sorry for the novel.. i don't expect anyone to read it.. but whatever.. nobody reads them anyway..

[chicagorda13]

Scott came over last night.. for once he actually didn't stand me up!  yay!  he tuned joseph's drum set for me.. which i'm glad b/c there is no way I'd ever know how to do that. lol... then we went outside to joseph's treehouse my dad and i built (which scott was supposed to help us build but didn't.. i apologized to scott b/c i sent him a really shitty text message the other night about he stands me up all the time and all that good stuff.. and he apologized to me for it all.. he said he's really sorry.. that sometimes he wants to do things but work makes him so tired he'll come home and get ready and then sit down for a second and next thing you know it's morning.. and he does work really long hours doing landscaping and stuff so i kinda have to forgive him for it.. but that doesn't mean it doesn't upset me.. and that's what i told him.. but anyway.. we then went to joseph's swingset and were swinging for a while until we were both going so high we thought we were going to tip it over so we just sat and talked for a while.. then i decided i wanted to go for a walk.. and since i live across the street from the schools (yea.. all 3 of my schools i went to.. elementary, middle, and high school.. are right next to each other and across the street from my house) we went over there.. and we went to the playground.. and we played on the playground.. we were on the swings for a while and then we played on the merry-go-round thing .. which has an upper level so we decided some kid's probably gonna get really hurt on that thing.. walked across these other things that seem dangerous.. b/c they are like 4 teeter totters hooked together and the only purpose we could figure out for them is to walk on them.. which was not very sturdy.. lol.. then we were climbing on the monkey bars.. and he was laughing b/c i squeezed through 2 bars to sit on top of them.. and he wanted to know how i did that.. but he was walking on them.. then i got scared and didn't want to jump off them so he helped me get down.. lol.. then i showed him this hide out my friends and i had made in the pine trees there (there's a huge row of pine trees) by clearing out all the dead branches on the inside so that we had room to stand and move around inside them.. we had a huge area done.. but it looks as if some other kids have continued on the legacy b/c a lot more of the branches were cleaned out.. when we first found the clearing to get into the trees i felt a huge spider web so i made him go first.. lol.. i actually kinda just shoved him through it.. lol.. then we decided to break into the nature center behind the elementary school.. there's a log cabin in there and a bright pink playhouse.. so we hopped the fence.. i wasn't very graceful and actually ended up cutting my wrist on the fence.. which is minor in comparison to the injuries i thought i was going to sustain.. lol.. i seriously thought i was going to face plant.. i don't recommend jumping fences in flip flops.. so we went in the cabin and he walked through ANOTHER huge spider web.. lol.. and it was really dark in the cabin so we went back outside and wandered around for a minute.. then we went into the playhouse but it was a bagillion degrees hot in there so we decided outside was better.. we looked at what used to be the pond which is now just some rocks lining a hole in the ground.. they need to fill it up.. seriously.. how hard can it be to put some water in it?  we talked about the time in elementary school when the nature center first opened and we put a turtle in the pond.. scott and i are pretty sure he's not alive anymore though.. we decided the nature center would be a pretty cool place if they actually took care of it and made it a community thing instead of keeping it locked up all the time.. and i explained to him how my girl scout troop came and cleaned up the entire place.. pulling out weeds and poison ivy just to make it look nice for the kids and to earn our silver award and now it's gone back to hell.. our hard work was for nothing : (   oh well.. then we hopped the fence again.. this time a little more gracefully for me.. lol.. we went to try to figure out what this one building that's on the grounds is.. but there's a big fence around it with "warning: no admittance" signs all over the place.. so we decided not to hop it b/c we could get in actual trouble for it.. we're just going to allow that building to remain a mystery.. lol.. i was telling him stories about the stupid things my friends and i did in elementary school over at the school.. how we stole a bunch of corn from one of the cornfields there when we were like 7 and planned a day to "pop the corn" on this big metal thing over at the school. we waited for the hottest day of the year.. unfortunately our plan failed.. but we were 7 and it was fun.. lol.. we took a really long walk.. i took him all over the place at the school he went to kindergarten to and graduated from.. a place he went to school to for 13 years.. and there were all these places he never knew about there before.. it was fun.. i'm an expert at that place.. i only lived there basically my entire life.. until i moved away at 18.. and now i'm back there again.. then we went back to the playground and bitched about how it's all new equipment and nothing cool from when we were kids is even there anymore.. except the basketball goals.. they are ancient.. we sat in the new "handicap swings" lol.. and he joked about how hard it is to get in them saying how difficult it would be to get a handicap person in there.. although not quite using the most polite language.. lol.. and they are really hard to get started swinging so he pushed me for a minute.. then we just looked at the stars and talked and swang in the handicap swings.. which are actually a lot more comfortable then the regular swings b/c they have a back and they don't hurt your ass.. lol.. then we moved and sat on these teeter totter things they have there.. and talked for FOREVER.. we talked about how ash and i are supposed to be moving out.. how scott and i want to travel the land by foot so we can see the nature and appreciate everything everybody else just takes for granted.. how we want to go camping.. soon.. how he went to bonaroo and slept outside in a recliner.. lol.. don't ask how they even had a recliner there but whatever.. how he's sorry he stands me up all the time and he doesn't like that it upsets me.. how my sister is an idiot b/c she's in jail right now for posession of marijuana, posession of crack cocaine, and an owi.. how marijuana is not a big deal at all but crack cocaine is pretty serious.. as well as the owi .. and how we felt bad for joseph who doesn't have a dad or a mom.. but he told me he's glad joseph at least has me .. at least has somebody who loves him and plays with him.. even though i get frustrated with him.. he can tell I would hate not having him around.. we talked about how my dad turned into an asshole to guys once my sister got pregnant.. and how scott's lucky my dad has never been mean to him and it's probably b/c of the paxil he's taking.. lol.. about how scott actually spent the night at my parent's house with me one night.. then we decided it was time to head back.. and we went into my room and put in pinky and the brain.. i shut the door and he was like, "are your parents going to care?"  and i said.. nope.. b/c in all honestly they would probably actually get up and shut my door so they don't have to hear my tv and so i don't wake joseph up.. lol.. we laid there and watched it for a while.. then we were cuddling.. i missed cuddling with him.. i used to spend every weekend last summer with him and cuddling with him.. and he even kissed me.. and he didn't try anything else.. didn't even hint at it.. it's nice when guys will just lay around with you and hold you and that's all they need.. and then whe it was like 2 in the morning he said he needed to leave.. but only b/c i asked what time it was and we saw what time it was.. he said, "i don't know.. i haven't even thought about it" and it made me smile that even though he had to wake up at like 4:30 in the morning he hadn't thought about what time it was.. he was just enjoying spending time with me.. he said he didn't want to go but he needed to.. i tried to talk him into spending the night with me.. but i guess my dad kinda freaks him out.. i said, "but you've already spent the night before" and he said, "but that was on the floor.. in the living room.. you're bed would probably be a bit different".. i tried to convince him that my parents didn't care.. which they probably wouldn't care as long as i had opened the door.. i tried to explain to him that i'm 21 and i really don't care if they care or not.. lol.. but he decided he needed to leave.. i was trying to explain to him that sometimes you don't have to do what you're supposed to do. you should just do what you want to do.. that that's how i live my life.. and he just smiled at me.. and we laid there for probably  another half an hour before i said.. see.. you're not even trying to leave.. and he said it's because i was holding him down.. b/c i had my arm on him.. lol.. and i told him that if he really wanted to leave it wouldn't be that difficult to move me.. but he still didn't try to move me.. finally. he kissed me again and said he really did have to go.. i gave him a sad look and walked him to his car.. where he just hugged me for a minute and then had to leave.. i told him i was sad b/c i probably wouldn't see him again forever.. that he comes around once and then disappears and it upsets me a lot b/c i actually like him.. which he already knows.. but i was really happy he came over.. i don't really know why i like him so much.. i guess it's just b/c we are so much alike.. like the music we listen to and the way we think about some things.. how we both have the same types of dreams and things we want to accomplish in our lives.. but he's so flaky.. ugh.. i know he does like me.. b/c when he's actually with me he treats me like a princess and he stays with me for a long time before finally forcing himself to leave me.. but our schedules just don't mesh well at all.. he's a really busy guy who works 6 days a week.. over 12 hours everyday.. and then he has band practice and has to spend tme with his family.. and his mom comes home from cincinnati (where she works) on the weekends so he spends time with her then.. and i just feel like i'm constantly waiting around on him.. but oh well.. if it's meant to be it will be i suppose.. i feel bad about the things that have happened recently.. like with ray.. and ray and scott are really good friends.. and i didn't know that.. so i hate it now.. i told scott i won't sleep with him b/c i actually like him.. lol.. yea.. but it's the truth
i guess i better work now :(
*hugs*
-TAMMIE