Go ahead, read it.

[chickit]

So yeah. This is gonna create alota akwardness... so we were just having fun. I was learning. Yeah i forgot lesson one: how not to actually like the person, if they are gonna piss on you in the end *not litterally*. All cuz he has a girlfriend. How could i be so simple minded? To actually like someone, who had no genuine feelings towards me, other than, i dunno, a barrel of laughs, and a person who feels so ashamed of her body, that everytime someone comes near, i shutter and hide, and i didn't this time. I don't even know what i'm saying, but the tears come. I said i would never cry over something like this, especially not over a guy, none the less a guy i wasn't even anything more than a friend. Which hurts even more. I was so stupid. So fucking stupid. They say everthing happens in 3's. Well this is the 3rd honest time my heart feels as if its been ripped outa my chest, stomped on, and taken away, and all that's left, is a hole, that grows every time. Now i can hardly wait till he reads this, oh i can imagine the shock and awe... the stupid student fell for the teacher... go fucking figure. If i had a hole i could dig myself into, and pour the soil over me i would. I feel betrayed, i feel alone, i feel empty. And most of all i feel stupid, a: for actually not telling him and b: for actually feeling something. I need to change alota shit around in my life... and that might start with actually becoming someone i might be able to look in the mirror, and not cry out of anger of ugliness, i hate my body, i hate whats been done to it, i hate what i've let happen to it. You know whats funny? He asked me why i always laughed, and i told him its cuz hes the only guy i've ever felt comfy with... i don't ever think i'll let myself laugh again, cuz laughing stabbed me in the back. This is one time i can honestly say 'bad llama' not for being dirrty, or being there for me, or making my friends believe that there was something there. But for making me hurt more than you'll ever know. I don't even think bad llama covers the pain. I don't mean to cause you grief, or even a little guilt. This is more of a permanent reminder of my stupidity. So that I will never feel this way for someone, ever again in my life. Cuz i can't lose any more of the hole in where my heart used to be. It hurts to bad. It just hurts.

Sincerely
The idiot known as lemming.