A Follow-Up From Yesterday...
This whole situation is so fucked up.
So after my dad told me about the argument with the guy next door and the threats that were made, I was feeling horribly anxious all day. Bit all my nails clean off, horrible acid reflux, couldn't stop shaking, sense of unrelenting dread, brain on overdrive coming up with worst case scenario after worst case scenario.
What if he assaults one of my family, or me??
What if he slashes our car tyres, or breaks our windows?
What if he tries to hurt our pets?
What if he accuses us of something else?
And so on and so forth. All day long. I hate anxiety. I wish I could switch it off.
Dad wanted us to just ignore it and see what else happened. I thought that was a fuckin dumb idea because this dude had just made a violent threat against him that was completely unnecessary and it had to be dealt with. I sat there for a good five minutes, all twitchy over what I was contemplating, and then grabbed my keys and told him I was going out.
I went next door to have a word in person, because after some more digging on Facebook I realised that Stalker Neighbour hadn't deleted her FB, she'd blocked me. Yeah. She shoved a note through our door demanding a response and then closed off a major channel of communication. I'm struggling to see the logic too.
I'm surprised she even answered the door to me. There was a long pause after I knocked and initially heard movement, and at first I thought she'd seen me through the peephole and decided to ignore me. Y'know, because communication. But then she opened the door and I saw her mum behind me in the hall - and in the living room, prowling, the man who had threatened my dad. I gave him only a brief glance before addressing my neighbour, because I didn't want him butting in to our conversation. I knew that if he heard what I had to say, he'd just get all mouthy and aggressive and I'd have to just walk away having achieved nothing.
I asked my neighbour if we could have a private word. Sheepishly, she said she couldn't leave the house because one of her guests was unwell and she was needed "in case of an emergency". Which is odd to me, because they were in fine enough fettle when they were having a go at my dad, and apparently she'd been in St Helens until they texted her about the argument, but okay. Argument happens, suddenly one of her guests becomes deathly ill and she can't leave the house. Seems legit.
I persuaded her to just talk to me on the front with the door closed. So I said to her that I understood there had been an argument, and gave her my dad's side of things - that their dog had instigated things, the guy accused Kaitlyn of biting his dog, Dad (sensing bullshit) asked him to control his dog, then the guy threatened him and everyone went back inside to be angry.
Stalker Neighbour seemed confused. She was unaware of any threat, probably because she'd heard the douchebag-friendly abridged version. But she (and her mum) listened to my side of things, and heard me out when I told her that we aren't confrontational people, she knows that full well. We keep ourselves to ourselves and avoid fighting. Then I explained the situation with the fence - that because of the layout of things and the size difference between our dogs, it was unlikely that Kaitlyn was able to get at that dog's paw.
But one thing had yet to be cleared up: the note that she had pushed through the door. It indicated that she thought Dad had a problem with her, but during the argument yesterday he didn't mention her name or anything about her; merely defended Kaitlyn and asked that guy to control his dog. So where had she got the idea that he had a problem with her?
Well, it turns out this guy has accused my Dad of being racist.
At this point I should clarify that Stalker Neighbour is not white. Her two guests are, but she is of Caribbean descent. Race was never a factor in this conflict - not to us, anyway. And even last year when we'd been friends and I decided to minimise contact with her, race was not the cause - it was the fact that she was emotionally smothering at a time when I was still highly fragile. It was the fact that she was falling out with people all the time and I was hearing two different stories (hers often self-contradictory and highly confusing) and didn't know who to believe, so I was effectively cutting two people out of my life. It was the fact that I was giving her inches and taking miles, to use a cliche. Her race and culture was something I acknowledged and appreciated, but I chose to distance myself over character flaws that were not tied to her race.
But now this (white) guy has accused my Dad of being racist, it brings race into the equation and makes the whole situation infinitely more complicated.
I told Stalker Neighbour that my Dad wasn't racist, and definitely hadn't said anything racist during that confrontation. I can tell when he's fibbing and, to be honest, using a racist slur or statement is highly unlike him.
See, the relationship I have with my Dad is one where I don't let him get away with shit. I just don't believe in blindly defending family members when they're clearly in the wrong. I believe in justice, which means that if my Dad says or does something offensive, even just accidentally, I call him out on it. Doesn't matter if he's my Dad, if he does something that isn't okay, I give him hell. I've lived with him long enough to know what he's like, how he talks when he lies, what his opinions on things are, how he behaves.
I'm pretty confident this time that he was telling the truth. It's pretty typical of my Dad to just silently walk away when dealing with somebody who makes such a quick leap towards physical threats. And I've never heard him be deliberately racist in his life. He has some unfortunate opinions on immigration that sometimes teeters that way (following which I verbally tear him a new asshole), but that's for another story.
So yeah. I said what I had to say. Her mum, trying to get her two cents in I suppose, said "at the end of the day, it's about the fence". I was thinking "wtf, no it isn't, I came here because your daughter's lodgers or whatever the hell they are threatened my dad" but didn't say anything. I just came home, related the conversation to Dad, and that was pretty much it. We haven't heard anything since last night.
Before my second shift at work, I went and bought four trellises while they were on offer in our store. They aren't perfect, but whatever. I've since seen that the gap at the bottom of the fence is nowhere near big enough for Kaitlyn to get through, plus there's a rowan tree in the way that prevents the dogs from getting near one another.
But like I said, whatever. As long as we get something up there, does it really matter?
So after my dad told me about the argument with the guy next door and the threats that were made, I was feeling horribly anxious all day. Bit all my nails clean off, horrible acid reflux, couldn't stop shaking, sense of unrelenting dread, brain on overdrive coming up with worst case scenario after worst case scenario.
What if he assaults one of my family, or me??
What if he slashes our car tyres, or breaks our windows?
What if he tries to hurt our pets?
What if he accuses us of something else?
And so on and so forth. All day long. I hate anxiety. I wish I could switch it off.
Dad wanted us to just ignore it and see what else happened. I thought that was a fuckin dumb idea because this dude had just made a violent threat against him that was completely unnecessary and it had to be dealt with. I sat there for a good five minutes, all twitchy over what I was contemplating, and then grabbed my keys and told him I was going out.
I went next door to have a word in person, because after some more digging on Facebook I realised that Stalker Neighbour hadn't deleted her FB, she'd blocked me. Yeah. She shoved a note through our door demanding a response and then closed off a major channel of communication. I'm struggling to see the logic too.
I'm surprised she even answered the door to me. There was a long pause after I knocked and initially heard movement, and at first I thought she'd seen me through the peephole and decided to ignore me. Y'know, because communication. But then she opened the door and I saw her mum behind me in the hall - and in the living room, prowling, the man who had threatened my dad. I gave him only a brief glance before addressing my neighbour, because I didn't want him butting in to our conversation. I knew that if he heard what I had to say, he'd just get all mouthy and aggressive and I'd have to just walk away having achieved nothing.
I asked my neighbour if we could have a private word. Sheepishly, she said she couldn't leave the house because one of her guests was unwell and she was needed "in case of an emergency". Which is odd to me, because they were in fine enough fettle when they were having a go at my dad, and apparently she'd been in St Helens until they texted her about the argument, but okay. Argument happens, suddenly one of her guests becomes deathly ill and she can't leave the house. Seems legit.
I persuaded her to just talk to me on the front with the door closed. So I said to her that I understood there had been an argument, and gave her my dad's side of things - that their dog had instigated things, the guy accused Kaitlyn of biting his dog, Dad (sensing bullshit) asked him to control his dog, then the guy threatened him and everyone went back inside to be angry.
Stalker Neighbour seemed confused. She was unaware of any threat, probably because she'd heard the douchebag-friendly abridged version. But she (and her mum) listened to my side of things, and heard me out when I told her that we aren't confrontational people, she knows that full well. We keep ourselves to ourselves and avoid fighting. Then I explained the situation with the fence - that because of the layout of things and the size difference between our dogs, it was unlikely that Kaitlyn was able to get at that dog's paw.
But one thing had yet to be cleared up: the note that she had pushed through the door. It indicated that she thought Dad had a problem with her, but during the argument yesterday he didn't mention her name or anything about her; merely defended Kaitlyn and asked that guy to control his dog. So where had she got the idea that he had a problem with her?
Well, it turns out this guy has accused my Dad of being racist.
At this point I should clarify that Stalker Neighbour is not white. Her two guests are, but she is of Caribbean descent. Race was never a factor in this conflict - not to us, anyway. And even last year when we'd been friends and I decided to minimise contact with her, race was not the cause - it was the fact that she was emotionally smothering at a time when I was still highly fragile. It was the fact that she was falling out with people all the time and I was hearing two different stories (hers often self-contradictory and highly confusing) and didn't know who to believe, so I was effectively cutting two people out of my life. It was the fact that I was giving her inches and taking miles, to use a cliche. Her race and culture was something I acknowledged and appreciated, but I chose to distance myself over character flaws that were not tied to her race.
But now this (white) guy has accused my Dad of being racist, it brings race into the equation and makes the whole situation infinitely more complicated.
I told Stalker Neighbour that my Dad wasn't racist, and definitely hadn't said anything racist during that confrontation. I can tell when he's fibbing and, to be honest, using a racist slur or statement is highly unlike him.
See, the relationship I have with my Dad is one where I don't let him get away with shit. I just don't believe in blindly defending family members when they're clearly in the wrong. I believe in justice, which means that if my Dad says or does something offensive, even just accidentally, I call him out on it. Doesn't matter if he's my Dad, if he does something that isn't okay, I give him hell. I've lived with him long enough to know what he's like, how he talks when he lies, what his opinions on things are, how he behaves.
I'm pretty confident this time that he was telling the truth. It's pretty typical of my Dad to just silently walk away when dealing with somebody who makes such a quick leap towards physical threats. And I've never heard him be deliberately racist in his life. He has some unfortunate opinions on immigration that sometimes teeters that way (following which I verbally tear him a new asshole), but that's for another story.
So yeah. I said what I had to say. Her mum, trying to get her two cents in I suppose, said "at the end of the day, it's about the fence". I was thinking "wtf, no it isn't, I came here because your daughter's lodgers or whatever the hell they are threatened my dad" but didn't say anything. I just came home, related the conversation to Dad, and that was pretty much it. We haven't heard anything since last night.
Before my second shift at work, I went and bought four trellises while they were on offer in our store. They aren't perfect, but whatever. I've since seen that the gap at the bottom of the fence is nowhere near big enough for Kaitlyn to get through, plus there's a rowan tree in the way that prevents the dogs from getting near one another.
But like I said, whatever. As long as we get something up there, does it really matter?