(no subject)
Saturday, January 29, 2005
Man....last night was so incredibly hard....so incredibly hard....if it wasn't for God, I don't know if I would have gotten through last night....that was so hard. Why does God's will have to include breaking my heart and the heart of the guy I care so so much about....? I guess I will find out one day. I know and believe that God has awesome plans for us....I just don't feel like it right now and haven't for two weeks. But I'm trying so desperately to use this fresh start that God has so graciously given me in the right way....its so hard to obey Him sometimes but I know He is not doing this to hurt Josh and I. I know that He loves and cares about Josh and I more than we could ever possibly care about each other....just having to tell him that last night and see his heart breaking.....omg....I would have rather been run over by a truck then of had to do that. I didn't want to do that at all! And I don't know if he believes me....I still care about him so much, but I care about him enough to know that staying with him when God is showing me so obviously that it would have been wrong would have only hurt him. I don't know what God has in store for Josh and I, but I know that its better than we can imagine, although I can't imagine anything better than Josh. But we are human and God is not, so my mind cannot fathom what He is doing and will do. Please be praying for Josh and I....I know this will continue to be really hard for awhile but I so desperately do not want to lose him as a friend. And i'm trying so hard not to worry about him because I need to put the whole situation in God's hands, which is the best place it can be. *sigh* I try so hard to fight it but I just keep feeling so mean and like a bad person for us breaking up, even though there is not a doubt in my mind that it is what God wants for us.
Lord, Precious Father, You know that no words can describe what I am going through right now. But I thank You that I don't have to put it into words because You already know better than I even do. You are so unbelievably merciful and wonderful to give Josh and I this fresh start....but its just so hard! Lord, I know that Josh is in Your hands and that he will be just fine because You care about him way more than I ever could....but its just so hard to let go of him to You. Please, please, I beg of You, that You would heal us both and help us to be friends, and even close friends at that. He is my best friend, besides You, and I cannot imagine him not being in my life. Please bless him soooo much, Lord and just hold him in your arms. Hold us both in your arms. These last two weeks have been so, so hard, Lord, but I am not hopeless because I know that You are working. I have this weird peace that is so great, and I know that everything will be fine. Its just my feelings that get in the way. Please help and guide us, Lord. I give everything to You. Thank You for being so incredibly amazing! I love You more than life itself. ~Your daughter, Mandy
"For I know the plans I have for you, " declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (Jeremiah 29:11)
Man....last night was so incredibly hard....so incredibly hard....if it wasn't for God, I don't know if I would have gotten through last night....that was so hard. Why does God's will have to include breaking my heart and the heart of the guy I care so so much about....? I guess I will find out one day. I know and believe that God has awesome plans for us....I just don't feel like it right now and haven't for two weeks. But I'm trying so desperately to use this fresh start that God has so graciously given me in the right way....its so hard to obey Him sometimes but I know He is not doing this to hurt Josh and I. I know that He loves and cares about Josh and I more than we could ever possibly care about each other....just having to tell him that last night and see his heart breaking.....omg....I would have rather been run over by a truck then of had to do that. I didn't want to do that at all! And I don't know if he believes me....I still care about him so much, but I care about him enough to know that staying with him when God is showing me so obviously that it would have been wrong would have only hurt him. I don't know what God has in store for Josh and I, but I know that its better than we can imagine, although I can't imagine anything better than Josh. But we are human and God is not, so my mind cannot fathom what He is doing and will do. Please be praying for Josh and I....I know this will continue to be really hard for awhile but I so desperately do not want to lose him as a friend. And i'm trying so hard not to worry about him because I need to put the whole situation in God's hands, which is the best place it can be. *sigh* I try so hard to fight it but I just keep feeling so mean and like a bad person for us breaking up, even though there is not a doubt in my mind that it is what God wants for us.
Lord, Precious Father, You know that no words can describe what I am going through right now. But I thank You that I don't have to put it into words because You already know better than I even do. You are so unbelievably merciful and wonderful to give Josh and I this fresh start....but its just so hard! Lord, I know that Josh is in Your hands and that he will be just fine because You care about him way more than I ever could....but its just so hard to let go of him to You. Please, please, I beg of You, that You would heal us both and help us to be friends, and even close friends at that. He is my best friend, besides You, and I cannot imagine him not being in my life. Please bless him soooo much, Lord and just hold him in your arms. Hold us both in your arms. These last two weeks have been so, so hard, Lord, but I am not hopeless because I know that You are working. I have this weird peace that is so great, and I know that everything will be fine. Its just my feelings that get in the way. Please help and guide us, Lord. I give everything to You. Thank You for being so incredibly amazing! I love You more than life itself. ~Your daughter, Mandy
"For I know the plans I have for you, " declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (Jeremiah 29:11)