Uchi, please, no more ass.
Title: It Only Takes One Time
Author: Sam
Fandom: JE, Kanjani8, Ryouchi, Ohyass, Tackey/Tsubasa
Rating: PG-13 - for swearing
Summary: Uchi only did it once but nine months later they all got a surprise.
Warnings: Male Johnny's pregnancy
A/N: WHAT? Ryo is preggers? For seriouz?! I'm sorry, this is what happens after you watch a marothon of Eito Rangers. It just, I, the crack, it happens. It doesn't go away. Oh, I I totez need a Ohyass icon. Someone want to make me one? Yes? YES?!
They had only done it that way once. Uchi had been complaining about how his ass hurt because Ryo was fucking him in it so much, and he was almost crying and so Ryo had just given up and let Uchi fuck him. And it was good, okay, Ryo would freely admit it. It was sex, and to Ryo, as he was a little sexual demon, sex was always good, even when he was getting it from behind. (It did not have anything to do with the fact that he was having sex with Uchi, nor the fact they were in love and destined to happily ever after and all that little fairytale stuff that was better suited to Ohkura and Yasuda, not Ryo and Uchi. Because even though Uchi was princess-like, Ryo wasn't very much like a prince, more like a dragon and in actual fairytales, dragons and princesses did not end up mating.)
And so things, being as they were, went on, as they always had. Ryo and Uchi continued to do "adult things" as Yasuda referred to it, when Ryo slammed Uchi up against the door of their dressing room and the little Kansai Juniors saw. (Oh course, as they were from Kansai they knew a bit more than the relatively native ones from Tokyo, as their paychecks were not so high so some had taken to selling their bodies to some of the older sempais in ways that were not truly legal.)
But then one month later, something different occurred. Ryo awoke in Uchi and his extra, super soft bed, his leg around Uchi and he had to throw up. It was strange, as Ryo detested alcohol and thus had no hangover, and had just eaten something Uchi had cooked last night and Uchi's cooking was actually rather good, Ryo even liked to brag about it to Ohkura, because Yasuda's cooking was rather like eating burnt dirt, except both Ryo and Ohkura bet that the dirt might taste better. And so, he probably wasn't sick off of it. But still, he puked and puked and continued to puke as Uchi ran out of the house screaming and crying and screaming, "Oh my poor toilet I shall have to buy a new bathroom!" Which meant that Ryo was probably going to have to fork over a large amount of money to the buying of a new house, a new bed and a fourteen new outfits for Uchi, because the puke had, of course, infected them all.
Ryo had called in sick that day, as had Uchi, who had put on his nurse outfit ("I always wondered what I bought this for!") And nursed Ryo with crackers for the rest of the day.
But even so, the next morning Ryo woke up, (this time in his hard bed with the skirt of Uchi's nurse uniform on his head and Uchi's arm on his ass) he had to throw up again. And so after a few rounds of OH NO! I had to get fitted for that nurse uniform, Ryo! Uchi did the smart thing and called in the doctor. The doctor came, looking surprisingly like Murakami just in a doctor uniform and with grey hair, and asked in a Murakami-like voice, "So what's wrong?"
Ryo raised a very Ryo-like questioning eyebrow and then answered, "I keep throwing up."
The doctor grunted and wrote something on his clipboard. "Ryo-chan, I'm going to ask you some questions. Now please answer them with the utter most honesty. First, have you and Uchi Hiroki engaged in anything of a sexual manner?"
Ryo didn't blush, instead he grinned. "Oh course."
The doctor grunted again and wrote something on his clipboard. "Has Uchi Hiroki ever penetrated you?"
Ryo sort of half blushed and half grinned. "Once."
The doctor grunted trice and wrote something again. "Do you do any of the following: sleep with stuffed animals, wet the bed, masturbate to Murakami Shingo's name?"
"I sleep with this little kangaroo plushie that Uchi gave me. And when I was five, I wet the bed. And Marukami's a sexy -- Wait! What does this have to do with anything?" Ryo glared.
The doctor just grunted. "Well, Ryo-chan, I suppose congratulations are in order. You're going to be a mother! Ryo? Ryo?!" But Ryo had passed out.
::
Uchi took to the news that he was going to be a father in the way only Uchi could. ("Oh my goodness! Shopping!" "Now you finally have to commit, now that you're knocked up and all!") And there was some squealing and something about how he had to call Yasuda, because of course, he and Yasuda had a bond that came from their days in V.West ("You wouldn't understand Ryo, we have bond! I have to call him! I'm going to be a father! A father~!") And so after a four hour phone call to Yasuda, during which Uchi put Ryo on the phone to talk to Yasuda, because Yasuda, having been impregnated by Okura a total of fourteen and half times (As he was also with babe), was all-knowing and would of course, be the best person for Ryo to go for if he was scared or nervous about giving birth because, as Yasuda told him in his little I'm a mother named Yasuda voice "Giving birth is scary and frightening and it's okay if you cry because we will all be there for you. But it's not that bad, just like falling off a log." At which point Ryo just threw up again and then Uchi freaked and got out the disinfectant, because, "This part of childbirth is the most crucial, Ryo! I won't let anything happen to our baby!"
And Ryo just rolled his eyes at Uchi and told Uchi he looked pretty sexy with that disinfectant in his hand and Uchi screamed and Ryo screamed and they ended up having sex right there because Ryo was horny and Uchi was horny and they were both just horny freaks. Who were going to have a baby.
::
At first, nothing out of the normal happened. Ryo was still Ryo and he was snarky and mean and he wanted to have an unusual amount of sex and he'd even stopped throwing up. So, it made sense to him that this whole thing was stupid and he was actually not bearing Uchi's offspring, because that was stupid. Ryo wasn't in the least bit girlish, if anyone was going to get pregnant, it was going to be Uchi and this was crazy and stupid and then Ryo started to cry.
It was right in the middle of practice, and Yu was dancing and Yasuda and Okura were feeding their twins (Yasuda was the kind of mother who would just whip out his boobs in public and breast feed. It was quite embarrassing for all parties involved) and Subaru and Maru were having a conversation with Subaru's tattoo, and Ryo just started crying. And he was crying about how he was going to get fat, and how his boobs had started to hurt and how he was going to have a kid, and how it was all Uchi's fault and how Uchi was going to have to start buying them condoms and how when he stood up he couldn't see his ankles and then Yu said, trying to make him feel better of course, said that Ryo could never see his ankles it wasn't just because he was pregnant and Ryo started to cry even more and then luckily for our Kansai boys, Tackey and Tsubasa walked by.
Tackey and Tsubasa, who are, as everyone knows, good sempais to everyone and so when they heard Ryo crying they came to do their sempai duty. "Ryo, I heard about you and Uchi! CONGRATULATIONS!" Tackey said, slapping Ryo on the back, like a dad would, which just made Ryo cry more.
Tsubasa gave Tackey his Tsubasa look of Tackey stop being stupid this instant! and Tackey straightened up, immediately giving Tsubasa a loving Yes Dear! sort of grin. Tsubasa smiled and gave Ryo a soft smile. "Ryo, you know, Tackey and I have three kids ourselves."
Tackey laced his hands into Tsubasa's. "Yeah, last year, when Tsubasa turned Mexican -" Tsubasa promptly hit Tackey on the head and hissed Hispanic, Tackey, not Mexican! That's being racist! "Hispanic, I kept popping out kids all over the place."
Ryo looked up at Tackey, Tackey who was his sempai, Tackey who had been through this before and dried his eyes. "You mean you gave birth? But I thought - I thought it was only the girly ones. I thought, Yasuda...and Tegoshi. They, all girl. But you? And me? Why not him and Uchi?" Ryo gestured at Tsubasa, who was eating a taco. "Why me?"
"Ryo, surely you know by know that you are a Johnny. And a Johnny, a Johnny isn't even human. It's always the manly one that gets pregnant. You should have known that Tegoshi rides Masuda like a little whore." Tackey hit Ryo on the top of the head in a very sempai manner. "But don't be nervous, giving birth, it's just like falling off a log. You have to take it in its stride."
::
Soon after the whole sempai talk, Ryo decided that being preggers wasn't so bad. Before he was "with child" Uchi wouldn't let him eat all he wanted, especially not bowls and bowls of ramen and he had a one pizza a month rule, but now that Ryo was "carrying his child" Uchi let Ryo eat whatever he wanted after all it was "for the baby". Life was also relatively more easy as he was not allowed to do any heavy lifting (Which meant that Uchi no long made Ryo carry him over mud puddles so his new pair of shoes wouldn't get dirty) and when Ryo got really, really horny he could just blame it on his hormones instead of the fact that Ryo was really just a horny little bastard who thought his boyfriend was a fucking hot little ho with a tight ass that he liked to bang.
That was until the incident with the pants.
They were Ryo's favorite pants because his ass looked good in them and because it was really easy to just take his cock out and fuck Uchi in them because they had a special zipper like thing that Ryo had bought, and well, they had always fit Ryo perfectly. And Ryo had wanted to wear them, because Uchi was being really princess-y that evening and had bought some new lip gloss and matching lubrication and well, it had seemed perfect. That was until Ryo couldn't zip them up. In fact, the fat ass, couldn't even button them, nor could he get them over his thighs. And so Ryo, being very emo, let his pants fall down to the ground and being half naked started crying and wishing the world would go to hell and finally found solace in a extra large bag of super fat chips and dipped them in lard and had to hear how he wasn't fat the whole night from Uchi.
::
The next six months past with a few more incidences, ("So what if it's a maternity dress Ryo! You wear dresses all the time on T.V.!" "Just breathe! Look at Yasuda! He's doing it. Stop crying. Stupid." "I don't care, fall down the steps if you want. I'm buying the pink outfit and that's final."), but they actually got through it without much difficulty. ("Ryo, you like it when I suck on your nipples, I don't see how breast feeding is much different. Babies don't even have teeth.")
And so, one day, when Ryo and Uchi were having sex (to induce labor, of course) Uchi was giving Ryo head (And very good head) and all of the sudden water started pouring. "OH MY GOD! IT'S RAINING MEN!" Uchi said, and he was almost right, except there were no mean and it was actually not rain but actually Ryo's water breaking.
And so there was an incident involving Uchi choosing whether or not to bring the toaster and then they, being all of Kanjani8 and select members of the Kansai Juniors who had been given jobs like "Official Placenta Measurer" and "Catcher of Uchi When He Faints" grabbed the luggage and pilled into the car. (They ended up bring the toaster, which proved to be a very good decision when Uchi wanted a peanut butter sandwich and as he is picky, he could not eat it without toasting the bread beforehand.)
Ryo was rushed into the hospital - held up by fifteen different Kansai Juniors - and his labor lasted a total of fifteen minutes. It was a record in the hospital. However, that wasn't the only record broken that night.
::
"Can we see him now?" Uchi asked, he had eaten all his fingernails and had started to eat his hair and looked a real wreak and was freaking out screaming "My Ryo! My poor Ryo! I let him fuck me all the time. And I won't complain. And I won't make him buy me stuff. And he can eat all the pizza he wants. Just let him be okay. Never again. No more babies." because he kept hearing the sound of someone, who sounded like Ryo screaming, "Uchi, you are dead meat. My cock. Oh, my poor cock."
The nurse, who looked a lot like Murakami, nodded, and said, "Oh course," in a very Murakami-like voice.
And so they entered. And what a sight did they see. "Uchi Hiroki, met our son."
"He's a big boy."
"I heard ten pounds."
"Must have been all that pizza."
"Oh, he's so cute! Wait! Did he just do a hip thrust?"
"I wonder if Ryo would mind if I got his nose pierced? He'd look cute with one, don't you think?"
Oh course, Ryo and Uchi weren't listening, they were too busy looking at their son, their son, Ryoki, and too busy swearing that they'd have ten more, after all, there wasn't anything to it, it was just like falling off a log.
Author: Sam
Fandom: JE, Kanjani8, Ryouchi, Ohyass, Tackey/Tsubasa
Rating: PG-13 - for swearing
Summary: Uchi only did it once but nine months later they all got a surprise.
Warnings: Male Johnny's pregnancy
A/N: WHAT? Ryo is preggers? For seriouz?! I'm sorry, this is what happens after you watch a marothon of Eito Rangers. It just, I, the crack, it happens. It doesn't go away. Oh, I I totez need a Ohyass icon. Someone want to make me one? Yes? YES?!
They had only done it that way once. Uchi had been complaining about how his ass hurt because Ryo was fucking him in it so much, and he was almost crying and so Ryo had just given up and let Uchi fuck him. And it was good, okay, Ryo would freely admit it. It was sex, and to Ryo, as he was a little sexual demon, sex was always good, even when he was getting it from behind. (It did not have anything to do with the fact that he was having sex with Uchi, nor the fact they were in love and destined to happily ever after and all that little fairytale stuff that was better suited to Ohkura and Yasuda, not Ryo and Uchi. Because even though Uchi was princess-like, Ryo wasn't very much like a prince, more like a dragon and in actual fairytales, dragons and princesses did not end up mating.)
And so things, being as they were, went on, as they always had. Ryo and Uchi continued to do "adult things" as Yasuda referred to it, when Ryo slammed Uchi up against the door of their dressing room and the little Kansai Juniors saw. (Oh course, as they were from Kansai they knew a bit more than the relatively native ones from Tokyo, as their paychecks were not so high so some had taken to selling their bodies to some of the older sempais in ways that were not truly legal.)
But then one month later, something different occurred. Ryo awoke in Uchi and his extra, super soft bed, his leg around Uchi and he had to throw up. It was strange, as Ryo detested alcohol and thus had no hangover, and had just eaten something Uchi had cooked last night and Uchi's cooking was actually rather good, Ryo even liked to brag about it to Ohkura, because Yasuda's cooking was rather like eating burnt dirt, except both Ryo and Ohkura bet that the dirt might taste better. And so, he probably wasn't sick off of it. But still, he puked and puked and continued to puke as Uchi ran out of the house screaming and crying and screaming, "Oh my poor toilet I shall have to buy a new bathroom!" Which meant that Ryo was probably going to have to fork over a large amount of money to the buying of a new house, a new bed and a fourteen new outfits for Uchi, because the puke had, of course, infected them all.
Ryo had called in sick that day, as had Uchi, who had put on his nurse outfit ("I always wondered what I bought this for!") And nursed Ryo with crackers for the rest of the day.
But even so, the next morning Ryo woke up, (this time in his hard bed with the skirt of Uchi's nurse uniform on his head and Uchi's arm on his ass) he had to throw up again. And so after a few rounds of OH NO! I had to get fitted for that nurse uniform, Ryo! Uchi did the smart thing and called in the doctor. The doctor came, looking surprisingly like Murakami just in a doctor uniform and with grey hair, and asked in a Murakami-like voice, "So what's wrong?"
Ryo raised a very Ryo-like questioning eyebrow and then answered, "I keep throwing up."
The doctor grunted and wrote something on his clipboard. "Ryo-chan, I'm going to ask you some questions. Now please answer them with the utter most honesty. First, have you and Uchi Hiroki engaged in anything of a sexual manner?"
Ryo didn't blush, instead he grinned. "Oh course."
The doctor grunted again and wrote something on his clipboard. "Has Uchi Hiroki ever penetrated you?"
Ryo sort of half blushed and half grinned. "Once."
The doctor grunted trice and wrote something again. "Do you do any of the following: sleep with stuffed animals, wet the bed, masturbate to Murakami Shingo's name?"
"I sleep with this little kangaroo plushie that Uchi gave me. And when I was five, I wet the bed. And Marukami's a sexy -- Wait! What does this have to do with anything?" Ryo glared.
The doctor just grunted. "Well, Ryo-chan, I suppose congratulations are in order. You're going to be a mother! Ryo? Ryo?!" But Ryo had passed out.
::
Uchi took to the news that he was going to be a father in the way only Uchi could. ("Oh my goodness! Shopping!" "Now you finally have to commit, now that you're knocked up and all!") And there was some squealing and something about how he had to call Yasuda, because of course, he and Yasuda had a bond that came from their days in V.West ("You wouldn't understand Ryo, we have bond! I have to call him! I'm going to be a father! A father~!") And so after a four hour phone call to Yasuda, during which Uchi put Ryo on the phone to talk to Yasuda, because Yasuda, having been impregnated by Okura a total of fourteen and half times (As he was also with babe), was all-knowing and would of course, be the best person for Ryo to go for if he was scared or nervous about giving birth because, as Yasuda told him in his little I'm a mother named Yasuda voice "Giving birth is scary and frightening and it's okay if you cry because we will all be there for you. But it's not that bad, just like falling off a log." At which point Ryo just threw up again and then Uchi freaked and got out the disinfectant, because, "This part of childbirth is the most crucial, Ryo! I won't let anything happen to our baby!"
And Ryo just rolled his eyes at Uchi and told Uchi he looked pretty sexy with that disinfectant in his hand and Uchi screamed and Ryo screamed and they ended up having sex right there because Ryo was horny and Uchi was horny and they were both just horny freaks. Who were going to have a baby.
::
At first, nothing out of the normal happened. Ryo was still Ryo and he was snarky and mean and he wanted to have an unusual amount of sex and he'd even stopped throwing up. So, it made sense to him that this whole thing was stupid and he was actually not bearing Uchi's offspring, because that was stupid. Ryo wasn't in the least bit girlish, if anyone was going to get pregnant, it was going to be Uchi and this was crazy and stupid and then Ryo started to cry.
It was right in the middle of practice, and Yu was dancing and Yasuda and Okura were feeding their twins (Yasuda was the kind of mother who would just whip out his boobs in public and breast feed. It was quite embarrassing for all parties involved) and Subaru and Maru were having a conversation with Subaru's tattoo, and Ryo just started crying. And he was crying about how he was going to get fat, and how his boobs had started to hurt and how he was going to have a kid, and how it was all Uchi's fault and how Uchi was going to have to start buying them condoms and how when he stood up he couldn't see his ankles and then Yu said, trying to make him feel better of course, said that Ryo could never see his ankles it wasn't just because he was pregnant and Ryo started to cry even more and then luckily for our Kansai boys, Tackey and Tsubasa walked by.
Tackey and Tsubasa, who are, as everyone knows, good sempais to everyone and so when they heard Ryo crying they came to do their sempai duty. "Ryo, I heard about you and Uchi! CONGRATULATIONS!" Tackey said, slapping Ryo on the back, like a dad would, which just made Ryo cry more.
Tsubasa gave Tackey his Tsubasa look of Tackey stop being stupid this instant! and Tackey straightened up, immediately giving Tsubasa a loving Yes Dear! sort of grin. Tsubasa smiled and gave Ryo a soft smile. "Ryo, you know, Tackey and I have three kids ourselves."
Tackey laced his hands into Tsubasa's. "Yeah, last year, when Tsubasa turned Mexican -" Tsubasa promptly hit Tackey on the head and hissed Hispanic, Tackey, not Mexican! That's being racist! "Hispanic, I kept popping out kids all over the place."
Ryo looked up at Tackey, Tackey who was his sempai, Tackey who had been through this before and dried his eyes. "You mean you gave birth? But I thought - I thought it was only the girly ones. I thought, Yasuda...and Tegoshi. They, all girl. But you? And me? Why not him and Uchi?" Ryo gestured at Tsubasa, who was eating a taco. "Why me?"
"Ryo, surely you know by know that you are a Johnny. And a Johnny, a Johnny isn't even human. It's always the manly one that gets pregnant. You should have known that Tegoshi rides Masuda like a little whore." Tackey hit Ryo on the top of the head in a very sempai manner. "But don't be nervous, giving birth, it's just like falling off a log. You have to take it in its stride."
::
Soon after the whole sempai talk, Ryo decided that being preggers wasn't so bad. Before he was "with child" Uchi wouldn't let him eat all he wanted, especially not bowls and bowls of ramen and he had a one pizza a month rule, but now that Ryo was "carrying his child" Uchi let Ryo eat whatever he wanted after all it was "for the baby". Life was also relatively more easy as he was not allowed to do any heavy lifting (Which meant that Uchi no long made Ryo carry him over mud puddles so his new pair of shoes wouldn't get dirty) and when Ryo got really, really horny he could just blame it on his hormones instead of the fact that Ryo was really just a horny little bastard who thought his boyfriend was a fucking hot little ho with a tight ass that he liked to bang.
That was until the incident with the pants.
They were Ryo's favorite pants because his ass looked good in them and because it was really easy to just take his cock out and fuck Uchi in them because they had a special zipper like thing that Ryo had bought, and well, they had always fit Ryo perfectly. And Ryo had wanted to wear them, because Uchi was being really princess-y that evening and had bought some new lip gloss and matching lubrication and well, it had seemed perfect. That was until Ryo couldn't zip them up. In fact, the fat ass, couldn't even button them, nor could he get them over his thighs. And so Ryo, being very emo, let his pants fall down to the ground and being half naked started crying and wishing the world would go to hell and finally found solace in a extra large bag of super fat chips and dipped them in lard and had to hear how he wasn't fat the whole night from Uchi.
::
The next six months past with a few more incidences, ("So what if it's a maternity dress Ryo! You wear dresses all the time on T.V.!" "Just breathe! Look at Yasuda! He's doing it. Stop crying. Stupid." "I don't care, fall down the steps if you want. I'm buying the pink outfit and that's final."), but they actually got through it without much difficulty. ("Ryo, you like it when I suck on your nipples, I don't see how breast feeding is much different. Babies don't even have teeth.")
And so, one day, when Ryo and Uchi were having sex (to induce labor, of course) Uchi was giving Ryo head (And very good head) and all of the sudden water started pouring. "OH MY GOD! IT'S RAINING MEN!" Uchi said, and he was almost right, except there were no mean and it was actually not rain but actually Ryo's water breaking.
And so there was an incident involving Uchi choosing whether or not to bring the toaster and then they, being all of Kanjani8 and select members of the Kansai Juniors who had been given jobs like "Official Placenta Measurer" and "Catcher of Uchi When He Faints" grabbed the luggage and pilled into the car. (They ended up bring the toaster, which proved to be a very good decision when Uchi wanted a peanut butter sandwich and as he is picky, he could not eat it without toasting the bread beforehand.)
Ryo was rushed into the hospital - held up by fifteen different Kansai Juniors - and his labor lasted a total of fifteen minutes. It was a record in the hospital. However, that wasn't the only record broken that night.
::
"Can we see him now?" Uchi asked, he had eaten all his fingernails and had started to eat his hair and looked a real wreak and was freaking out screaming "My Ryo! My poor Ryo! I let him fuck me all the time. And I won't complain. And I won't make him buy me stuff. And he can eat all the pizza he wants. Just let him be okay. Never again. No more babies." because he kept hearing the sound of someone, who sounded like Ryo screaming, "Uchi, you are dead meat. My cock. Oh, my poor cock."
The nurse, who looked a lot like Murakami, nodded, and said, "Oh course," in a very Murakami-like voice.
And so they entered. And what a sight did they see. "Uchi Hiroki, met our son."
"He's a big boy."
"I heard ten pounds."
"Must have been all that pizza."
"Oh, he's so cute! Wait! Did he just do a hip thrust?"
"I wonder if Ryo would mind if I got his nose pierced? He'd look cute with one, don't you think?"
Oh course, Ryo and Uchi weren't listening, they were too busy looking at their son, their son, Ryoki, and too busy swearing that they'd have ten more, after all, there wasn't anything to it, it was just like falling off a log.