghae over the phone. “This much bad karma in one day shouldn’t be allowed.”
“Maybe it means you’ll win the lottery tomorrow,” Donghae suggests.
“I don’t need the lottery: I need for my life to not be so tragic.” Eunhyuk makes a mournful sound and leans back into his bed. At least he has his own room.
“Maybe you should tell them to stop embarrassing you. Sometimes honesty is the best policy! Except when people ask you if they look fat in something, then sometimes you have to lie a little bit, but I’m pretty sure that doesn’t count, and anyway, asking a question like that is stupid-”
The door to Eunhyuk’s room bangs open and Leeteuk sticks his head inside. “Oops,” he says, looking sheepish. “Sorry. I meant to ask. Can I borrow your PSP?”
Eunhyuk is torn between being a good dongsaeng and saying “I’m actually using it right now, doing very important things like possibly drawing retarded pictures to send Junsu, but maybe you can borrow Yesung’s” and “fuck no you downloaded porn-and it was bad porn on top of that!-onto it and now Sungmin won’t look me in the eye!”
“Er,” he says instead.
“Is that Teukie-hyung?” Donghae asks brightly. “Tell him, tell him now! ‘Stop embarrassing me, it gives me low self-esteem and then I can’t perform sexually and you don’t want to be responsible for that!’”
“What,” Eunhyuk gasps into his phone, forgetting temporarily about Leeteuk.
“Or something like that. It’ll make him feel guilty for sure.” Donghae sounds remorselessly cheerful.
“Have you…been spending too much time around Heechul-hyung? But, no, you’re in China, he’s here…” Eunhyuk makes a small, unhappy noise. His brain cannot comprehend the words coming out of Donghae’s mouth. But it only gets worse.
“Or you could suck him off. Bribery usually works.”
Leeteuk watches Eunhyuk sputter incoherently to himself for a minute or two, then steps fully into the room. He tilts his head curiously to one side, bangs falling in front of his eyes, asking, “Are you all right? What’s the matter?” Eunhyuk blames Donghae and his terrible suggestions (and probably also Heechul’s awful corrupting influence) when he can’t help but stare at Leeteuk’s mouth, so very pink and red inside. And when he catches himself staring, and flushes, he moves his eyes away but then he realizes he’s staring at Leeteuk’s crotch.
“I have to go,” Eunhyuk blurts into the phone and hangs up on Donghae.
“You’re very red,” Leeteuk observes.
“I’ve had a bad day.” Eunhyuk clears his throat nervously and looks at the older member, who has moved further into the room and is now standing beside Eunhyuk’s bed. “Hyung,” he starts. Leeteuk looks at him expectantly.
Eunhyuk tries not to think about Donghae’s misguided advice, or the porn Leeteuk watched earlier (that Eunhyuk only saw when he went to delete it) on his PSP, or the way Leeteuk is now licking his lips absentmindedly, leaving them damp and glistening.
“I wish- Can you- Um. I was really embarrassed today!”
Leeteuk continues staring at him, his expression saying something similar to “and this is different from every other day, how?”
“I wish you guys would stop embarrassing me!” Eunhyuk regrets his outburst almost as soon as it leaves his mouth. He should really never listen to Donghae. Why did he think it would be a good idea to listen to Donghae?
Leeteuk furrows his brow. “What do you mean?”
“Well-”
“Are we embarrassing you, Hyukkie?” Suddenly Leeteuk is all concern, resting a hip on Eunhyuk’s bed and leaning forward into Eunhyuk’s personal space. “Do you feel like it’s really getting you down? Do you think it’s too much? You haven’t had thoughts about killing yourself lately, have you? Or worse, killing us? Have we gone overboard? Do you need me to talk to Kangin and Heechul?”
He’s frowning and talking and still talking and Eunhyuk panics. He flails his hands a little and gasps, “No! Hyung! That’s not- Stop- No.”
“I can talk to Kangin and Heechul if you need me to,” Leeteuk says earnestly, eyes bright.
Eunhyuk can only imagine Heechul’s reaction. He tries not to. Desperate, he resorts to the only advice he’s gotten so far on the situation. “I’ll blow you if you stop!”
Leeteuk stops with his mouth open, and his eyes widen comically beneath his bangs.
Oh shit, thinks Eunhyuk.
--
Afterwards, Leeteuk says, breathily, “I guess I don’t need to borrow your PSP anymore.”
Eunhyuk turns his head into the pillow and mutters, “I deleted your porn already anyway.” But he’s too exhausted to work up much irritation as the sweat cools on his back.
Leeteuk curls up against him and smiles against Eunhyuk’s bare shoulder. “So I guess you don’t mind being embarrassed all the time?”
“What?” says Eunhyuk, because that’s definitely not the conclusion he reached.
“Well, I was offering solutions to ease up on your embarrassment, and you gave me a blowjob to make me stop. I figure that’s a pretty good indication that you want it to continue. It’s how bribery works,” he adds, as if he thinks Eunhyuk ought to know.
Eunhyuk wails, stricken, “I only wanted you to stop talking.”
“Well.” Leeteuk’s smile takes on a more definite wicked edge and his lashes lower over his eyes. His voice drops suggestively and slips his hand under the sheets. “Why don’t you convince me some more.”
--
(“By the way, I hate you,” Eunhyuk tells Donghae over their next phone call.
“I heard from Heechul that Teukie-hyung hasn’t slept in his own bed for the past two nights, so you must’ve gotten a lot of sex. I don’t think it’s very nice to hate someone who got you a lot of sex.”
Eunhyuk says, “Aha! I knew you were talking to Heechul! He’s the one corrupting you, isn’t he?”
Donghae laughs a little. “Actually, you’d be surprised.”
“Well then, who is it?”
“You know, Kyuhyun’s not nearly as innocent as we all think he is…”
“I think I’m going to hang up now,” Eunhyuk says, feeling a little queasy at the very idea. Not their magnae…
“Go forth and have lots of sex,” Donghae chirps at him. “I’ll be sure to mention that you’re getting lucky on SJM’s next interview!”
And Eunhyuk is deeply saddened by the fact that embarrassing him is evidently such a glorious pastime that none of his friends can quit it, even when in another country. Such is his life.)
--
Started: 06.09.08
Finished: 06.10.08