Bittersweet Love (2/?)
Title: Bittersweet Love (2/?)
Author:
chii_mao_13
Pairing: Yamachii, Yamashi
Rating: PG
Summary: To wish for the happiness of the one we love, sometimes we have to sacrifice. And even it means to sacrifice our own hearts.
Note:It's the next chapter of my very late birthday present to my friends who had their birthday on january, airichan24, siklomika, fifi1048, jumpfan128, harumi01, ymchii_01, and yamachiisuki.
Broken heart is always hurting like this. How much I tried to recall my sweet memories with him, it always ended up with bitter fact that I can’t be with him. Maybe it’s true that from the day I tried to confess to him, I should stop this feeling. But it grew bigger by itself day by day because at the same time I was able to stay by his side.
Since that day, Chinen had to let himself engraved more bittersweet memories on his mind everytime Yamada told him about how close Shida and he became. And as usual, Chinen was the one Yamada always asked whenever he planned his so called date with Shida. From picking clothes, arranging the whole day, asking for recommendation and even arranging the lines in case he confessed to Shida someday.
The smile curved on his lips whenever Yamada talked about Shida was no longer his true smile, a happy smile. At the same time he wanted to end all of it, he realized that it would also mean that he wouldn’t be able to stay beside Yamada anymore. He didn’t want to lose the warmness when Yamada’s palm patted his head. He didn’t want to lose the fast heartbeat Yamada caused whenever he smiled to him. And he didn’t want to lose Yamada’s presence on his side.
But the time went on, and finally he knew, he had to make a decision.
Chinen was taking a rest after his athletic club practice when he heard Shida was talking with her friends.
“I’m sure that he likes you. Have some confidence, Mi-chan..” It was Ohgo’s voice.
“But…”
“No more but. You have to confess to him.”
Chinen closed his eyes and released a heavy sigh. He knew they were talking about Yamada.
“You’ve introduced him to your mom right? And I bet your mom asked you to make him your boyfriend.” It was Yuki’s voice now.
“How could you know?”
“Instinct.” Then they laughed together.
Chinen had known about this thing. Last week Yamada told him that Shida introduced him to her mom when he escorted her after their date in the planetarium.
“So, back to the topic. Why didn’t you confess to him? What made you feel hesitant? You’ve liked him since half a year ago right?”
Chinen’s eyes widened. He bit his lower lip. He got another fact now.
“Umm... That’s true. It’s just… I still can’t believe it. For all this time, I could only watch him, and now, he is on my reach. It feels like a miracle happens to me.”
A single tear dropped to Chinen’s cheek as he heard Shida’s statement. And when he saw Yamada’s figure from afar, he knew he should go now. He must be waiting for Shida so that they could go home together. He put his things into his bag, and silently walked away from that place. Meanwhile, Shida was still talking with her friends.
“Look, he comes for you, Mi-chan. You should be hurry.”
Shida turned her head and found Yamada walked to her. She waved her hand.
“Still feel hesitant to confess?” Ohgo asked her.
Shida replied with a smile. “Somehow, I feel hesitant that he really likes me… Just somehow…” She mumbled.
Seeing from afar how Yamada and Shida walking beside each other, for the nth time Chinen could only gulp the bitterness. Every story had its end. And no exception for his story. This time Chinen realized, he had no other ending beside a sad one.
Chinen closed his eyes and released a deep breath. His gaze became softened, and he smiled. Contrast with it, he let his tears dropped on his cheeks. Yamada would no longer need him by his side. He’d have Shida soon. And she was the source of his happiness. Looking at them, Chinen realizes the time to say goodbye to his bittersweet love is about to come
The more I stayed beside him, the more I couldn’t stop my love for him. Although I knew his love was not for me, I couldn’t help it. The more I talked to him, the more this feeling grew stronger. Sometimes I asked myself, why I willed myself to help him. But I know there was one and only reason behind it. To see his smile and his happiness.
But I’m just an ordinary human. I can still feel the pain knowing that I’m not the source of his happiness. And when I can no longer hold this pain, maybe I should erase my own presence slowly from this bittersweet memory.
Chinen didn’t have to wait longer. That night, Yamada called him. As soon as Chinen picked it up, Yamada started the conversation straight to the topic.
“Chinen, listen. Shida asked me to go with her to the aquarium next Sunday. She said that she wants to ask me something important!”
With that, Chinen knew it was the time. Shida would confess her love to Yamada. He curved a bitter smile on his lips.
“Ah I see. She’ll confess to you right?”
“Actually I can’t put my hope that high, but I have a feeling that she likes me too!” From Yamada’s voice, Chinen could tell that he felt so happy right now.
Chinen held his tears.
“If she doesn’t, you have to tell her soon before everything turns unexpectedly.” Chinen said weakly.
“What do you mean?”
“I’m sure she’ll be happy if you confess to her, Yamada. I’ll be happy for you.”
“Thanks, Chinen. Again and again, I don’t know what it will turn to be if you’re not around.”
“And thanks for everything too, Yamada.” Chinen finally let the tears to drop to his face. He had made a final decision.
“Eh? For what?”
“I’m happy I could spend my time with you. But from now on you have to do the rest by yourself. I know you can do it.”
“What do you mean? What happens to you?” Yamada’s worried voice could be heard clearly by Chinen. But Chinen just smiled in agony.
“I don’t want to interfere with your love life later, so I think I have to say something to you now.” Chinen ignored Yamada’s questions. “Actually what I wanted to say that day in the backyard wasn’t that. I have lied to you, pretending that I know you love Shida.” Chinen took a deep breath before continued it with the words he’d longed to say. “Yamada, daisuki da yo.”
In other side, Yamada’s eyes widen due to his shock. “Eh?”
“I hope you’ll be happy with Shida, and build a lovely relationship with her.” Chinen added. “Sayonara.”
Yamada could no longer speak to Chinen because Chinen immediately hung it up, leaving many questions on Yamada’s mind.
***
And since that day, Chinen kept avoiding Yamada. He changed his mail address, and averted Yamada’s eyes everytime they met. If Yamada accidentally caught his eyes, he’d just say a greeting and then immediately went away from him. It was not that he hated Yamada or what, but he still wanted to arrange his heart. He had to accept the fact that the one who’d be beside Yamada from now on wasn’t him.
He was still an ordinary human after all. Having a broken heart could make him felt down.
***
It was Sunday. The day Yamada had a ‘date’ with Shida. They’d be a new couple, and yet Chinen still hadn’t been able to erase Yamada from his mind. In the club practice, he made himself busy so that he wouldn’t have any random thought everytime he saw Shida. She was a kind girl, and Chinen respected her. She was his friend, and the fact that his crush dated her wouldn’t change anything.
He didn’t want to be haunted by the thought of Yamada would no longer be single anymore today, and therefore accepted his sister’s offer to go to the amusement park. His sister, Saaya, knew what has happened to his little brother, and she wanted to cheer him.
So, there he was, queuing in front of the ferris wheel. Alone. 30 minutes ago Saaya got a call from her old friend, telling her that she spotted her in the amusement park and wanted to meet her. Therefore she left Chinen for an hour although she worried Chinen would be alone. Chinen reassured Saaya that he’d be okay, and would wait for her while trying the ferris wheel.
Chinen was too busy with his mind, until he didn’t realize that there were some people he knew were in the same place as him.
Shida frowned when seeing Yamada seriously glued his gaze to a spot. They should go to a date in the aquarium, but Ohgo told Shida that there’d be a new attraction opened in the amusement park this Sunday, so they changed the plan.
“What’s wrong?” She asked. Yamada finally realized that he nearly dozed off. He smiled and turned his head to Shida.
“Nothing.”
Yamada was sure he saw Chinen’s figure among the long line in front of the ferris wheel.
“You’ve been acting strange these past few days. Something troubles you?” Shida asked again. Since he knew that Chinen liked him, somehow Yamada felt he had to talk to Chinen. But Chinen kept avoiding him, and even ignored his call. He had to admit that uneasiness took control of him since that day.
Yamada shook his head. “Nothing.” He flashed a smile. But he immediately flied his gaze to that spot again, tried to find out the same figure he saw earlier. Shida took a glance at him and sighed. As she looked at the same spot, she knew the reason behind Yamada’s strange behavior.
“Chinen, right?” She mumbled. Yamada turned his head again.
“Eh?” He couldn’t hear Shida’s voice. But Shida just looked at her phone.
“I’ll go meet Ohgo-chan for 30 minutes. Looks like she’s here too. You can wait here. Is it okay?” She looks at Yamada. Yamada nodded. He kept silent as watching Shida walked away. But then he turned his head back, and saw that Chinen was about to enter the cabin. Ignoring his surroundings, Yamada ran towards him and jumped the queue. Before the door being closed, Yamada entered the cabin with Chinen.
“Yamada?” Chinen was shock Yamada suddenly appeared and forced to enter the cabin with him. The door closed, and Chinen had no choice other than letting himself trapped there with Yamada.
Yamada still tried to catch the air, letting Chinen’s face plastered with a confused expression.
“Finally you look at me again.” Yamada started when he had feel relax. Chinen widened his eyes. “You’ve been avoiding me.” He talked straight to the point.
Chinen averted his gaze. “It’s nothing.” But when he looked through the window and spotted Shida, he turned his head to Yamada. “Wait. Why did you come here? You’re supposed to date her in the aquarium…” He looked at Yamada with unbelief look.
“We changed the plan.” Yamada simply answered.
“And now why did you leave her?”
“She said she wants to meet Ohgo for 30 minutes.”
Chinen curved a bitter smile on his lips. For a moment, he really wished Yamada would mention him as his reason leaving Shida.
“But I bet she did that because she knew that I want to talk to you.”
Chinen stopped moving. Slowly, he moved his eyes, took a glance at Yamada. Yamada stared at him, and it made his heartbeats leaped uncontrollably. Nervously, he turned his head at other side, looked at the window. “What do you want to talk with me?”
Yamada froze. Although he wanted to talk with Chinen, he didn’t know what he was going to talk about. Somehow, he just wanted to hear Chinen’s voice, doing some conversations with him.
“I…”
Chinen took a swift glance again at Yamada. The silence made a jab to Chinen’s heart. He didn’t want Yamada to come to him just because he felt pity. And when Yamada didn’t even know what he would talk about with him, for Chinen, it implied that he just felt a sort of guilty.
After a while of awkward silence, Chinen started to speak.
“You don’t have to force yourself to say something to me.” He smiled to Yamada. He meant it. He didn’t want to force Yamada, because it would just make him looked miserable.
Yamada immediately looked at Chinen. “I don’t force myself.”
Chinen sighed and looked at the window again. He supposed to be happy for being able to stay with Yamada, just two of them, on the ferris wheel. But…
“So, what about Shida? Has she confessed to you?” Chinen tried to start a new topic.
Yamada shook his head. “She hasn’t.”
Chinen blinked several times, preventing his eyes to produce the familiar liquid. He knew, this topic would break his heart.
“Why didn’t you confess to her?”
Yamada didn’t answer this straightly. He kept looking at Chinen. The latter just rolled his eyes to every direction nervously.
“Why did you ask about it? I swear I heard you say that you like me.”
Yamada brought the topic Chinen really didn’t want to hear.
“So? I just want to ask you that. It has no business with it right?” He weakly asked back. Chinen just didn’t want to hear Yamada’s rejection. At this time, it would hurt his heart more. He had felt hurt all this time, and he didn’t want it to be bigger.
“Hmm... Yeah…” Yamada scratched his head. Somehow this situation was too awkward for him too. The answer for Chinen’s question, Yamada himself didn’t know. He was sure he wanted to confess to Shida. But he wasn’t that eager now. The question left on his mind was just… why?
They spent the time remained in silence. They were busy with their own thoughts. No one tried to bring new topic, because they realized, no matter what was the topic they brought, it would turn into an awkward conversation like this.
But when they were about to reach the land again, Chinen started it.
“Yamada.” He called, and Yamada immediately looked at him. “Please… be happy. Be yourself, and face Shida properly. Show her your feeling. She has admitted that she likes you too. Now, be a gentleman as how you always do, and make her happy too. Good luck.” He ended it with a smile, and made Yamada startled.
Chinen stood and walked toward the door. The door was opened, and Chinen quickly jumped out from the cabin. He walked away as fast as he could.
Yamada walked out of the cabin. He was left there with another uneasy feeling conquered his heart as he watched Chinen’s figure went further.
Continue...
Comment = <3
=)
Author:
chii_mao_13
Pairing: Yamachii, Yamashi
Rating: PG
Summary: To wish for the happiness of the one we love, sometimes we have to sacrifice. And even it means to sacrifice our own hearts.
Note:It's the next chapter of my very late birthday present to my friends who had their birthday on january, airichan24, siklomika, fifi1048, jumpfan128, harumi01, ymchii_01, and yamachiisuki.
Broken heart is always hurting like this. How much I tried to recall my sweet memories with him, it always ended up with bitter fact that I can’t be with him. Maybe it’s true that from the day I tried to confess to him, I should stop this feeling. But it grew bigger by itself day by day because at the same time I was able to stay by his side.
Since that day, Chinen had to let himself engraved more bittersweet memories on his mind everytime Yamada told him about how close Shida and he became. And as usual, Chinen was the one Yamada always asked whenever he planned his so called date with Shida. From picking clothes, arranging the whole day, asking for recommendation and even arranging the lines in case he confessed to Shida someday.
The smile curved on his lips whenever Yamada talked about Shida was no longer his true smile, a happy smile. At the same time he wanted to end all of it, he realized that it would also mean that he wouldn’t be able to stay beside Yamada anymore. He didn’t want to lose the warmness when Yamada’s palm patted his head. He didn’t want to lose the fast heartbeat Yamada caused whenever he smiled to him. And he didn’t want to lose Yamada’s presence on his side.
But the time went on, and finally he knew, he had to make a decision.
Chinen was taking a rest after his athletic club practice when he heard Shida was talking with her friends.
“I’m sure that he likes you. Have some confidence, Mi-chan..” It was Ohgo’s voice.
“But…”
“No more but. You have to confess to him.”
Chinen closed his eyes and released a heavy sigh. He knew they were talking about Yamada.
“You’ve introduced him to your mom right? And I bet your mom asked you to make him your boyfriend.” It was Yuki’s voice now.
“How could you know?”
“Instinct.” Then they laughed together.
Chinen had known about this thing. Last week Yamada told him that Shida introduced him to her mom when he escorted her after their date in the planetarium.
“So, back to the topic. Why didn’t you confess to him? What made you feel hesitant? You’ve liked him since half a year ago right?”
Chinen’s eyes widened. He bit his lower lip. He got another fact now.
“Umm... That’s true. It’s just… I still can’t believe it. For all this time, I could only watch him, and now, he is on my reach. It feels like a miracle happens to me.”
A single tear dropped to Chinen’s cheek as he heard Shida’s statement. And when he saw Yamada’s figure from afar, he knew he should go now. He must be waiting for Shida so that they could go home together. He put his things into his bag, and silently walked away from that place. Meanwhile, Shida was still talking with her friends.
“Look, he comes for you, Mi-chan. You should be hurry.”
Shida turned her head and found Yamada walked to her. She waved her hand.
“Still feel hesitant to confess?” Ohgo asked her.
Shida replied with a smile. “Somehow, I feel hesitant that he really likes me… Just somehow…” She mumbled.
Seeing from afar how Yamada and Shida walking beside each other, for the nth time Chinen could only gulp the bitterness. Every story had its end. And no exception for his story. This time Chinen realized, he had no other ending beside a sad one.
Chinen closed his eyes and released a deep breath. His gaze became softened, and he smiled. Contrast with it, he let his tears dropped on his cheeks. Yamada would no longer need him by his side. He’d have Shida soon. And she was the source of his happiness. Looking at them, Chinen realizes the time to say goodbye to his bittersweet love is about to come
The more I stayed beside him, the more I couldn’t stop my love for him. Although I knew his love was not for me, I couldn’t help it. The more I talked to him, the more this feeling grew stronger. Sometimes I asked myself, why I willed myself to help him. But I know there was one and only reason behind it. To see his smile and his happiness.
But I’m just an ordinary human. I can still feel the pain knowing that I’m not the source of his happiness. And when I can no longer hold this pain, maybe I should erase my own presence slowly from this bittersweet memory.
Chinen didn’t have to wait longer. That night, Yamada called him. As soon as Chinen picked it up, Yamada started the conversation straight to the topic.
“Chinen, listen. Shida asked me to go with her to the aquarium next Sunday. She said that she wants to ask me something important!”
With that, Chinen knew it was the time. Shida would confess her love to Yamada. He curved a bitter smile on his lips.
“Ah I see. She’ll confess to you right?”
“Actually I can’t put my hope that high, but I have a feeling that she likes me too!” From Yamada’s voice, Chinen could tell that he felt so happy right now.
Chinen held his tears.
“If she doesn’t, you have to tell her soon before everything turns unexpectedly.” Chinen said weakly.
“What do you mean?”
“I’m sure she’ll be happy if you confess to her, Yamada. I’ll be happy for you.”
“Thanks, Chinen. Again and again, I don’t know what it will turn to be if you’re not around.”
“And thanks for everything too, Yamada.” Chinen finally let the tears to drop to his face. He had made a final decision.
“Eh? For what?”
“I’m happy I could spend my time with you. But from now on you have to do the rest by yourself. I know you can do it.”
“What do you mean? What happens to you?” Yamada’s worried voice could be heard clearly by Chinen. But Chinen just smiled in agony.
“I don’t want to interfere with your love life later, so I think I have to say something to you now.” Chinen ignored Yamada’s questions. “Actually what I wanted to say that day in the backyard wasn’t that. I have lied to you, pretending that I know you love Shida.” Chinen took a deep breath before continued it with the words he’d longed to say. “Yamada, daisuki da yo.”
In other side, Yamada’s eyes widen due to his shock. “Eh?”
“I hope you’ll be happy with Shida, and build a lovely relationship with her.” Chinen added. “Sayonara.”
Yamada could no longer speak to Chinen because Chinen immediately hung it up, leaving many questions on Yamada’s mind.
***
And since that day, Chinen kept avoiding Yamada. He changed his mail address, and averted Yamada’s eyes everytime they met. If Yamada accidentally caught his eyes, he’d just say a greeting and then immediately went away from him. It was not that he hated Yamada or what, but he still wanted to arrange his heart. He had to accept the fact that the one who’d be beside Yamada from now on wasn’t him.
He was still an ordinary human after all. Having a broken heart could make him felt down.
***
It was Sunday. The day Yamada had a ‘date’ with Shida. They’d be a new couple, and yet Chinen still hadn’t been able to erase Yamada from his mind. In the club practice, he made himself busy so that he wouldn’t have any random thought everytime he saw Shida. She was a kind girl, and Chinen respected her. She was his friend, and the fact that his crush dated her wouldn’t change anything.
He didn’t want to be haunted by the thought of Yamada would no longer be single anymore today, and therefore accepted his sister’s offer to go to the amusement park. His sister, Saaya, knew what has happened to his little brother, and she wanted to cheer him.
So, there he was, queuing in front of the ferris wheel. Alone. 30 minutes ago Saaya got a call from her old friend, telling her that she spotted her in the amusement park and wanted to meet her. Therefore she left Chinen for an hour although she worried Chinen would be alone. Chinen reassured Saaya that he’d be okay, and would wait for her while trying the ferris wheel.
Chinen was too busy with his mind, until he didn’t realize that there were some people he knew were in the same place as him.
Shida frowned when seeing Yamada seriously glued his gaze to a spot. They should go to a date in the aquarium, but Ohgo told Shida that there’d be a new attraction opened in the amusement park this Sunday, so they changed the plan.
“What’s wrong?” She asked. Yamada finally realized that he nearly dozed off. He smiled and turned his head to Shida.
“Nothing.”
Yamada was sure he saw Chinen’s figure among the long line in front of the ferris wheel.
“You’ve been acting strange these past few days. Something troubles you?” Shida asked again. Since he knew that Chinen liked him, somehow Yamada felt he had to talk to Chinen. But Chinen kept avoiding him, and even ignored his call. He had to admit that uneasiness took control of him since that day.
Yamada shook his head. “Nothing.” He flashed a smile. But he immediately flied his gaze to that spot again, tried to find out the same figure he saw earlier. Shida took a glance at him and sighed. As she looked at the same spot, she knew the reason behind Yamada’s strange behavior.
“Chinen, right?” She mumbled. Yamada turned his head again.
“Eh?” He couldn’t hear Shida’s voice. But Shida just looked at her phone.
“I’ll go meet Ohgo-chan for 30 minutes. Looks like she’s here too. You can wait here. Is it okay?” She looks at Yamada. Yamada nodded. He kept silent as watching Shida walked away. But then he turned his head back, and saw that Chinen was about to enter the cabin. Ignoring his surroundings, Yamada ran towards him and jumped the queue. Before the door being closed, Yamada entered the cabin with Chinen.
“Yamada?” Chinen was shock Yamada suddenly appeared and forced to enter the cabin with him. The door closed, and Chinen had no choice other than letting himself trapped there with Yamada.
Yamada still tried to catch the air, letting Chinen’s face plastered with a confused expression.
“Finally you look at me again.” Yamada started when he had feel relax. Chinen widened his eyes. “You’ve been avoiding me.” He talked straight to the point.
Chinen averted his gaze. “It’s nothing.” But when he looked through the window and spotted Shida, he turned his head to Yamada. “Wait. Why did you come here? You’re supposed to date her in the aquarium…” He looked at Yamada with unbelief look.
“We changed the plan.” Yamada simply answered.
“And now why did you leave her?”
“She said she wants to meet Ohgo for 30 minutes.”
Chinen curved a bitter smile on his lips. For a moment, he really wished Yamada would mention him as his reason leaving Shida.
“But I bet she did that because she knew that I want to talk to you.”
Chinen stopped moving. Slowly, he moved his eyes, took a glance at Yamada. Yamada stared at him, and it made his heartbeats leaped uncontrollably. Nervously, he turned his head at other side, looked at the window. “What do you want to talk with me?”
Yamada froze. Although he wanted to talk with Chinen, he didn’t know what he was going to talk about. Somehow, he just wanted to hear Chinen’s voice, doing some conversations with him.
“I…”
Chinen took a swift glance again at Yamada. The silence made a jab to Chinen’s heart. He didn’t want Yamada to come to him just because he felt pity. And when Yamada didn’t even know what he would talk about with him, for Chinen, it implied that he just felt a sort of guilty.
After a while of awkward silence, Chinen started to speak.
“You don’t have to force yourself to say something to me.” He smiled to Yamada. He meant it. He didn’t want to force Yamada, because it would just make him looked miserable.
Yamada immediately looked at Chinen. “I don’t force myself.”
Chinen sighed and looked at the window again. He supposed to be happy for being able to stay with Yamada, just two of them, on the ferris wheel. But…
“So, what about Shida? Has she confessed to you?” Chinen tried to start a new topic.
Yamada shook his head. “She hasn’t.”
Chinen blinked several times, preventing his eyes to produce the familiar liquid. He knew, this topic would break his heart.
“Why didn’t you confess to her?”
Yamada didn’t answer this straightly. He kept looking at Chinen. The latter just rolled his eyes to every direction nervously.
“Why did you ask about it? I swear I heard you say that you like me.”
Yamada brought the topic Chinen really didn’t want to hear.
“So? I just want to ask you that. It has no business with it right?” He weakly asked back. Chinen just didn’t want to hear Yamada’s rejection. At this time, it would hurt his heart more. He had felt hurt all this time, and he didn’t want it to be bigger.
“Hmm... Yeah…” Yamada scratched his head. Somehow this situation was too awkward for him too. The answer for Chinen’s question, Yamada himself didn’t know. He was sure he wanted to confess to Shida. But he wasn’t that eager now. The question left on his mind was just… why?
They spent the time remained in silence. They were busy with their own thoughts. No one tried to bring new topic, because they realized, no matter what was the topic they brought, it would turn into an awkward conversation like this.
But when they were about to reach the land again, Chinen started it.
“Yamada.” He called, and Yamada immediately looked at him. “Please… be happy. Be yourself, and face Shida properly. Show her your feeling. She has admitted that she likes you too. Now, be a gentleman as how you always do, and make her happy too. Good luck.” He ended it with a smile, and made Yamada startled.
Chinen stood and walked toward the door. The door was opened, and Chinen quickly jumped out from the cabin. He walked away as fast as he could.
Yamada walked out of the cabin. He was left there with another uneasy feeling conquered his heart as he watched Chinen’s figure went further.
Continue...
Comment = <3
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