(no subject)
i can die now.
i have no reason to live. =[
ahaha. just kidding, i don't want to die. but i'd like to go into hiding for a while. i did horribly on my cal 2 exam. it's my fault, but it's so sad. it was even open book. ok, i'll admit it was uber hard and stuff, but i should have been able to finish more of it. that's right. i didn't even finish it. the thing i *hate* about math is that it's very tricky. i knew how to work out all of those problems, but they were set up in a way that completely threw me off. like one was finding the integral for the square root of x^2+4x+8dx. so like i know how to do 1 over blah. so was i supposed to work it out the same way? but then it would work. cause 1 over blah is the inverse of sin. or whatevs. i don't know. imma have to take the class again. cause i'm completely lost. this is the first class that stomps me like this and i'm embarassed. ugh. stupid.
last night was so weird. i'm really sad. =[ lauren and i went to bobby's to smoke with marcus. but like i had called bobby ealier during the day and he dind't answer. so like i went to his place and he knew i was going but only because marcus told him we were going over to smoke. so i smoked and stuff and bobby was weird with me. he was like giving me all kinds of shit and making me feel bad. he hardly sat next to me and stuff. i don't know. maybe i'm like taking it to the extreme cause i was high and i coudln't really decifer things too well, but it was still shitty. i wanted to cry or something. cause i felt really sad. no fun. =[ i hope he wasn't upset with me smoking and stuff. i had told him i was going to do it. we had discussed it tuesday night at buffalo's and stuff. aww...no fun.
what's even worse is that i'm making myself think it's not going to work. like i always do. i'm getting ready to pull out. like for real. i could stop talking to him today and that's it. i feel like doing it sooo bad, but at the same time, i REALLY REALLY like him and i want to be with him forever. haha. ok. maybe not forever because the likelihood of that is like me passing cal 2, but i don't want to break things off. i don't knowww...i'm so lost. in life.
i can't wait for tomorrow. hopefully i have a good time. i asked him if he would be my date for my sister's pre-party and stuff, and he was kinda like iffy or something. usually he's like excited about that shit. i told him if he couldn't go, that was ok. i'd go by myself, which i don't mind doing at all, but i don't know. hardcore weirdness.
i bet things aren't even weird. i'm probably looking WAY too into it. like hardXcore. what if he thinks things are fine and dandy? teh lame.
=[
blah. i'm just going through an emo phase. no. i don't know. teh lame.
<3 monica
i have no reason to live. =[
ahaha. just kidding, i don't want to die. but i'd like to go into hiding for a while. i did horribly on my cal 2 exam. it's my fault, but it's so sad. it was even open book. ok, i'll admit it was uber hard and stuff, but i should have been able to finish more of it. that's right. i didn't even finish it. the thing i *hate* about math is that it's very tricky. i knew how to work out all of those problems, but they were set up in a way that completely threw me off. like one was finding the integral for the square root of x^2+4x+8dx. so like i know how to do 1 over blah. so was i supposed to work it out the same way? but then it would work. cause 1 over blah is the inverse of sin. or whatevs. i don't know. imma have to take the class again. cause i'm completely lost. this is the first class that stomps me like this and i'm embarassed. ugh. stupid.
last night was so weird. i'm really sad. =[ lauren and i went to bobby's to smoke with marcus. but like i had called bobby ealier during the day and he dind't answer. so like i went to his place and he knew i was going but only because marcus told him we were going over to smoke. so i smoked and stuff and bobby was weird with me. he was like giving me all kinds of shit and making me feel bad. he hardly sat next to me and stuff. i don't know. maybe i'm like taking it to the extreme cause i was high and i coudln't really decifer things too well, but it was still shitty. i wanted to cry or something. cause i felt really sad. no fun. =[ i hope he wasn't upset with me smoking and stuff. i had told him i was going to do it. we had discussed it tuesday night at buffalo's and stuff. aww...no fun.
what's even worse is that i'm making myself think it's not going to work. like i always do. i'm getting ready to pull out. like for real. i could stop talking to him today and that's it. i feel like doing it sooo bad, but at the same time, i REALLY REALLY like him and i want to be with him forever. haha. ok. maybe not forever because the likelihood of that is like me passing cal 2, but i don't want to break things off. i don't knowww...i'm so lost. in life.
i can't wait for tomorrow. hopefully i have a good time. i asked him if he would be my date for my sister's pre-party and stuff, and he was kinda like iffy or something. usually he's like excited about that shit. i told him if he couldn't go, that was ok. i'd go by myself, which i don't mind doing at all, but i don't know. hardcore weirdness.
i bet things aren't even weird. i'm probably looking WAY too into it. like hardXcore. what if he thinks things are fine and dandy? teh lame.
=[
blah. i'm just going through an emo phase. no. i don't know. teh lame.
<3 monica