urghhh

[chickenheadd]

its been so long that i havent written that i feel like there is too much to catch up with. lets see..... our sixth months was last thursday. it was wonderful, we went out to eat and then went where we went on our first date, the beach. it was freezing and we ended up chillin in the car most of the time, but it was still wonderful. he really doesnt know how much i love him. i wish there was a way of hi knowing without telling him. so, we are doing great. he's been an angel for the last 2 weeks. he's been sweet, considerate, caring.... he touches me differently now. he treats me.... like he loves me. but im still not sure. i dont know if it's because he has problems talking to me about that kind of stuff or what, but i wish he would just tell me how he feels instead of leaving me hanging. ive been so happy recently though, he has made me even happier. things just keep getting better and i dont know how to deal. ive never loved someone before and it's kinda scary. its frightening to think that i could lose that. we gave each other things to work on and so yesterday i showed drastic improvement and expected him to do the same, but i was wrong. a few days ago, he said "to mi amor" (you're my love) to me and told me to figure it out. i knew what it meant after i asked my brother to translate, but told him that i didnt because i wanted to hear him say it to me. i begged him to tell me until yesterday when he finally got upset and told me and by then, he said it in an upset way and didnt sound like he meant it. i dont know, maybe that's part of his 'talking' problem. who knows.... so yesterday after he told me, he went home and i called him and he made me ask the question that i was going to ask when he was here. so i asked it, i asked "if im your love, does that mean you love me?" and he says "i'll have to get back to you on that one." i was suprised and scared at the same time and i asked him if he was serious and he said yes, so i hung up on him. i didnt know what else to do, i couldnt stay on the phone. so now what? what kind of response is "i'll have to get back to you on that one."????? i dont understand..... what do i do?
p.s. i feel like shit today