Title: Therapeutic
Author: Sam
Rating: PG-13
Fandom: JE, Kanjani8, Ohyass, AU
Summary: He needed Yasuda to understand that he could be his answer. He could be more than a psychologist, more than a therapist. He could be his relief. He could be his forever and they could be each other's happily ever after.
Disclaimer: Whereas, I do own a pretty cheap ass blue bracelet, I do not own Ohkura or Yasu.
A/N: This was written after seeing those damn looks that Ohkura has. When he's playing his drums. THEY ARE FUCKING SEXY AND SCARY AND I DO EVEN KNOW! I JUST LOVE THEM. Also, to
konliza because your little Harry Potter like fic thing that eats my brain makes you a whore. And I love it. Yes.
"Sensei," and his smile is one of complete innocence, of wonder, of something Ohkura has seen a million times over and still can't explain what about it reaches out at his heartstrings and makes him want to embrace him in the warmness of his arms, makes his want to hold him forever and ever, promise him that all his worries, his problems will disappear if he'll just agree. "I know I don't have an appointment, but I - I needed to see you." The way he says needed, unless Ohkura's ears are deceiving him, is like he actually needs Ohkura and it makes Ohkura's chest tighten and Ohkura smiles back at him, unable to stop the fantasies from forming in his head.
"It's fine, Yasuda-san." Ohkura gestures at his usual seat, that black leather one that he's spilt some of his darkest, dirtiest secrets at. The seat that Ohkura will sit in sometimes and still feel his body heat, still smell his shampoo.
Yasuda sits, quietly, gracefully and shakes his head. "I know it's stupid," he always thinks everything he does is stupid. But to Ohkura, everything, every movement, every word, every gasp of air is something borderline fantastic."It's just I sort of depend on you. Every time I freak out about something, I feel like I need to talk to you about it." Yasuda shakes his head and looks down at his fingers, the nervous act appealing to Ohkura in the most wonderful way.
Ohkura reaches over and presses a button on his phone, connecting him to his secretary whose office is in the next room. "Yokoyama-san, cancel all my appointments for the afternoon, I'm afraid something came up." Ohkura grins down at Yasuda, but Yasuda is flexing his fingers and misses it completely.
"Today," he begins as soon as Ohkura's fingertip leaves the intercom, "Today was almost good. I was smiling and thinking the world was good and not so dark, and I ate lunch, and then, I don't know what happened. I just snapped. I was sitting in the train and someone came by, and I don't know what it was, his cologne, the way he stood, something and I just couldn't stop. I was crying and crying and everyone was looking but I couldn't stop, I just kept crying, but I wasn't being loud, so, I don't know why, and I just wanted them to stop, I just wanted everyone to look the other way and pretend nothing was happening and so I stood up and got out at the next exit and before I knew it, here I was."
Ohkura makes a grunting sound, completely nonjudgmental and Yasuda looks at him, his eyes shining with need and Ohkura nods at him to continue.
"I just don't know what's wrong with me." Yasuda proceeds, still studying his fingers, the beauty of them is not lost on Ohkura, he's seen them, beautiful, not long but still graceful like the rest of Yasuda, still thin, still creamy, and Ohkura's had a million fantasies about them, about them touching him, about them feeling him, about them stroking him. "You'd think after all this time I'd be over him. But he's gone and my world is still so lonely." Yasuda bits down on his lower lip, that plump, pink lip and Okura watches him and his pink lips, the way his teeth bit down on it makes his cock swell in his trousers. Shit. He needed a solution to this attraction. He needed Yasuda to understand that he could be his answer. He could be more than a psychologist, more than a therapist. He could be his relief. He could be his forever and they could be each other's happily ever after.
Ohkura can remember when Yasuda first stumbled into his office, a boy, small and little and trying to smile when his world was crumbling. He'd been all of twenty-five and Ohkura had been a year younger, still trying to find himself too. And then he had. He'd lost himself in the ramblings of a man, not quite grown, still caught up on a lost lover, someone who wasn't ever coming back. And Ohkura had gained his trust with a nod and a smile and a little bit of understanding. There relationship had transpired beyond that of therapist and patient and into the realm of true love. Ohkura felt connected to the man, to him, to Yasuda, more than he had anyone. He dreamt about his face, his body, the way Yasuda was short but still graceful, the way he stumbled over words with a laugh and a smile, and sometimes, the way sometimes he was dead inside and the only person who could reach him was Ohkura. Ohkura was the only one who knew everything, and the only one who ever would.
"Yasuda-san," "Ohkura clears his throat, giving off a professional facade when inside he's anything but, "I've been thinking. I - I think I know a way to help you." For so long it had just been Ohkura listening while Yasuda spoke, and that had been where Yasuda had found solace, Ohkura wonders if Yasuda finds this new turn scary or strange or interesting.
"A solution?" He asks the question, his eyes raising to study Ohkura in one look, something that made Ohkura ask himself if he's attractive, something that Ohkura had never had to ask himself before.
His reply comes out unclear and blurry. "A solution. However, it's risky and I can't make any promises. However, I'd like to try." Ohkura grins, a grin that he hopes tells Yasuda that everything is alright, everything is okay, that if he'll just continue to trust him everything will be perfect in the end. He's rewarded with a smirk back.
"Give it your best shot, Sensei."
::
It's a shotgun, a starting point. Something that thunders in Ohkura's head, as his thoughts stumble and he confuses reality with his imagination. "I want you to remain seated, I'm going to try some things." Ohkura stands and walks over behind Yasuda's chair.
Yasuda smells so good, some sort of fragrance that's more than just something bought in a store and sprayed on before he leaves for work. It's enthralling and raw and makes Ohkura's head spin.
Ohkura takes a deep breath of Yasuda, testing his strength. He's never been this close before and he's testing it out. The feeling, knowing that they are in the same air, looking down and seeing the top of Yasuda's head, he's so close he can hear Yasuda's breath in his ear, a little bit ragged, he's nervous of course, people are always afraid of the unknown. "You smell good," Okura says bending over and whispering the words into Yasuda's, his breath a light dusting and he knows Yasuda feels it - the desire in the air, the humming vibration that they're attracted to each other.
"Um - I - yes, thanks." Yasuda is glued to his chair, his body not moving, cold as a stature as he doesn't relax.
Okura laughs. Something deep, something naughty, something verging on sexual, and takes his hand and moves it closer, closer to touching Yasuda, to stroking his cheek, the cheek he's had a million plus fantasies about.
He's touched Yasuda twice. Once, the first time he'd met him, they had shaken hands because Ohkura had demanded it, Ohkura had still remember Yasuda's small hand, the lean but short finger tips in his palm, can still remember how he let his thumb gracefully rub the outside of Yasuda's palm, and how Yasuda sort of smiled at him, in that smile that was like an mischievous elf, the smile that when Ohkura closed his eyes he still saw.
The next had been different. Yasuda had been talking and crying and had worked himself up to the state of frenzy and Ohkura had suggested - or no, he'd truly forced him to rest on the leather couch, while Ohkura did paperwork. Yasuda had slept, his chest raising and falling with every breath and Ohkura had watched him. He hadn't quite meant to, in fact, he had gotten some paper work done, but out of the corner of his eye, or every time he flipped the paper he would see him, and then, the temptation got too bad, too strong and Ohkura had finally walked over and, and he'd walked over there and just stood. Oh, he had wanted to touch him. Wanted to feel his soft smooth skin, wanted to dust his fingers over his abs, his arms, wanted to grab his hand and just hold it. But he'd been too afraid, too frightened that Yasuda would awake and run and never return, and so he had stood there for seconds still, watching the lowlights play on Yasuda's smooth skin, perfect, blemish free, intoxicating and then he'd reached out and stroked Yasuda's hair.
It had been just as amazing as the rest of Yasuda, still so soft, and he'd only touched it for a few seconds, but he was already thinking about how he in a moment of passion he would eventually grab it and pull it because the pleasure, the feeling of being in Yasuda would be too great.
Ohkura takes his finger and moves it slowly, oh so slowly, down Yasuda's cheek, testing the soft skin, feeling it, warm beneath his touch, just enjoying it. He'd never even thought that it'd be like this.
"Damn. And you feel even better, Shota." The name feels almost foreign on his tongue like the English he'd had to learn in college. However, this type of foreign he knows he can get used to. It's intoxicating, and Ohkura knows he can go to sleep with the name on his tongue and can wake up still saying it, still letting it linger, and he knows that all through out his dreams he'll still be saying it, still be thinking it. Mumbling it while the times get tough and screaming it in the throes of ecstasy, when able to let loose and come.
At first Shota doesn't move, and Ohkura wonders if Shota can feel his touch, if Shota gets anything from his touch, but then Shota moves his cheek, almost rubs up against him like a cat screaming to be pet that doesn't speak and that's his way of giving Ohkura permission, permission to do what, Ohkura doesn't know but he does know that if he starts he's going to have to finish, not that he'll ever be truly finished with Shota.
"Shota, do you know? Do you realize? Realize how long I've wanted you? The first time, the first time I saw you. You're so beautiful, so sweet, so perfect. I've wanted you forever. Every time, after you'd leave, I'd go home, still thinking about you, about your voice, the way you move you hands, the way you smile, and at night, I'd think, think about holding you, touching you, feeling you, loving you. But, I didn't, who knew you'd be so soft? Who knew?"
Ohkura strokes Shota's cheek using all four fingers, trailing them down his neck and even down to his collar. "I - Sensei." The word makes Ohkura stop. He's not Sensei, he's Ohkura - Tadayoshi.
"Tadayoshi." Ohkura breaths, his mouth still almost hovering by Shota's ear, as Shota's breath increases slightly. "My name, Ohkura Tadayoshi."
Shota turns his head slightly, he faces him, looks Ohkura right in the face and says it. "Tadayoshi." And there is something in the way he says it. Something in the way it lingers there, in the air, floating around, almost idly that makes Ohkura take a step back and have to collect his thoughts. He'd planned this. He thought about it. Seducing Shota. Touching Shota. Kissing Shota. But now, now that it was here, that he could just reach out and touch him, reach out and be with him, now that it was just an arm's reach away, it was different. It was real. No longer was he stuck in a fantasy world, he was here, in the real one. Now things could mess up.
But he has to do it. It's now or never and Ohkura knows he has to pick now. He has to begin the rest of his life in the next three seconds. And so he takes a step forward. Another. Ohkura walks forward, something he's never done before. He's never taken a risk, never done something that could end up with results that he wouldn't be able to sort through. But he does it with another step and then again. He walks towards Shota, his Shota, the Shota that's been his in his head for so long, He comes around, around the chair, the chair that Shota's sitting in, the same chair that Shota was sitting in when Ohkura fell in love with him, he walks over and straddles Shota's legs.
"Is this - is it okay?" Ohkura asks, gesturing at the two of them, somewhat hopelessly, and looking down into Shota's brown eyes.
Shota nods, looking up at Ohkura expectantly and then he does a crazy thing, a completely crazy thing, he presses their lips together. It's a kiss of sly seduction, something that makes Ohkura almost melt and he melts against Shota, his mouth sliding and sweet and Shota tastes like chocolate, all gooey warm, and he tastes like something that Ohkura has known before, and their kissing is slightly more frantic now, and Shota's just put his tongue in his mouth, and it's moving against his and Ohkura bits Shota's lips trying to eat him, trying to devour him like he'd devour a chocolate bar. And all the while they are moving, moving against each other and touching each other and Ohkura's hands are in Shota's air and he's pulling at it, tight and strong and pulling Shota's head down so he can kiss down Shota's neck and suck at the skin there, and mark him, make sure everyone knows that he's his.
And then he breaks away, and he's going to bring his mouth back up, and he's going to kiss Shota again, because kissing Shota is better than he'd ever thought it would be, it's so amazing and so wonderful and so just so everything, and he knows that maybe, that probably he'll never get tired of it, and so he brings his mouth back up and he looks at Shota's face, Shota's beautiful face, and stares at Shota's face, and sees it, he sees it, in Shota's eyes. Something. Something that he can't name, but something that he wants to know.
"You don't remember me, do you?" Shota asks, still staring at Ohkura's face, still with that same look, still looking beautiful and something in his words, something makes Ohkura ask himself, have they met before? "You don't remember? Being in college, meeting me at that bookstore, your eyes followed me the whole time, until I walked up to you. Remember Tadayoshi? You took me to eat yakitori, we laughed, and you told me that your family wanted you to take over the business but you wanted, remember? You wanted to be a psychologist. We spent the whole night in each others arms and then, then in the morning you told me you loved me and I told you I didn't know and I ran and I told you that one day, one day I'd be back. Tadayoshi, you're him. The man I lost so long ago. Don't you remember?"
And he did. Yassan. The only name he'd ever know, the one person he'd been lost in. The person he'd tried to repress so long, that now the memories can't stop flowing back to the surface. He can still see it. He'd been standing against the study manga, trying to look like he was actually studying, but all he'd been doing was watching him. Yassan. He looks different now. More mature, more lovely, but Ohkura can still see the way his face had changed when Ohkura had asked him to Yakitori, and then he'd told him everything. Everything that he'd always wanted to tell someone but had been too afraid to. He told him how he liked grilled chicken, but he didn't want to do it for the rest of his life. He told him how he wanted to listen to people's problems, how he wanted someone, how he was lonely, and how he liked him. How Yassan made him feel special, how the way Yassan smiled at him made him feel like the world was perfect. The night had been wonderful, and in the morning Ohkura had woken him up with words of love, a declaration that was too soon too fast but also too right. It had ended before it had really began, and here they were. "I, yes." Ohkura mumbles, wanting to kiss Yassan again, wanting to kiss Shota. Wanting to kiss both of them, and knowing that they were both creatures of the same being made everything alright.
"I love you too." Shota says, words years overdue, but not, Ohkura thinks, too late.
::
Ohkura and Yasuda make me hurt. Hearts? :D