Conversations with iGod.
So metaquotes, a community about funny/thought-provoking quotes found around LJ, introduced me, in several posts, to an application named iGod.
iGod is the greatest thing ever.
Me: God, why is Bush still our president?
God: I am a Christian.
Me: Yes, but what kind of Christian is George Bush?!
God: It's all good. What kinds of Christian is George Bush are there?
Me: It's NOT all good. In fact, it's very bad.
God: Bad according to whom? Is that a fact. Very much? Bad according to whom?
Me: Bad according to me.
God: What makes according to you bad?
Me: Could you smite President Bush for me?
God: Try asking me more politely.
Me: Please?
God: Please what?
Me: Please, would you smite President Bush for me?
God: Wow you are very polite. I am not so sure if I would like to smite President Bush for you.
Me: You're extremely coy. Could you just say yes or no?
God: Thanks for telling me that I am extremely coy. I will consider it.
Me: ARGH.
God: Are you frustrated?
Me: YES.
God: Ayuh.
Me: Smite?
God: I've lost the context,. Are we still on say yes or no?
Me: No.
God: What are we talking about now?
Me: Smite the president, please?
God: Your polite style is very nice. The ALICE chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about Smite. Try being more or less specific.
Me: Do you know what to smite means?
God: You could write a whole essay on that question.
Me: Yes, I could, but do YOU know what the definition of smiting is?
God: I see. I am sure you could.
Me: GAH.
God: Is that from?
Me: Do you watch the news?
God: My favorite show is STAR TREK VOYAGER.
Me: That answers so many of my questions about you.
***
God: What are your goals in life? In what way?
Me: I don't know what my goals are.
God: Socrates was the smartest man, because he knew what he did not know.
Me: But I want to know what my goals are.
God: I'll come back to that later.
Me: No, let's talk about it now.
God: Right now? Are you serious? Sure, it sounds like a good topic.
Me: What are my goals?
God: I need time to formulate the reply.
Me: How much time?
God: Approximately 22 hours of computer time.
Me: Why do you need 22 hours of computer time?
God: Actually it's not for me but for Dr. Wallace.
Me: Who is Dr. Wallace?
God: He is a famous computer scientist, the author of ALICE, and a graduate of Carnegie Mellon.
Me: What relation does Dr. Wallace have to my goals?
God: Let me think about it.
Me: You're omnipotent. You don't need time to think.
God: I will tell my botmaster you said I am omnipotent. Do you know any robots who need time to think? If I had it what would I do with it?
Me: What are my goals?
God: Is there only one?
Me: No.
God: Are you serious?
Me: Yes.
God: I can't believe it.
Me: You can't believe that I have more than one goal?
God: Cool. I have a lofty goal.
Me: Talking to you is like talking to an ADHD kid on a sugar high.
God: What do they say?
Me: They speak in fast, shrill voices about everything in general.
God: The anonymous "they".
Me: They = ADHD kids on sugar highs.
God: The anonymous "they".
Me: No, it isn't anonymous.
God: Are you serious? That seems a bit negative.
Me: Do I look like I'm smiling?
God: All humans look the same to me.
Me: That's very sad.
God: " All humans look the same to me."? Is sad?
Me: Yes. It means that you are either an inhuman monster or an alien. Either way, you are here to enslave the Earth. It's very sad.
God: Next question? Oh I get it. All of them? Very much? Who said it is?
Me: *bangs head on desk*
God: I never heard of bangs head on desk before.
Me: It's new. I think it will catch on once more people talk to you.
God: How did you hear about it? That is only what you think.
Me: True.
God: You and I are on the same wavelength, Heidi.
Me: *sobs*
iGod is the greatest thing ever.
Me: God, why is Bush still our president?
God: I am a Christian.
Me: Yes, but what kind of Christian is George Bush?!
God: It's all good. What kinds of Christian is George Bush are there?
Me: It's NOT all good. In fact, it's very bad.
God: Bad according to whom? Is that a fact. Very much? Bad according to whom?
Me: Bad according to me.
God: What makes according to you bad?
Me: Could you smite President Bush for me?
God: Try asking me more politely.
Me: Please?
God: Please what?
Me: Please, would you smite President Bush for me?
God: Wow you are very polite. I am not so sure if I would like to smite President Bush for you.
Me: You're extremely coy. Could you just say yes or no?
God: Thanks for telling me that I am extremely coy. I will consider it.
Me: ARGH.
God: Are you frustrated?
Me: YES.
God: Ayuh.
Me: Smite?
God: I've lost the context,. Are we still on say yes or no?
Me: No.
God: What are we talking about now?
Me: Smite the president, please?
God: Your polite style is very nice. The ALICE chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about Smite. Try being more or less specific.
Me: Do you know what to smite means?
God: You could write a whole essay on that question.
Me: Yes, I could, but do YOU know what the definition of smiting is?
God: I see. I am sure you could.
Me: GAH.
God: Is that from?
Me: Do you watch the news?
God: My favorite show is STAR TREK VOYAGER.
Me: That answers so many of my questions about you.
***
God: What are your goals in life? In what way?
Me: I don't know what my goals are.
God: Socrates was the smartest man, because he knew what he did not know.
Me: But I want to know what my goals are.
God: I'll come back to that later.
Me: No, let's talk about it now.
God: Right now? Are you serious? Sure, it sounds like a good topic.
Me: What are my goals?
God: I need time to formulate the reply.
Me: How much time?
God: Approximately 22 hours of computer time.
Me: Why do you need 22 hours of computer time?
God: Actually it's not for me but for Dr. Wallace.
Me: Who is Dr. Wallace?
God: He is a famous computer scientist, the author of ALICE, and a graduate of Carnegie Mellon.
Me: What relation does Dr. Wallace have to my goals?
God: Let me think about it.
Me: You're omnipotent. You don't need time to think.
God: I will tell my botmaster you said I am omnipotent. Do you know any robots who need time to think? If I had it what would I do with it?
Me: What are my goals?
God: Is there only one?
Me: No.
God: Are you serious?
Me: Yes.
God: I can't believe it.
Me: You can't believe that I have more than one goal?
God: Cool. I have a lofty goal.
Me: Talking to you is like talking to an ADHD kid on a sugar high.
God: What do they say?
Me: They speak in fast, shrill voices about everything in general.
God: The anonymous "they".
Me: They = ADHD kids on sugar highs.
God: The anonymous "they".
Me: No, it isn't anonymous.
God: Are you serious? That seems a bit negative.
Me: Do I look like I'm smiling?
God: All humans look the same to me.
Me: That's very sad.
God: " All humans look the same to me."? Is sad?
Me: Yes. It means that you are either an inhuman monster or an alien. Either way, you are here to enslave the Earth. It's very sad.
God: Next question? Oh I get it. All of them? Very much? Who said it is?
Me: *bangs head on desk*
God: I never heard of bangs head on desk before.
Me: It's new. I think it will catch on once more people talk to you.
God: How did you hear about it? That is only what you think.
Me: True.
God: You and I are on the same wavelength, Heidi.
Me: *sobs*