LOCO

[chickenvoices]

The last few days have been great...I think for the most part because I haven’t had to work for the three days, nate spent the night at my house three days in a row and it was fun to see him when I got home from work and fall into his arms while solomon was running to the store to purchase beer for our consumption...I have been feeling really bad the last few weeks and maybe it is the weather or maybe it is the holiday or maybe I just feel a complete lack of purpose, I had a break down a week or so ago where...I sat on the edge of my bed and just cried and cried, so much that when I got to work the next day my boss thought that I had been crying just a few minutes before I walked in the door...and how do I explain to people that I don’t even know that well that I don’t want to spend the rest of my life working for *V**A you know what I mean...so I thought for along time about all the things that have being bothering me: the fact that my car doest run that well, the fact that I always don’t have any money, for the fact that I don’t feel like im doing anything engaging with my life...things along that line and I decided after a short car ride to Merritt’s that I was going to do something about it, because I know that I want to go back to school...I want to go to the institute opening but I wont get to for another 2 years so I decided that I would take a class in spring maybe a night class probably English...I just cant live in this fucking house for the rest of my life and not do anything that causes me debate, and freedom intellectually...so yes, that is my plan taking a night class and working...i dont know it doest seem like much but atleast it is something instead of nothing.
Otherwise im just getting ready for my trip to BAMA...i have mixed feeling about it, but atleast it wont be as desenstized as i planned christmas to be...
Sometimes i feel alone...
And sometimes i feel so consumed with happiness....

megan
xxxx