Musings...
Yesterday and today, I have been wondering, perhaps I really was pregnant, and had another very early loss? I mean, its a possibility. I was totally convinced I was pregnant, and even had my little pregnancy anomolie of a little black spot that I can see occaionally out of my right eye, that has so far only ever happened when I'm pregnant.
So, octopusgrrl asked me today, as I was musing to her in an email that AF was actually 2 days earlier than expected, if that was the case, would it make me feel any better or worse.
I've been thinking about it this afternoon, and I really think, if I had known for certain one way or the other, it would make me feel better.
If I WAS actually pregnant, and lost it very early, then I would have known for SURE that I wasn't imagining my symptoms. That would make me feel immensely better - make me feel like I'm not just a desperate-to-be-pregnant nut-job, who is forever thinking she is pregnant, but actually isn't!
But I guess I will never know.
I had a thought, that perhaps my 'pattern' is to lose two, then have 2 babies, lose two, then have another two babies.
Ok, obviously my mind is working overtime to try to justify what may or may not be going on in my body. I really do hate this!
I must try to post more regularly about happier things! Anyone reading would think that my life totally revolves around pregnancy. That isn't true at all! It just so happens that right now, I have nothing that I absolutely HAVE to be getting on with! I have done the HBA magazines for another 2 months. I have written and sent off my next LA letter, and am awaiting a reply from Sue. I techincally *should* be doing some reading - I haven't even finished The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding (terrible, I know!)
We have nearly got all of our new roof on - they just need to come back and finish off to ridging, flashing and plastering, then it will be all done! Like a bought one! :D Its looking great - I have taken lots of pictures - before and during. I will get around to posting them at some stage.
We are awaiting 4 new windows (kids bedrooms, our bedroom and toilet) and our new back door to replace out scummy old gappy french doors. Hopefully they will go in around the end of the month, or early March.
I have been eyeing up full sized baths on Trade Me - this one in particular I like - it will fit nicely and leave a little room between bath and toilet without us having to change the configuration of our bathroom. Only thing is, the waste will have to be moved - as our silly shub's waste is halfway along the bath at the side, not at the end under the taps like a NORMAL bath, of course! Just dreaming at the moment - but technically we might be able to afford it, if we can get one cheap enough, and get my uncle to do all the builder-type stuff - I imagine we would have to get a plumber out to move the waste pipe tho.
This morning when I got into the shower, the majority of one of the badly laid tiles fell at my feet in the tub, I could see then just how bad a job had been done - hardly anything holding it up at all - its little wonder half of them are cracked, falling out and generally looking revolting! If we do get that bath, it is the same height as the old one, just longer and a bit wider - and the tiles go all the way to the door frame - there would still be room for the bath - but I plan on re-tiling myself! When Morgan starts preschool, I have all manner of little projects that I have listed in my head to do without a helper.
Like:
re-tiling the bathroom
stripping the wallpaper in the lounge
repainting the kitchen/dining/lounge
stripping out the laundry and back toilet (currently a rather vomit-inducing shrek green!)
repainting the laundry - probably the same colour as the rest of the living space
maybe stripping some of the doors and door frames back, au natural - I hate that old houses like ours are covered in hideous paint, when there is all too often beautiful timber under it all!
Mum has offered us her dryer too - it is wall-mountable, and hardly used - she wants to GIVE it to us! So we will be able to sell our non-wall-mountable dryer, and create a little more floor space. We don't actually use a dryer heaps, but it is good to hae as a back-up! Especially in the middle of winter when we desperately need nappies!!! I'd also like to change the orientatin of the laundry - currently it gives us sod all room - if we turned it 90 degrees, we could fit so much more in! This would proably involve a new lundry tub - but new doesn't have to mean brand new - trade me is a treasure trove!!! :D Tho, this may involve moving a little bit of plumbing, and moving plumbing costs money!
Yes - I'm full of good ideas, aren't I?? :D
Anyway - I should really go to sleep, its about midnight, and I have to get up early tomorrow and bake.... or maybe go to the supermarket... probably end up being that one - for our LLL coffee morning at Valerie's house - and I'm picking up octopusgrrland Dali on the way too!
oh - and if you want to see what we did today - check out my photos on facebook! :D
So, octopusgrrl asked me today, as I was musing to her in an email that AF was actually 2 days earlier than expected, if that was the case, would it make me feel any better or worse.
I've been thinking about it this afternoon, and I really think, if I had known for certain one way or the other, it would make me feel better.
If I WAS actually pregnant, and lost it very early, then I would have known for SURE that I wasn't imagining my symptoms. That would make me feel immensely better - make me feel like I'm not just a desperate-to-be-pregnant nut-job, who is forever thinking she is pregnant, but actually isn't!
But I guess I will never know.
I had a thought, that perhaps my 'pattern' is to lose two, then have 2 babies, lose two, then have another two babies.
Ok, obviously my mind is working overtime to try to justify what may or may not be going on in my body. I really do hate this!
I must try to post more regularly about happier things! Anyone reading would think that my life totally revolves around pregnancy. That isn't true at all! It just so happens that right now, I have nothing that I absolutely HAVE to be getting on with! I have done the HBA magazines for another 2 months. I have written and sent off my next LA letter, and am awaiting a reply from Sue. I techincally *should* be doing some reading - I haven't even finished The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding (terrible, I know!)
We have nearly got all of our new roof on - they just need to come back and finish off to ridging, flashing and plastering, then it will be all done! Like a bought one! :D Its looking great - I have taken lots of pictures - before and during. I will get around to posting them at some stage.
We are awaiting 4 new windows (kids bedrooms, our bedroom and toilet) and our new back door to replace out scummy old gappy french doors. Hopefully they will go in around the end of the month, or early March.
I have been eyeing up full sized baths on Trade Me - this one in particular I like - it will fit nicely and leave a little room between bath and toilet without us having to change the configuration of our bathroom. Only thing is, the waste will have to be moved - as our silly shub's waste is halfway along the bath at the side, not at the end under the taps like a NORMAL bath, of course! Just dreaming at the moment - but technically we might be able to afford it, if we can get one cheap enough, and get my uncle to do all the builder-type stuff - I imagine we would have to get a plumber out to move the waste pipe tho.
This morning when I got into the shower, the majority of one of the badly laid tiles fell at my feet in the tub, I could see then just how bad a job had been done - hardly anything holding it up at all - its little wonder half of them are cracked, falling out and generally looking revolting! If we do get that bath, it is the same height as the old one, just longer and a bit wider - and the tiles go all the way to the door frame - there would still be room for the bath - but I plan on re-tiling myself! When Morgan starts preschool, I have all manner of little projects that I have listed in my head to do without a helper.
Like:
re-tiling the bathroom
stripping the wallpaper in the lounge
repainting the kitchen/dining/lounge
stripping out the laundry and back toilet (currently a rather vomit-inducing shrek green!)
repainting the laundry - probably the same colour as the rest of the living space
maybe stripping some of the doors and door frames back, au natural - I hate that old houses like ours are covered in hideous paint, when there is all too often beautiful timber under it all!
Mum has offered us her dryer too - it is wall-mountable, and hardly used - she wants to GIVE it to us! So we will be able to sell our non-wall-mountable dryer, and create a little more floor space. We don't actually use a dryer heaps, but it is good to hae as a back-up! Especially in the middle of winter when we desperately need nappies!!! I'd also like to change the orientatin of the laundry - currently it gives us sod all room - if we turned it 90 degrees, we could fit so much more in! This would proably involve a new lundry tub - but new doesn't have to mean brand new - trade me is a treasure trove!!! :D Tho, this may involve moving a little bit of plumbing, and moving plumbing costs money!
Yes - I'm full of good ideas, aren't I?? :D
Anyway - I should really go to sleep, its about midnight, and I have to get up early tomorrow and bake.... or maybe go to the supermarket... probably end up being that one - for our LLL coffee morning at Valerie's house - and I'm picking up octopusgrrland Dali on the way too!
oh - and if you want to see what we did today - check out my photos on facebook! :D