post from long ago
I've figured out all of the discontent i've been feeling. I'm i apologize for venting and blaming it on people who didnt deserve it, like say my friends, many of whom are very supportive of me. The reason for the disconent is simple. I'm a very lonely person, not in the boo hoo sense of "I'm a very to myself type of person". When i was a kid i hatted talking to just about anyone, and couldnt stand most people including my family. Being like that wasnt satisfying or anything like that i just didnt like being social, and it was incredbly lonely and isolating not really having anyone to fall back on. It kind of shapped some of my better character traits but its always left me feeling alone in my life, like at the end of the day its me and just me. I spent a lot of my life after 13 trying to make for this by playing the part of someone social. I guess it wasnt a total ploy seeing as it was in fact driving by a sincere desire/need to conect to other people. Sometimes having friends feels that need to conect, but sometimes going home every night and feeling that lonely void is distressing and causes a great deal of anxiety. For instence i cant even go to sleep unless im thinking about some time in my life when i had real human effection and some sort of deep connection. So bassically ending everyday feeling isolated makes me depressed and gives me anxiety. For some reason having friends doesn't feel like enough to carry me through my end of day reflection right now and i feel like having some sort of deeper connection would help. Of course i assume i would get that out of a romantic relationship. Weither thats true or not i dunno but i at least want to try. Honestly i think if i lived with people i carred about who were just my friends i would feel better. LIke the time Krysta crashed at my house it felt so comforting going to sleep with just another entity next to me who i have a strong emotional connection to, and our connection is anything but romantic. I'd like to try a relationship though i suppose.
Yeah i never talk this much about myself and am never this revealing so if you read this i dunno, u know something about me a lot of other people never will.
....I couldn't agree more with everything he said, and thats my objective opinion as a citizen not as a member of any party or ideological faction.
Yeah i never talk this much about myself and am never this revealing so if you read this i dunno, u know something about me a lot of other people never will.
Click to view....I couldn't agree more with everything he said, and thats my objective opinion as a citizen not as a member of any party or ideological faction.