I have to do something to satsfy the attention ho inside of me, I can't feel like a ant
I guess I really am that wishy washy and therefore not really made to be cutthroat. On Friday one of my newer coworkers got fired. She was neurotic, paranoid, assumed the worse, and just plain didn't understand how to avoid trouble. Even though I had been trying to help her from the beginning it was not enough to keep her accusing me at times of sabotaging her job. It was crazy at times. But at the end of it I still would liked the ideal situation where my coworkers would have actually tried to help her, and that of course is my silliness. My coworkers all have their insane defects and b/c I so easily manage not to irk those crazy defects I forget that they aren't insane sometimes. I forget that they don't forgive and forget as quickly as I do. And I therefore negligently think better of them. There was no way I could have helped this person who was fired unless I shielded her 24/7 which is not possible even if we worked together all the time.
So now I am more convinced to get my Masters and teach. B/c I know my writing ability is not strong enough to get me by alone and I'd always be stuck in a hateful office environment. And everyday the situation in my office is changing. It's no longer easy to just get by. It's essentially changing as I predicted, the fun is being sucked out and replaced by the ugly tones of bland corporate retail style of management. If you've worked in a place like that you know exactly what I mean, I also experienced this situation when I worked in Blockbuster, we also saw daily the life being sucked out of our jobs. Basically it happens when your bosses make more plans on how you can spend all of your time serving the customer. (Or for us when patron is replaced by the word customer.)
For me educational institutions should give you the things that hard to swallow and are entirely undesirably healthy, not give you a hamburger on a silver platter. But that's what SUNYs are now doing, they give you a cheeseburger then say you could have chosen to just eat the lettuce and tomato.
It's entirely sickening. I know things won't be that great in a public school. I'm sure I'm just unaware of the stupidity lurking there. But at least I can work within a niche and have some power over what I contribute and where I go and what I do.
So now I am more convinced to get my Masters and teach. B/c I know my writing ability is not strong enough to get me by alone and I'd always be stuck in a hateful office environment. And everyday the situation in my office is changing. It's no longer easy to just get by. It's essentially changing as I predicted, the fun is being sucked out and replaced by the ugly tones of bland corporate retail style of management. If you've worked in a place like that you know exactly what I mean, I also experienced this situation when I worked in Blockbuster, we also saw daily the life being sucked out of our jobs. Basically it happens when your bosses make more plans on how you can spend all of your time serving the customer. (Or for us when patron is replaced by the word customer.)
For me educational institutions should give you the things that hard to swallow and are entirely undesirably healthy, not give you a hamburger on a silver platter. But that's what SUNYs are now doing, they give you a cheeseburger then say you could have chosen to just eat the lettuce and tomato.
It's entirely sickening. I know things won't be that great in a public school. I'm sure I'm just unaware of the stupidity lurking there. But at least I can work within a niche and have some power over what I contribute and where I go and what I do.