In The Workplace ch, 21
In The Workplace ch. 21
Pairings: Reita/Uruha, Nao/Ruki, Shou/Kai, Hiroto/??, Aoi/??, Saga/??, Tora/??
Genre: Drama, romance, cross-over
Synopsis: personal lives of The Gazette/Alice Nine Disclaimer: I only own the story line. This here is a work of fiction. I do not own nor am affiliated with and PSC related. None of the events in this work of fiction are real.
comment: Sorry I'm super late with this update >.< But I'm posing in bulk today so you'll get to read to the end! Yay! ^.^ I got my internet back!
Shou’s POV
Who the hell does he think he is? Making me cause a scene like that…I don’t know why he can’t-
“Kohara! Kohara! Kohara get back here and listen to me!” It was him. My dearest boyfriend. My lovely little Kai chen. I wonder what words he had to say to me now. I stopped walking, turned about and waited for him to catch up.
Not even breaking a sweat, still breathing perfectly fine, and looking rather pissed in the face, he ran his hand through his hair and stared at me with intense dark eyes. I can tell her was trying to hold back his anger.
“What do you want Yutaka.” I asked, folding my arms across my chest and tilting my head to the side slightly, trying to read his thoughts.
“Will you just listen to me please?”
“Go on.”
“Maybe we should take some time apart. Until we can clear our heads and talk to each other without any yelling or name calling. I’d rather talk to you as an adult with respect and some dignity that stoop so low as to actually argue with you about something like this.”
“Stoop low? You mean as in my level?”
“See! That right there! That’s exactly what I’m talking about! We’re never gonna get anywhere if you can’t grow up. Stop being so petty all the damn time Kohara!”
“Maybe when you learn to understand what my feelings you can come talk to me. Don’t come at me, preaching respect and maturity when you’re not even mature enough to handle the truth, to listen to my side of the story, to try to understand how I feel.”
“Kohara please just-”
“No, let me speak this time Yutaka! You call me jealous? Well I can’t and wont deny it. I know I am. And how can you blame me? The way he calls when I’m asleep or not around, how he always emails you, the way he jumped up when you said you needed someone to perform at the concert, how he behaves around you, how he looks at you when we’re all together…He wants you, he loves you. You’re to oblivious to see it, but I’m not. The way I catch him glaring when we’re together and being all couple like…I’ve had enough of it. It’s him or me Yutaka. You can’t have us both without one of us -if not both of us- acting like childish, jealous school girls!”
“Kohara, you’re insane aren’t you? That man isn’t think about me or you. What’s past is past. Let it stay there. Just because I’m friends with the man doesn’t mean anything! I mean, for Christ’s sake! He has a family!” he threw his hands up in the air for dramatic effect. He began to pace in circles, trying to calm down.
“He wasn’t into women when he was fucking you so why the sudden change? To get back at you, make you jealous. Make you miss him perhaps?” I got closer to him, our noses touched. I glared into his eyes and spoke in a harsh, low whisper. “I’m not a fool, I know him and I know he works. I was a victim and you’re falling for the same bullshit act.”
“Oh come on Kohara-” I cut him off before he pissed me off even more.
“Stop being stupid and just-”
“You know what, I’m not gonna deal with this Kohara, not right now. Bye.”
“Oh so you’re just gonna walk away from me?!” He flashed me the peace sign and never looked back. I watched him walk down the hall. “Is it really over?” I whimpered slightly as I spoke, afraid I just lost the best thing I ever had.
I rush down the hall and found the bathroom. When I entered, it was empty. I locked myself in a stall, and realized I said I was going for a smoke. I don’t even smoke! And I know they all know that.
“Kohara…what have you done? Look at the mess you’ve made for yourself…How could you be so stupid?” I asked myself, banging my head on the stall. I regret everything I said to him. I feel so lost, empty and broken. And what hurts the most is the fact that he didn’t even look back.
It’s as if he wasn’t even fazed by it…
Kai’s POV
“Uh what happened?”
I looked up from some random papers I grabbed form a folder and started writing on. Who the hell disturbed my thoughts? No one has the right to ask such questions. Can’t they all see I’m troubled?
“I’m really bust right if you can’t see. So if you wouldn’t mind, I’d greatly appreciate it if everyone left me alone while I finish working.” I spat through clenched teeth. I was not in the mood to even talk right now.
I didn’t need to turned around and see their faces. I already know they’re pretty stunned. And any given day I’d care. But today…no. Today was different. I feel like I lost a very huge part of my life. In fact, I did.
Yeah, we haven’t been together for that long. But the time we have been was great. And no, we weren’t the perfect couple. We had our disagreements like everyone else. We made apologized and forgave each other. But what now?
Does he hate me for walking away? Is he still out in the hall, cursing me, damning me to hell? It feels like all the weight of the world is on me now. All the stress he’s help carry by my side, all the troubles and doubts he’s taken off my mind; it’s all returning. Everything. All. At. Once.
What should I do? I can’t sit here and take it out on my friends and associates. I can’t bottle up what I feel and keep my words to myself. Hell, I can’t go with my tail between my legs asking for Kohara to forgive me. I’m sure as hell not gonna beg him to take me back. Then what would I look like? A total ass.
“Leader sama, the other bands just arrived…Should we uh…”
“Spit it out Kouyou.”
“Should we continue the meeting? I mean, you don’t seem in the best of moods right now…”
“Send them in. We have business to take care of. As leader of the Gazette I have to overcome all obstacles. As a leader, I have to remain calm and strong under pressure. We’re going to do this. And we’re gonna do it the right way. My way.”
“Alright. You all heard the man. Send em up! We got business to discuss.”
I turned my head to find a smiling Kohara in the doorway. I couldn’t help the small smile that formed on my face. Everyone quickly sat in their proper seats with their own band. It was difficult to get Ruki away from Nao.
The meeting went smoothly. We all are officially on the same page and got everything worked out. I met and talked to the other band leaders and managers before the meeting was over and everyone left. I ran to the copy room and made copies of the schedule and set lists for everyone to have.
Of course, I stayed behind. I felt someone‘s hand on my shoulder. “I’ll be by your side no matter what.” I looked up to see Kohara. I smiled. “We’re leaders, I under stand the burden of that. It’s good to have someone who understands.”
“Yeah. Thanks Shou.”
“Shou…You haven’t called me that in a while.”
“Yeah I know. But it suits you.” I replied, hiding the one tear that managed to escape while I turned my back to him.
“Yes well…I’ll see you tomorrow night before we go on.”
“Oh, alright…bye.”
He stood there for a moment. We were both silent. We wanted to speak, but no words were spoken. I heard him turn and walk to the door. I didn’t hear him walk out. So I looked over my shoulder. He stood with his hand on the wall and eyes to the floor. I then realized that if I left him walk out that door, that’s it. It would all end right here.
I debated with myself. Should I stop him or let him go? But before I could speak up or even make a decision for that matter; he decided for the both of us…I heard his voice crack just a bit before my world crashed down around me.
“Goodbye Yutaka…”
Aoi’s POV
“Hey, Aoi sama! Yuji is treating me and Saga are for drinks later. Wanna come?” I turned to look at who spoke to me. It was Chiyu. I think it’s pretty awkward that Yuji is being so nice to us…
“Um, maybe next time? I’m gonna try to rest up for the concert. Beside, we’ll have to get to the venue early for practice. Don’t stay out too late.” I said, smirking towards Chiyu.
“Hey, your loss. More drinks for us!” he replied, nearly dancing down the hall in the opposite direction. Yuji and Saga followed suit, I kept walking towards the elevator. I got in and heard footsteps running behind me.
“Wait! Hold the door please!” A familiar voice shouted. I feared I knew who it was. When I stepped aside, holding the doors open, my fears were reality. Tora got in the elevator. We both reached for the lobby floor, but I moved my hands back as he was faster.
The doors closed and I moved to the back corner and avoided eye contact. I felt his eyes on me, so I looked up. He quickly averted his eyes. Not slick at all Torashi. The only way this could get more awkward is if Hiroto were here. Or Nao and Ruki were having another intense public display of affection.
“So…you guys are the headliners huh?” he asked, starting a conversation that I’d rather avoid.
“Yep.”
“Who’s the MC?”
“I don’t know. You’ll have to ask Kai about that.”
“I bet it’s all the band leaders.”
“The Gazette’s gonna take turns during our performance. At least that’s what Kai told me. We’ll probably say a few words between each song or just introduce the next one. I don’t know really.”
“Oh. Well, I’m sure it’s gonna be a great turnout.”
“Yeah, I’m kind of excited to be playing with all the different bands and possibly getting to MC. Are you nervous?” I didn’t realize I was getting more involved in the conversation.
“I’m actually really pumped. I can’t wait to get up on stage and do my best. I’ll give it my all and hope that everyone enjoys the performance. It’s gonna be hard to compete with all the talented acts, but I’ll still do my best to shine.” he said, looking far off into the distance with a sense of pride and a smile that nearly melted my heart.
“I’ve never heard you speak like that before.” I said, slightly shocked and impressed.
“I’m very passionate about everything I do. Especially when it comes to music. Be it performing, recording or even making up lyrics in my head on a walk.”
I smiled. I’m a moron. I still and feelings for him. Even if he hurt me. And he’s not helping me get over anything by being so…damn, I don’t even have a word. Amazing? Yea, I guess. For lack of a better word anyhow. But, Hiroto is too…Oh Lord I’m all screwed up over this.
Thank God the elevator ride was over. I darted out. “Hey Aoi, wait a second.” Shit.
“Yeah?” I slowly turned around and forced a smile. I can guarantee I looked very silly and uncomfortable.
“About what had happened…between us-”
“Oh it was nothing. It’s all in the past. It’s best if we don’t bring it up. Things are already pretty complicated for me right now and that would just add to the stress.”
“Okay well, I just wanted to apologize for being such a selfish, pathetic moron. What I did was wrong and I know it really hurt you and I hate myself for that. I regret ever letting it happen because it really hurt me too.”
I was quiet. How was I supposed to respond to that? “Shinji, I told you not to bring it up. I’m not gonna talk about-”
“I’m not asking you to.”
“Well, I’m not sure if I’m ready for this. I’ll see you tomorrow.” I walked away with mixed emotions. He sounded sincere, he even looked like he was sorry. But should I forgive him so easily? And what about Hiroto? I mean, I do like the guy. But, I rushed things with Tora and look where it got me. Hell, all I wanted was casual encouters and I ended up actually having feelings for the man.
You know what? Team single sounds real good right now. I wont have to worry about getting hurt. At least not as much as I would if I were with Tora or Hiroto. Maybe if I- The hell?!
“Aoi, don’t walk away from this.” When did he get so close to me? And why is he holding my hand? Oh hell; I’m so screwed. I know exactly what’s gonna happen… “Can we talk?”
“We talked. There’s nothing more to say. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“No, just listen. Stop running away, it’s not gonna solve anything. I can’t keep thinking about what I did and the guilt is killing me. All I need is your forgiveness and obviously you aren’t going to give in to me so easily. So, let’s talk.”
“Tora I said no-”
“I know you don’t want to talk about it. I know you probably can’t stand me and it’s awkward as hell talking to me. But I need to know if I can change your mind about me.”
“There’s nothing you can say-”
“Is there anything I can do? I need to make things right. At least forgive me so when I smile your way you at least look my way. I hate the fact that you can’t even look at me. Like now, you’re not even looking at me. You can’t see how desperate I am, the misery in my face, the hurt in my eyes Yuu!”
“You think you’re hurt?! You have no idea what I’ve been through because of you! I’m the one who was played! You ran off with the girl and left me looking like a damn fool! You hurt me in ways I never felt when you did that. I’m supposed to be Aoi the goofy, loveable, optimist! But because o what you did, I let me guard down. I was vulnerable. And I let my closest friends see me in a dark place. I lost my pride, dignity, and self respect all because of you! Don’t come here talking about pain. Because you have no idea what position I’m in!”
Only then did I look into his eyes and see tears. Only then did I realize he was hurt. Even thought I’m sure I was hurt more, and cried even more. And only then did I realize we were in the lobby and all the bands, including ours and few passersby saw and heard everything that went one.
I looked around at their faces. The surprise. The embarrassment. Only one person walked towards me; Hiroto. Shou tried to grab him, but he pulled away and kept walking. They all waited to see what would happen next. Even the random people walking around, trying to pretend to be interested in their paperwork of cell phones.
“Yuu?” his voice was soft. He grabbed my hand and soft pat my back. “Are you okay?”
“Hiroto…I- This is what I needed. I needed to tell him how I felt, how he’s impacted my life. I think now, Tora, you understand why I couldn’t forgive you. But now, I feel as if I regained my pride, dignity, and self respect. So…I forgive you. But this doesn’t mean you’re back in my good graces.”
“I understand.” those two words were all he said. He didn’t say anything more. But walked off. Past our friends, workers at the building, out the door. I watched him. A heavy feeling in my heart.
And for some reason known deep inside me, I ran after him. I couldn’t turn back and see all their faces. Especially Hiroto’s. I think they all knew what I was going to do. And I couldn’t risk seeing the pained faces.
“Shinji! Please wait!” I called after him. He slowly turned around and I ran to him, and embraced him. I cried that very moment. I let it all out.
“I thought I hated you. You hurt me so much and I fucking hated it. I wanted to hate you forever. I was so angry and jealous, I even wished that girl would get hit by a semi. But I was wrong. I still had feelings for you and it pained me to admit it but I feel so much better now. I never hated you at all, I was just brokenhearted and bitter. I felt betrayed but I didn’t hate you…” I spoke through tears and shaky breath.
“Yuu, you didn’t have to do this. It’s okay, you have every right to be angry, to hate me for what I did, and never speak to me again-”
“I’m not sure what I want exactly, but I know for sure that isn’t it.” I said, still clinging to him like a child to his mother. His arms wrapped around me and squeezed. Maybe this is what I wanted. What I needed. I guess I’ll find out.
Pairings: Reita/Uruha, Nao/Ruki, Shou/Kai, Hiroto/??, Aoi/??, Saga/??, Tora/??
Genre: Drama, romance, cross-over
Synopsis: personal lives of The Gazette/Alice Nine Disclaimer: I only own the story line. This here is a work of fiction. I do not own nor am affiliated with and PSC related. None of the events in this work of fiction are real.
comment: Sorry I'm super late with this update >.< But I'm posing in bulk today so you'll get to read to the end! Yay! ^.^ I got my internet back!
Shou’s POV
Who the hell does he think he is? Making me cause a scene like that…I don’t know why he can’t-
“Kohara! Kohara! Kohara get back here and listen to me!” It was him. My dearest boyfriend. My lovely little Kai chen. I wonder what words he had to say to me now. I stopped walking, turned about and waited for him to catch up.
Not even breaking a sweat, still breathing perfectly fine, and looking rather pissed in the face, he ran his hand through his hair and stared at me with intense dark eyes. I can tell her was trying to hold back his anger.
“What do you want Yutaka.” I asked, folding my arms across my chest and tilting my head to the side slightly, trying to read his thoughts.
“Will you just listen to me please?”
“Go on.”
“Maybe we should take some time apart. Until we can clear our heads and talk to each other without any yelling or name calling. I’d rather talk to you as an adult with respect and some dignity that stoop so low as to actually argue with you about something like this.”
“Stoop low? You mean as in my level?”
“See! That right there! That’s exactly what I’m talking about! We’re never gonna get anywhere if you can’t grow up. Stop being so petty all the damn time Kohara!”
“Maybe when you learn to understand what my feelings you can come talk to me. Don’t come at me, preaching respect and maturity when you’re not even mature enough to handle the truth, to listen to my side of the story, to try to understand how I feel.”
“Kohara please just-”
“No, let me speak this time Yutaka! You call me jealous? Well I can’t and wont deny it. I know I am. And how can you blame me? The way he calls when I’m asleep or not around, how he always emails you, the way he jumped up when you said you needed someone to perform at the concert, how he behaves around you, how he looks at you when we’re all together…He wants you, he loves you. You’re to oblivious to see it, but I’m not. The way I catch him glaring when we’re together and being all couple like…I’ve had enough of it. It’s him or me Yutaka. You can’t have us both without one of us -if not both of us- acting like childish, jealous school girls!”
“Kohara, you’re insane aren’t you? That man isn’t think about me or you. What’s past is past. Let it stay there. Just because I’m friends with the man doesn’t mean anything! I mean, for Christ’s sake! He has a family!” he threw his hands up in the air for dramatic effect. He began to pace in circles, trying to calm down.
“He wasn’t into women when he was fucking you so why the sudden change? To get back at you, make you jealous. Make you miss him perhaps?” I got closer to him, our noses touched. I glared into his eyes and spoke in a harsh, low whisper. “I’m not a fool, I know him and I know he works. I was a victim and you’re falling for the same bullshit act.”
“Oh come on Kohara-” I cut him off before he pissed me off even more.
“Stop being stupid and just-”
“You know what, I’m not gonna deal with this Kohara, not right now. Bye.”
“Oh so you’re just gonna walk away from me?!” He flashed me the peace sign and never looked back. I watched him walk down the hall. “Is it really over?” I whimpered slightly as I spoke, afraid I just lost the best thing I ever had.
I rush down the hall and found the bathroom. When I entered, it was empty. I locked myself in a stall, and realized I said I was going for a smoke. I don’t even smoke! And I know they all know that.
“Kohara…what have you done? Look at the mess you’ve made for yourself…How could you be so stupid?” I asked myself, banging my head on the stall. I regret everything I said to him. I feel so lost, empty and broken. And what hurts the most is the fact that he didn’t even look back.
It’s as if he wasn’t even fazed by it…
Kai’s POV
“Uh what happened?”
I looked up from some random papers I grabbed form a folder and started writing on. Who the hell disturbed my thoughts? No one has the right to ask such questions. Can’t they all see I’m troubled?
“I’m really bust right if you can’t see. So if you wouldn’t mind, I’d greatly appreciate it if everyone left me alone while I finish working.” I spat through clenched teeth. I was not in the mood to even talk right now.
I didn’t need to turned around and see their faces. I already know they’re pretty stunned. And any given day I’d care. But today…no. Today was different. I feel like I lost a very huge part of my life. In fact, I did.
Yeah, we haven’t been together for that long. But the time we have been was great. And no, we weren’t the perfect couple. We had our disagreements like everyone else. We made apologized and forgave each other. But what now?
Does he hate me for walking away? Is he still out in the hall, cursing me, damning me to hell? It feels like all the weight of the world is on me now. All the stress he’s help carry by my side, all the troubles and doubts he’s taken off my mind; it’s all returning. Everything. All. At. Once.
What should I do? I can’t sit here and take it out on my friends and associates. I can’t bottle up what I feel and keep my words to myself. Hell, I can’t go with my tail between my legs asking for Kohara to forgive me. I’m sure as hell not gonna beg him to take me back. Then what would I look like? A total ass.
“Leader sama, the other bands just arrived…Should we uh…”
“Spit it out Kouyou.”
“Should we continue the meeting? I mean, you don’t seem in the best of moods right now…”
“Send them in. We have business to take care of. As leader of the Gazette I have to overcome all obstacles. As a leader, I have to remain calm and strong under pressure. We’re going to do this. And we’re gonna do it the right way. My way.”
“Alright. You all heard the man. Send em up! We got business to discuss.”
I turned my head to find a smiling Kohara in the doorway. I couldn’t help the small smile that formed on my face. Everyone quickly sat in their proper seats with their own band. It was difficult to get Ruki away from Nao.
The meeting went smoothly. We all are officially on the same page and got everything worked out. I met and talked to the other band leaders and managers before the meeting was over and everyone left. I ran to the copy room and made copies of the schedule and set lists for everyone to have.
Of course, I stayed behind. I felt someone‘s hand on my shoulder. “I’ll be by your side no matter what.” I looked up to see Kohara. I smiled. “We’re leaders, I under stand the burden of that. It’s good to have someone who understands.”
“Yeah. Thanks Shou.”
“Shou…You haven’t called me that in a while.”
“Yeah I know. But it suits you.” I replied, hiding the one tear that managed to escape while I turned my back to him.
“Yes well…I’ll see you tomorrow night before we go on.”
“Oh, alright…bye.”
He stood there for a moment. We were both silent. We wanted to speak, but no words were spoken. I heard him turn and walk to the door. I didn’t hear him walk out. So I looked over my shoulder. He stood with his hand on the wall and eyes to the floor. I then realized that if I left him walk out that door, that’s it. It would all end right here.
I debated with myself. Should I stop him or let him go? But before I could speak up or even make a decision for that matter; he decided for the both of us…I heard his voice crack just a bit before my world crashed down around me.
“Goodbye Yutaka…”
Aoi’s POV
“Hey, Aoi sama! Yuji is treating me and Saga are for drinks later. Wanna come?” I turned to look at who spoke to me. It was Chiyu. I think it’s pretty awkward that Yuji is being so nice to us…
“Um, maybe next time? I’m gonna try to rest up for the concert. Beside, we’ll have to get to the venue early for practice. Don’t stay out too late.” I said, smirking towards Chiyu.
“Hey, your loss. More drinks for us!” he replied, nearly dancing down the hall in the opposite direction. Yuji and Saga followed suit, I kept walking towards the elevator. I got in and heard footsteps running behind me.
“Wait! Hold the door please!” A familiar voice shouted. I feared I knew who it was. When I stepped aside, holding the doors open, my fears were reality. Tora got in the elevator. We both reached for the lobby floor, but I moved my hands back as he was faster.
The doors closed and I moved to the back corner and avoided eye contact. I felt his eyes on me, so I looked up. He quickly averted his eyes. Not slick at all Torashi. The only way this could get more awkward is if Hiroto were here. Or Nao and Ruki were having another intense public display of affection.
“So…you guys are the headliners huh?” he asked, starting a conversation that I’d rather avoid.
“Yep.”
“Who’s the MC?”
“I don’t know. You’ll have to ask Kai about that.”
“I bet it’s all the band leaders.”
“The Gazette’s gonna take turns during our performance. At least that’s what Kai told me. We’ll probably say a few words between each song or just introduce the next one. I don’t know really.”
“Oh. Well, I’m sure it’s gonna be a great turnout.”
“Yeah, I’m kind of excited to be playing with all the different bands and possibly getting to MC. Are you nervous?” I didn’t realize I was getting more involved in the conversation.
“I’m actually really pumped. I can’t wait to get up on stage and do my best. I’ll give it my all and hope that everyone enjoys the performance. It’s gonna be hard to compete with all the talented acts, but I’ll still do my best to shine.” he said, looking far off into the distance with a sense of pride and a smile that nearly melted my heart.
“I’ve never heard you speak like that before.” I said, slightly shocked and impressed.
“I’m very passionate about everything I do. Especially when it comes to music. Be it performing, recording or even making up lyrics in my head on a walk.”
I smiled. I’m a moron. I still and feelings for him. Even if he hurt me. And he’s not helping me get over anything by being so…damn, I don’t even have a word. Amazing? Yea, I guess. For lack of a better word anyhow. But, Hiroto is too…Oh Lord I’m all screwed up over this.
Thank God the elevator ride was over. I darted out. “Hey Aoi, wait a second.” Shit.
“Yeah?” I slowly turned around and forced a smile. I can guarantee I looked very silly and uncomfortable.
“About what had happened…between us-”
“Oh it was nothing. It’s all in the past. It’s best if we don’t bring it up. Things are already pretty complicated for me right now and that would just add to the stress.”
“Okay well, I just wanted to apologize for being such a selfish, pathetic moron. What I did was wrong and I know it really hurt you and I hate myself for that. I regret ever letting it happen because it really hurt me too.”
I was quiet. How was I supposed to respond to that? “Shinji, I told you not to bring it up. I’m not gonna talk about-”
“I’m not asking you to.”
“Well, I’m not sure if I’m ready for this. I’ll see you tomorrow.” I walked away with mixed emotions. He sounded sincere, he even looked like he was sorry. But should I forgive him so easily? And what about Hiroto? I mean, I do like the guy. But, I rushed things with Tora and look where it got me. Hell, all I wanted was casual encouters and I ended up actually having feelings for the man.
You know what? Team single sounds real good right now. I wont have to worry about getting hurt. At least not as much as I would if I were with Tora or Hiroto. Maybe if I- The hell?!
“Aoi, don’t walk away from this.” When did he get so close to me? And why is he holding my hand? Oh hell; I’m so screwed. I know exactly what’s gonna happen… “Can we talk?”
“We talked. There’s nothing more to say. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“No, just listen. Stop running away, it’s not gonna solve anything. I can’t keep thinking about what I did and the guilt is killing me. All I need is your forgiveness and obviously you aren’t going to give in to me so easily. So, let’s talk.”
“Tora I said no-”
“I know you don’t want to talk about it. I know you probably can’t stand me and it’s awkward as hell talking to me. But I need to know if I can change your mind about me.”
“There’s nothing you can say-”
“Is there anything I can do? I need to make things right. At least forgive me so when I smile your way you at least look my way. I hate the fact that you can’t even look at me. Like now, you’re not even looking at me. You can’t see how desperate I am, the misery in my face, the hurt in my eyes Yuu!”
“You think you’re hurt?! You have no idea what I’ve been through because of you! I’m the one who was played! You ran off with the girl and left me looking like a damn fool! You hurt me in ways I never felt when you did that. I’m supposed to be Aoi the goofy, loveable, optimist! But because o what you did, I let me guard down. I was vulnerable. And I let my closest friends see me in a dark place. I lost my pride, dignity, and self respect all because of you! Don’t come here talking about pain. Because you have no idea what position I’m in!”
Only then did I look into his eyes and see tears. Only then did I realize he was hurt. Even thought I’m sure I was hurt more, and cried even more. And only then did I realize we were in the lobby and all the bands, including ours and few passersby saw and heard everything that went one.
I looked around at their faces. The surprise. The embarrassment. Only one person walked towards me; Hiroto. Shou tried to grab him, but he pulled away and kept walking. They all waited to see what would happen next. Even the random people walking around, trying to pretend to be interested in their paperwork of cell phones.
“Yuu?” his voice was soft. He grabbed my hand and soft pat my back. “Are you okay?”
“Hiroto…I- This is what I needed. I needed to tell him how I felt, how he’s impacted my life. I think now, Tora, you understand why I couldn’t forgive you. But now, I feel as if I regained my pride, dignity, and self respect. So…I forgive you. But this doesn’t mean you’re back in my good graces.”
“I understand.” those two words were all he said. He didn’t say anything more. But walked off. Past our friends, workers at the building, out the door. I watched him. A heavy feeling in my heart.
And for some reason known deep inside me, I ran after him. I couldn’t turn back and see all their faces. Especially Hiroto’s. I think they all knew what I was going to do. And I couldn’t risk seeing the pained faces.
“Shinji! Please wait!” I called after him. He slowly turned around and I ran to him, and embraced him. I cried that very moment. I let it all out.
“I thought I hated you. You hurt me so much and I fucking hated it. I wanted to hate you forever. I was so angry and jealous, I even wished that girl would get hit by a semi. But I was wrong. I still had feelings for you and it pained me to admit it but I feel so much better now. I never hated you at all, I was just brokenhearted and bitter. I felt betrayed but I didn’t hate you…” I spoke through tears and shaky breath.
“Yuu, you didn’t have to do this. It’s okay, you have every right to be angry, to hate me for what I did, and never speak to me again-”
“I’m not sure what I want exactly, but I know for sure that isn’t it.” I said, still clinging to him like a child to his mother. His arms wrapped around me and squeezed. Maybe this is what I wanted. What I needed. I guess I’ll find out.