Play Of Love
Title: Play Of Love
Chapters: 1/1
Author: chibiroxas17
Genre: Romance/angst
Warnings: none
Rating: PG
Pairings: Uruha/Ruki
Synopsis: Lovers not ready to let go but ultimately forced by their lack of reason.
Comments: First oneshot ive written, wanted to try more into depth in Ruki's perspective.
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They fought, cried out; there were times where it seemed it would never go back to the way it used to be; pleasurable and passionate.
It was tiring.
What went wrong, when did it go wrong? Time consumed them, each passing day, hour, minute. The two ultimately knew it would have to end, but hoped something would come save them from their untimely theater play.
Because that’s what it was, a play. What it felt like.
Every move, every moment shared and every word spoken was just a play with its foretold finale, they both knew what to expect but pretended they didn’t, because they didn’t want it to happen, they wanted to remain in their closed happiness.
It was fairy-tale waiting to be ended.
“Why can’t you see that nothing will change?!” - Uruha shouted as he slammed the door with his fist.
Staying silent, wanting to avoid making the situation any worse, Ruki just stood looking at the wooden floor.
The taller one becoming unnerved from the lack of reaction from the smaller one shouted -“I can’t keep doing this anymore, it’s a never ending cycle!”
They were both at their limits not knowing what to do anymore, doubting if there was any way in how to fix their relationship from demise.
“Because you only know how to decide what’s “right” for us, when you know that the truth is that you’re just afraid”-Ruki said looking up at the taller one with a broken expression.
It felt like the room was going to burst; the heavy energy could be felt from the mixture of pain, sorrow, and denial flowing throughout the room. Uruha had gone to Ruki’s apartment to pick him up to go out for their usual stroll in the park.
After the long first months of embarrassing situations, long hours of conversations on the phone of heart filled promises, hundreds of declarations of love and faithfulness and millions of cherished kisses. When did everything just become tiresome, into a routine?
At some point the two no longer had time to live in that passion they had started with, it was work, work and more work and just endless nights at each other’s apartments without saying a word. The love was buried within their materialistic daily schedule.
Sex with just both whispering each other’s names into their ears, avoiding looking at each other’s faces, afraid of seeing that one of them had come to grown tired of the other. When the morning rose the two would get dressed and leave for work, without even making conversation.
They were unsettled, scared, and insecure.
Ruki was never the first to take action; he was always waiting for the other to make the first move, afraid of being rejected if he ever if he failed to impress the taller. He always wanted to be 100% sure that his feelings were felt the same by the other or even greater.
His own stubbornness is what helped cause the bittersweet end to this play. Uruha was tired of always feeling as being the one to go after him, not feeling worth Ruki’s love.
He wanted to be chased.
Having to prove each other’s feelings, doubting each other every second; Ruki was stubborn and suspicious and Uruha was afraid and thought so deeply into things that he couldn’t see the younger’s attempt at changing.
They couldn’t accept one another; they only tolerated each other’s faults.
But the two couldn’t come to understand one another, one would tell their argument and the other would get offended and wouldn’t accept it, having a quarrel started.
“We both can’t change, all of our feelings and attempts will only be in vain”- Uruha hoarsely says as his knuckles were turning white from how forcefully he had closed his palm shut.
He had grown tired from the hours of endless arguing that never seemed to make progress.
Each word that came from Uruha had the huge ability to hurt Ruki deeper and deeper. Ruki only stood quiet refusing to admit he was wrong, he wanted to see Uruha apologize first.
He wanted to say everything that was going on through his head; he wanted to prove to Uruha that there was such a thing as a “happy ending”, that things could work themselves out. He didn’t want to imagine being alone, without him.
They were in love but unhappy, they were becoming to being unable to stand each other anymore.
He didn’t want to come home each night alone, to be waiting for his phone calls that would never come. The dinners alone and to sleep in the cold sheets in his empty bed alone.
But there was nothing that could be done, there was no other escape. What was worse than being separated from someone you care for, that you had given your entire being to? Feeling that you could do about anything for the one being, but your own demon, putting thoughts into your head that your aren’t good enough, he doesn’t love you as much as you do, he’ll only take advantage.
No matter how much they loved each other, the years they’ve known each other to logically conclude that they wouldn’t ever have reason to do something that would hurt one another, they let those insecurities destroy all that, it destroyed what their relationship started with and what it represented to both.
Each blissful memory and each tear they shed together, the smallest gestures that proved how much they meant to each other. Going from confessing their feelings for the first time in Ruki’s apartment on the floor on their knees as Uruha embraced Ruki while crying; the smaller one tilted his head up to surprise the taller with a kiss to now, the same exact spot with only remorse and bitterness. From a simple glass of coffee in the morning to an “I love you” before going to sleep to now where the two don’t even talk for hours in the same room.
“I want you to “stay”, I don’t want you to give up!”- Ruki finally pleaded in desperation with grief in his voice. His eyes felt a burning sensation rising, but forced with all his might to not shed one tear.
“Stop predicting what’s going to happen, you know it -“
Uruha quickly interrupted him.
“We can’t keep doing this; no matter how much we try we’ll always come back here in this same exact damn place,”
“Let’s stop this” -Uruha said looking at him crudely, his voice unconvincing.
Ruki’s heart felt like it had shattered into a million pieces, his throat has started to hurt as if being strangled. He heard the words he had been trying to avoid since the beginning of everything. He felt rage, betrayed and lost.
He wanted to hurt Uruha back. He wanted to with all his strength, for him to regret having spoken those words. How could he say something that would change everything? Not being able to go back to their fairy-tale.
Couldn’t he realize that once the taller went out that door, he wouldn’t be coming back?
Ruki indulged by his own fury simply responded with -“Go.”
He wasn’t able to do it, his own feelings he had for the taller one were stronger, yet little known to him those words were enough to hurt Uruha enough to give up completely.
Uruha had a stunned expression on his face; it was a response he didn’t expect. He had expected Ruki to shout out, kick the walls, anything but that.
His mind full of thoughts, he wanted to question Ruki’s response with a “Are you sure?”, but his lips remained frozen still.
The room went silent for a measly few seconds that felt like an eternity.
Uruha didn’t want Ruki to let go so easily, He wanted to be convinced, in the end he just wanted to be proved he was worth Ruki’s love.
Hesitantly, Uruha walked to the door, one last time to glance back at the smaller; only to see Ruki’s bangs covering his own face, hiding his expression.
The few inches they were from ever other seemed like they were at each end of a road.
“Ill….call you”- Uruha said in the grasp of his breath.
Knowing it was an empty promise to never be fulfilled.
Ruki wanted to shout out, to plead for one last chance; he wanted to tell Uruha not to go out that door, regretting what he had said. But his own stubbornness would let him, he didn’t want to feel inferior, he couldn’t stand admitting defeat even though he knew he was wrong.
Just at the door closed Ruki stood there, staring at the door for minutes in hopes that Uruha would come back, so that they could reconcile and Ruki would be able to triumph his own ego for his feelings he had for the taller.
That moment never came to be, Ruki walked impassively into the living room, staring at the portrait he had of the two together; it was of Uruha hugging Ruki from behind in front of a sakura blossomed tree at the park they had always used to stroll by.
Smiling bitterly at the picture were only the silence and the living room clock ticking; soon he had finally snapped. Feeling broken he had come into realization that Uruha wouldn’t be taking those strolls with him again; he had destroyed his only happiness he’s ever had.
Throwing the small frame towards the floor, kicking the expensive vase he had laid next to the couch, throwing glass cups at the wall and ripping apart poems he had written about his feelings to the taller, shrieking in anguish.
He had fallen onto his knees, tears falling heavily from his cheeks to the floor with every single thing around him broken into pieces on the floor, curtains shredded in that dimmed lit room. Red wine colored walls mixed with the burning light from the fallen lamp as if reflecting on the smaller ones own private hell. A bittersweet ending of how two lovers wanting one another but not being able to stand each other at the same time had finally come to an end.
The clock could be heard ticking timelessly.
And it was the end of the play, their fairy-tail.