fuck
This, I haven't posted in a long time. Another post where I don't know what the fuck I'm doing.
I hate school... i can't bring myself to go to it. I understand why I should be going, but I would rather be doing something else. I haven't gone to a class in a week. And three of my classes I haven't been going to for two weeks. I should really go to my psych class. I can't stand to walk into that school anymore. I can't do it. I don't know what to do. Because I hate it. I just need to get out of here and I don't know how I could do that. I could just get up and leave and go to a place that I want to. But all I want to do is just crawl up into a little hole. I see no point. I just want to go to the gym and work out all day. all night. become anorexic and become famous like so many of those starlets who don't know how to deal with people adoring you and wishing that they were you. I'm just so bored with my life. I wish that I could change it. I just want something to happen, and apparently I have to make everything happen. I'm a nobody who works in a coffee shop. I can't deal with school. And all I want to do is just run. I just want to run away. I just want to live... but I feel like I can't. I feel constrained in this little box of a home and being shifted, pulled apart by all of those people that I love. Doing everything for everbody, trying to make everybody happy when I'm never happy. I can't deal with friends who are stupid, I don't want to make contact, I just want them to realize that they are pulling me apart every time that they do something stupid. Or people who always send empty messages to me. I just can't do it anymore. Its stupid stupid stupid. I just want to make movies and MOVE TO FUCKING HOLLYWOOD and have some god damn fun in my life. Get stressed out with deadlines and feel like I'm living. Because I don't feel anything right now, except for that hole that I'm burying myself into. six feet under and still digging.
I hate school... i can't bring myself to go to it. I understand why I should be going, but I would rather be doing something else. I haven't gone to a class in a week. And three of my classes I haven't been going to for two weeks. I should really go to my psych class. I can't stand to walk into that school anymore. I can't do it. I don't know what to do. Because I hate it. I just need to get out of here and I don't know how I could do that. I could just get up and leave and go to a place that I want to. But all I want to do is just crawl up into a little hole. I see no point. I just want to go to the gym and work out all day. all night. become anorexic and become famous like so many of those starlets who don't know how to deal with people adoring you and wishing that they were you. I'm just so bored with my life. I wish that I could change it. I just want something to happen, and apparently I have to make everything happen. I'm a nobody who works in a coffee shop. I can't deal with school. And all I want to do is just run. I just want to run away. I just want to live... but I feel like I can't. I feel constrained in this little box of a home and being shifted, pulled apart by all of those people that I love. Doing everything for everbody, trying to make everybody happy when I'm never happy. I can't deal with friends who are stupid, I don't want to make contact, I just want them to realize that they are pulling me apart every time that they do something stupid. Or people who always send empty messages to me. I just can't do it anymore. Its stupid stupid stupid. I just want to make movies and MOVE TO FUCKING HOLLYWOOD and have some god damn fun in my life. Get stressed out with deadlines and feel like I'm living. Because I don't feel anything right now, except for that hole that I'm burying myself into. six feet under and still digging.