I don't know who to trust...no surprise...
Ironic how most of my subject titles come from depressing songs here ALOT lately or rather from Linkin Park ne? Oh well...I put how I feel..and that is how I feel. Where my parents are concerned at least. I came back from my friends..and I had fun...or at least that is what I told her...anyone know how I put I rarely lie in one of my previous blogs/entries...well I'll take that back. I do when I have no wish to hurt anyone..and tonight is ONE example. My friend had homework and studying to do and she felt back becuase we hardly did anything except eat together. I told her that was fine and I understood and I do....but...it would of been nice...AW HELL..who am I kidding..I am just being a selfish..no good for nothing jerk. *mocking laughter*....how sad really. Something has crossed my mind...something I have not done for quite awhile now and only one...well two since this other person over-read what I had told the 'one' person ..anyway..only that person knows what I mean....I am only considering it right now...but it is becoming a high consideration....I cannot seem to let it go...this depression is taking to strong a hold on me..and I keep putting on a placid or facade*whatever the DAMN term is for everyone. Saying Yeah I am fine..just happy as can be...oh I understannd...I had lots of fun..what a load of bull. Amazing how everyone believes me...and lets it pass....really amazing...not to mention how much it shatters me little by little.....I am so tired of being here...maybe if I lived out on my own things would be better..but NOOOOO...I have to live here because damn-stupid me is so ...darn..lousy at saving money.....another pathetic thing *side note to Pinky, Liz, Sol, Yami..or whoever reads this..get mad at me if you wish..at this point don't care...my caring level has dropped to lets see...non-existent...*...anyway...I just...I just...I don't know..that is all I guess..woudl do a really depressing poem but Takumi*my muse* seems to have ditched me yet again..hmm..wonder why...ja ne