American Sam
I met a guy - Lindsie's friend Sam. He's fabulously good-looking, very sweet, respectful, intelligent, fun, apparently likes me, and has all those other key qualities. Only major problem is - he's not from the States. I don't mean he's going "home" in a week and that's why it's a bad thing - I mean he's Middle Eastern. I've been trying to figure out where he's from for the past 3 days, and I think I FINALLY got it. He's from Saudi Arabia, but is Lebanese, but is a US (and Lebanon) citizen. Translation - he was born in the US (that's how he became a US citizen), by two Lebanese parents. Who, shortly after he was born moved to Saudi Arabia (not surprising since 80% of Saudi Arabia is made up of foreigners). Somewhere along the way he got his Lebanese citizenship (perhaps coz both of his parents were). When it was time to go to college he decided to do it abroad in the States because it's a big deal over there if you graduate from an American University. So that's Sam, and that's how he got here.
Now, back to why him being from Saudi Arabia is a not-so-great thing. He definitely doesn't look or talk like he's from the states. He has dark skin, lots of jet-black hair, large eyebrows, and big (beautiful) brown eyes. At first glance you'd think Italian (because we're American so when we see someone who looks like that we immediately think of what we want them to be, which in this case is Italian). As soon as he starts talking though, you know that's definitely not an Italian accent. It's not bad like you can't understand him (because I have yet to say "uhhh what?!"), however it's not like Mareena where you'd never know she wasn't American. It's just a subtle (very mysterious and kinda hot) accent, also his sentence structure is sometimes different and so you know English wasn't his first language. Sam actually speaks fluent Arabic (national language of Saudi Arabia), English, and French (not sure why on the French, but he's been to France many times and his dad does a lot of work there). I'm sorry, I think being able to speak foreign languages is an amazing turn-on, but that's just me. I can't do it and I'd love to, so more points for those who can. Not everyone is as open minded as I am about this kind of stuff however. The fact that he looks and speaks different makes most people immediately write him off and/or judge him. We're American. We don't like those who are different. We want people to be just like us. If you disagree with me, just look at our foreign policy (and closely read Bush's last state of the union address).
I disagree with many people though and like all of this stuff about him - it makes him mysterious (my friends would say it makes him a terrorist). Speaking of my friends - they all met him tonight at Mary's going away party. I told them to be nice, but instead, here is a sampling of some of the awful things they said (BEFORE he came, thank god)...
- "Does he drive a magic carpet?!"
- So are you going to celebrate 9.11 now?"
- Oh shit, I got some sand in my eye!"
- "Goddamnit, I mean Allahdamnit, I spilled my beer!"
- "Does he live in a Pyramid?"
- "Oh I think I met him, at 7-11!"
- "Be sure to face east and bow when he comes in!"
- (I was wearing a white skirt) "Oh Amy he'd love that skirt you're wearing - he could put it on his head!"
- "You'll have to tell us what Mecca's like"
- "Does his snake come out when he plays a flute?!"
.....it went on and on. At one point I came out of the kitchen and they had all twirled white linen napkins on their heads. Bastards.
Seriously though - now that I've thought about it - I think that the most difficult person for a white American girl to date would be someone from the Middle East. More than a black person, or Asian person, or Mexican, and so on - a Middle Eastern man would be the hardest because of the terrible stigma that has been attached to them these days because of Kuwait, 9.11, Al Quida, the "war on terror," Saddam Hussein, Iraq, etc. We think only negative thoughts when that part of the world is brought up under any light. It's hugely upsetting. As soon as I said where he was from EVERYONE I told had something negative to say (especially my parents. Well, to give them SOME credit they didn't actually say anything, but they did make sure and let me know that they didn't approve). Yea, some of the things people said were funny - but for the most part it was just mean, and was definitely symbolic of the overall feeling in this country. It would be so hard to date a Middle Eastern person because you'd be attacked from both sides, the cultures are TOTALLY different, that part of the world is in so much turmoil and the US is caught up in all of it. I was reading an article the other day about how much Muslims (which I'm not sure, but I think Sam is one) hate Americans. It was a very well written essay and it brought up some different points. It said that Muslims have been forced to have an opinion on us, and after all we'd done to them, they were finally pushed to hate. The article went on to say that Muslims don't really have an opinion on Chileans, or Australians, or Japanese, but because of this country's actions, they definitely have been forced to have an opinion about Americans - and it's not a good one.
I doubt that my friend’s comments are right - they were just trying to be funny. However my parent's silences and constant referring to him not as Sam, but as "the Arabic guy," although wrong, may not be with such a bad motive. Maybe they are trying to save me from a lot of bad experiences, humiliations, and the rocky road that sadly goes along with dating a minority in this country. I could just see it, Sam and I are watching the news and something undoubtedly comes on about his home country with a not so surprising negative American spin. How crazy awkward that would be? Say we're out and someone near us starts talking about foreign politics and it makes this weird awkward silence in our conversation. How could I get around that? Say he accidentally overhears one of my friends saying one of their stupid racist jokes about him. Could I possibly dig my way out of that one? Say we're out and some drunk guy says something to him, or calls him a terrorist, or a rag head, or something along those lines. Would I have to apologize for the narrow feelings my fellow citizens have toward him? Say, worst of all, something accidentally slips out of my mouth, or I say something in anger during an argument. Could that ever be repaired? There are a thousand things that could go wrong. For example, like most people when they meet and like each other, we wanted to spend part of tonight together, so we decided perhaps we'd see a movie. He said he hadn't seen the movie Crash. Now, I've seen that movie and know that it's about racism today in LA. I would feel very awkward taking my new minority friend to see a movie about how totally racist my country is toward his culture and all others. Before making a commitment I got him to get over the movie idea - phew. But seriously, is that what it would be like all of the time? Could we ever get to a place where we could ignore all of that stuff? Would that even be a good place? We know what my family thinks, but what would his family think? Say, just for kicks, we get really serious - what would happen when he graduated? Could I ever love someone enough to move across the world to a country that I have been told my whole life is an awful place? Could you imagine that crazy wedding? What about our kids? How would they be raised? If we were to stay here, would they suffer the same torture that Arabic people are subject to today?
Okay, I know I'm taking this way out of hand - I have us married and with children! Trust me, it's not like that, not at all - I'm just brainstorming about the idea and using myself as the subject because it makes me really think about it. I don't know what will happen with Sam and I, if even anything, but I do know that I want to at least talk to him (this is going to make me sound like a huge loser). I want to know what his point of view on all of this is, if he has ever thought of these scenarios, how recent developments between his country and mine have changed his life, if he has been subject to racist acts or accusations, what makes him uncomfortable, and so on. Also I want to know what Saudi Arabia, Lebanon, and all those other Middle Eastern countries are REALLY like - no conservative FOX News spin. I want to know what it means to be Lebanese as opposed to Turkish as opposed to Afghan. I want to know if he's Muslim and what that is like here in the states. I want to know about his culture - is what they say true about the treatment of women? Or the crazy things that happen to you if you break the law? Or the low national literacy rates? I want to know what day-to-day life is like, is it really that much different? What earns a person respect? What are their politics like? What is it like to have a king who actually rules? What holidays do they have? What is it like to have religion and government so closely tied? What is his country's view of my country? I could go on and on with questions I'd very much like to ask him, or anybody from a country I know so little about. People who are from other parts of the world always fascinate me. I always want to talk to them about their culture. I guess I figure that's how this stuff gets solved - talking, which leads to understanding, which leads to tolerating, which, eventually, leads to peace...
Now, back to why him being from Saudi Arabia is a not-so-great thing. He definitely doesn't look or talk like he's from the states. He has dark skin, lots of jet-black hair, large eyebrows, and big (beautiful) brown eyes. At first glance you'd think Italian (because we're American so when we see someone who looks like that we immediately think of what we want them to be, which in this case is Italian). As soon as he starts talking though, you know that's definitely not an Italian accent. It's not bad like you can't understand him (because I have yet to say "uhhh what?!"), however it's not like Mareena where you'd never know she wasn't American. It's just a subtle (very mysterious and kinda hot) accent, also his sentence structure is sometimes different and so you know English wasn't his first language. Sam actually speaks fluent Arabic (national language of Saudi Arabia), English, and French (not sure why on the French, but he's been to France many times and his dad does a lot of work there). I'm sorry, I think being able to speak foreign languages is an amazing turn-on, but that's just me. I can't do it and I'd love to, so more points for those who can. Not everyone is as open minded as I am about this kind of stuff however. The fact that he looks and speaks different makes most people immediately write him off and/or judge him. We're American. We don't like those who are different. We want people to be just like us. If you disagree with me, just look at our foreign policy (and closely read Bush's last state of the union address).
I disagree with many people though and like all of this stuff about him - it makes him mysterious (my friends would say it makes him a terrorist). Speaking of my friends - they all met him tonight at Mary's going away party. I told them to be nice, but instead, here is a sampling of some of the awful things they said (BEFORE he came, thank god)...
- "Does he drive a magic carpet?!"
- So are you going to celebrate 9.11 now?"
- Oh shit, I got some sand in my eye!"
- "Goddamnit, I mean Allahdamnit, I spilled my beer!"
- "Does he live in a Pyramid?"
- "Oh I think I met him, at 7-11!"
- "Be sure to face east and bow when he comes in!"
- (I was wearing a white skirt) "Oh Amy he'd love that skirt you're wearing - he could put it on his head!"
- "You'll have to tell us what Mecca's like"
- "Does his snake come out when he plays a flute?!"
.....it went on and on. At one point I came out of the kitchen and they had all twirled white linen napkins on their heads. Bastards.
Seriously though - now that I've thought about it - I think that the most difficult person for a white American girl to date would be someone from the Middle East. More than a black person, or Asian person, or Mexican, and so on - a Middle Eastern man would be the hardest because of the terrible stigma that has been attached to them these days because of Kuwait, 9.11, Al Quida, the "war on terror," Saddam Hussein, Iraq, etc. We think only negative thoughts when that part of the world is brought up under any light. It's hugely upsetting. As soon as I said where he was from EVERYONE I told had something negative to say (especially my parents. Well, to give them SOME credit they didn't actually say anything, but they did make sure and let me know that they didn't approve). Yea, some of the things people said were funny - but for the most part it was just mean, and was definitely symbolic of the overall feeling in this country. It would be so hard to date a Middle Eastern person because you'd be attacked from both sides, the cultures are TOTALLY different, that part of the world is in so much turmoil and the US is caught up in all of it. I was reading an article the other day about how much Muslims (which I'm not sure, but I think Sam is one) hate Americans. It was a very well written essay and it brought up some different points. It said that Muslims have been forced to have an opinion on us, and after all we'd done to them, they were finally pushed to hate. The article went on to say that Muslims don't really have an opinion on Chileans, or Australians, or Japanese, but because of this country's actions, they definitely have been forced to have an opinion about Americans - and it's not a good one.
I doubt that my friend’s comments are right - they were just trying to be funny. However my parent's silences and constant referring to him not as Sam, but as "the Arabic guy," although wrong, may not be with such a bad motive. Maybe they are trying to save me from a lot of bad experiences, humiliations, and the rocky road that sadly goes along with dating a minority in this country. I could just see it, Sam and I are watching the news and something undoubtedly comes on about his home country with a not so surprising negative American spin. How crazy awkward that would be? Say we're out and someone near us starts talking about foreign politics and it makes this weird awkward silence in our conversation. How could I get around that? Say he accidentally overhears one of my friends saying one of their stupid racist jokes about him. Could I possibly dig my way out of that one? Say we're out and some drunk guy says something to him, or calls him a terrorist, or a rag head, or something along those lines. Would I have to apologize for the narrow feelings my fellow citizens have toward him? Say, worst of all, something accidentally slips out of my mouth, or I say something in anger during an argument. Could that ever be repaired? There are a thousand things that could go wrong. For example, like most people when they meet and like each other, we wanted to spend part of tonight together, so we decided perhaps we'd see a movie. He said he hadn't seen the movie Crash. Now, I've seen that movie and know that it's about racism today in LA. I would feel very awkward taking my new minority friend to see a movie about how totally racist my country is toward his culture and all others. Before making a commitment I got him to get over the movie idea - phew. But seriously, is that what it would be like all of the time? Could we ever get to a place where we could ignore all of that stuff? Would that even be a good place? We know what my family thinks, but what would his family think? Say, just for kicks, we get really serious - what would happen when he graduated? Could I ever love someone enough to move across the world to a country that I have been told my whole life is an awful place? Could you imagine that crazy wedding? What about our kids? How would they be raised? If we were to stay here, would they suffer the same torture that Arabic people are subject to today?
Okay, I know I'm taking this way out of hand - I have us married and with children! Trust me, it's not like that, not at all - I'm just brainstorming about the idea and using myself as the subject because it makes me really think about it. I don't know what will happen with Sam and I, if even anything, but I do know that I want to at least talk to him (this is going to make me sound like a huge loser). I want to know what his point of view on all of this is, if he has ever thought of these scenarios, how recent developments between his country and mine have changed his life, if he has been subject to racist acts or accusations, what makes him uncomfortable, and so on. Also I want to know what Saudi Arabia, Lebanon, and all those other Middle Eastern countries are REALLY like - no conservative FOX News spin. I want to know what it means to be Lebanese as opposed to Turkish as opposed to Afghan. I want to know if he's Muslim and what that is like here in the states. I want to know about his culture - is what they say true about the treatment of women? Or the crazy things that happen to you if you break the law? Or the low national literacy rates? I want to know what day-to-day life is like, is it really that much different? What earns a person respect? What are their politics like? What is it like to have a king who actually rules? What holidays do they have? What is it like to have religion and government so closely tied? What is his country's view of my country? I could go on and on with questions I'd very much like to ask him, or anybody from a country I know so little about. People who are from other parts of the world always fascinate me. I always want to talk to them about their culture. I guess I figure that's how this stuff gets solved - talking, which leads to understanding, which leads to tolerating, which, eventually, leads to peace...